I nod brightly at the idea of leaving Jossica behind-- though I suspect it comes out wearier than I intended. I really must look into enrolling for that Nodding Course ("Stage 2: Weary Isn't The Only Way") at the local Life-Long-Learning Center (Unlife Studies Incorperated).

"Okay, let's go." I pick up my purse-- only one cabbage leaf left; I need to visit a field sometime soon and get some more money-- lock Dagfari's doors, making sure that Jossica is on the inside (she can't do *that* much harm), and we're set.

Casually, we stroll along the street, taking time to smile at the various neighbours who are out, working on their gardens.

As we make our way downtown I note that several people are using Instagolem for yard work. How nice to make a contribution to the community. Also, ka-ching! I note that at least a few of my King Tulips have re-rooted themselves, which is a relief. There were rumours of predatory behavior, but I'm sure they were wildly exaggerated.

Am-Chau insisted on stopping for coffee again, so I'm feeling fairly stoked. Unfortunately, this does not help my sense of direction.

"Where is this damned place?" I ask, spinning slowly.

I hear another unintelligible curse. Am-Chau is doing that nodding wearily thing again. "Check it out. She points towards the end of the block. "Does anything strike you are particularly heinous?"

"Oh. My. God!"

"Uh-huh."

"The. . . the colours!"

"Look at the sign."

"This is pure. . . "

"Evil?"

Following another cup of coffee and a stroll, I was feeling slightly more able to face the world. Until I saw the sign, anyway. There's bad, and then there's worse, and then there's... *that*.

I close my eyes-- it doesn't invite one to look for long-- and when I open them I'm careful not to look down the block again. The other way along the street, where we've just been, there are several Instagolem working, or there were. I notice that one of them has stopped to talk to some-- something? It's short, must be, down on the pavement, and at this distance I can't quite tell... no, I can see some brown fur... skirt... Edward!

"Excuse me," I mutter at Penny, hoping she doesn't mistake it for another curse, and take off running. Edward on the loose wasn't a good idea; and if Penny asks questions, I can always claim that we'll need some sort of back-up when we go into... that place. You know. The Shop We Dare Not Name.

Am-Chau goes to retrieve her bear. I wonder if she realizes how treacherous that little bitch (bastard?) can be. I decide to bring this up again later.

I glance toward the . . . place. I can feel the evil emanating it, oozing towards my minds, my heart, my credit cards. Bargains. Deals. Good buys.

I shake myself out of a near-trance and check my wallet. My credit cards are still there. Turning away from Retain Tempter, I phone my bank and put a hold on everything. Aeshma may take over the world, but I'll be damned if he'll get a dime of my money. At least no more than the $20 I have in my purse.

Damn! I got nearly all the way, stopped to ask directions from someone taller, and Am-Chau happened along and stopped me.

Foiled again!

Never mind-- we seem to still be heading for Aeshma's, so it can't be all bad. I might get to buy something while her back is turned, especially if I put on the extra cute and get Penny to ignore me. It's a good thing I put on the baby!Goth clothes this morning: long black dress with blood-red flowers, and normal black hat but at 'perky' angle. I thought about the fishnet stockings, but they don't really work with fur.

Riding in Am-Chau's pocket isn't as dignified as I'd like, though.

I pick up a cheap plastic doll of a horned fellow with a pitchfork, something seems wrong with it's head. "What are these?" I ask my minion.

"Prince of Darkness bobblehead dolls boss. It's a promotion. The first 666 customers get one free."

"Oh. Very well." I turn over the doll and see the 'Made in Purgatory' label. Well, no wonder the quality is so poor. "We need a 'Do Not Touch' sign next to the pure concentrated evil display. We've already lost a couple of customers."

"Sure thing boss, I'm right on it."

"Also, I'll need you to set up another summoning circle so I can increase our staff."

"Yes boss".

"Those 'Darkest Magic' books need to be behind the counter." I point to a display just carelessly out where any fool could pick one up.

"How about the 'Darker than Darkest Magic' books?"

I smack my minion a couple of times. "Obviously." I need more minions. Smarter minions. Spreading evil through the retail channel is turning out to be more of a bother than I anticipated.

"Am-Chau, did you bring your credit card?"

"Of course, it's a store. Shouldn't I have?"

"Better do a protection spell. Aeshma is bad news and even if he's only our money, I don't imagine he'll confine himself to traditional retail practices." Edward is giving me a much-too-innocent-look, which reminds me of my other point. "Also, have you interrogated that bear? I ask because I don't trust..."

"Welcome to Aeshma's!"

The little demon only comes up to my elbow, but he has the advantage of being coverd in spikes. He flings the door open and bows. His goat-like eyes peer up at us in a parody of friendliness.

"Um. Thank-you," Am-Chau replies. We exchange a what-the-hell look and head in.

Quickly, I mutter something that could be a protection spell-- nothing explodes, so I guess I remembered about right.

The inside of the shop... isn't dark, or creepy, or hung with mysterious cobwebs, or even slightly threating. It's brightly lit, decorated in cheerful if evil colours, and seems to be devoting a lot of its time to selling you things.

"Look at that!" I say, perhaps slightly louder than I should, "Real, genuine dragon claw. I'll have to buy some-- you can't get it anywhere else these days. And here-- it's a bobbleheaded Beezlebub! Won't that look darling on the mantlepiece? Very reasonably priced, too, only half-a-soul."

There's a crowd of people jostling for position in front of a store. There is crying and shouting and general unruliness. I peer at the television, trying to figure out what's being shown.

"Do you suppose it's another Minear sighting?"

"That's just a myth - something wicked grandmothers tell mischievous children to scare them into good behaviour." Brian has always been a pragmatist.

"There is too such a thing as Minear."

Brian snorts skeptically.

"It's true!" I defend hotly, "If there was no Minear how do you explain all the pain and terror?"

The nasal voice of the television reporter interrupts us. "HARRY POTTER AND THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX IS A PHENOMONOM NOT SEEN SINCE THE DAYS OF THE BEATLES AND ELVIS PRESLEY! THERE IS A RUMOR THAT COPIES OF THE NEW BOOK ARE LIMITED! THE UGLY MOB IS STARTING TO GET RESTLESS!"

A brick shatters the window of what I now see is a store improbably called Wal-Mart.

"But, why are they so anxious to get a hold of Order of the Phoenix?" I look over at the bookshelf that contains all seven Harry Potters as well as the six book series of The Adventures of Sirius and Snape; I, Draco; and The Continued Nice and Accurate Prophecies of Agnes Nutter, Witch (ret). "It's been out forever."

"I DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER I CAN HOLD MY POSITION. PEOPLE ARE FLEEING - MOTHERS HOLDING ON TO THEIR CHILDREN - OH THE HUMANITY!"

"This is some kind of mundane channel. Since when do we have that on our cable package?" Brian is flipping through the owner's guide furiously.

The screen cuts to two plastic news announcers who wear identical looks of bovine blankness.

"Well, that was an interesting story, Ken."

"It sure was, Barbara. More on that later, when we return from this commercial message."

Brian and I look at each other in dawning horror - commercials?

Ominous music comes from the speakers and flaming letters crawl across the screen - HARRY HYSTERIA! DEVIL WORSHIP OR CLEVER MARKETING?

"Cthulhu save us - it's worse than I feared. It's not just any channel - it's .. it's … FOX!"

I grab the cats as I flee from the room. Brian follows close behind me, gathering weapons as he goes.

"It's not enough that I have to deal with that accursed oven Afrit, now we've got a television Troll. We're calling an exterminator."

"Fine, fine, let's just do it from a hotel, okay? I'm really creeped out."

We leave our cursed home and head for the nearest jitney, hoping against hope that our calls for help will be answered.

I have to admit, there's some cool stuff here. The cauldron's come in every size and colour, and they seem really solid. I turn one over. "Made in Salem." Hmmm. Top-quality stuff in Salem, I hear.

Not being a traditional witch I can't get as excited about the potion stuff, but Am-Chau has half-filled a basket already. I signal that I'm going off a bit to explore. This store is huge! Actually, it's a lot like K-Mart, only more obvious with the evil. It even has a Starbucks franchise, and right in the corner. . . Oh. My. God. A lawn and garden section. I feel myself being drawn forward by a powerful spell.