Good, people are already here. I so hate it when what I expect will be fashionably late turns out to be early. I blame dear Papa, who was in the military, and dear Mama, who was overly precise in all things.

I greet the people I know and work my way over to our hostess. "Welcome to the neighborhood," I say. "Lovely place you have here."

She thanks me, and I offer my gifts. "I've found a sgian dubh a most useful item to have in The Blood," I tell her. "When the world can go awry at a moment's notice, it can be useful to have a small knife, which may or may not be magical, secreted about one's person. And if you care to skate, here are some coupons for free lessons. I teach beginners on Monday evenings in the winter."

I slip inside and scan the room. First, munchies. Then, hotties. I see a couple of babes who tempt me to reverse the order, but I haven't eaten all day.

I notice some people are staring at me. I should have gone home and changed out of my uniform, I guess.

"Knut!"

Penny steps between me and the buffet. I consider shoving her aside, but I'm not the evil one.

"Hey, Penny." This is always an awkward moment. To hug or not to hug? We survived the mirror dimension together, but she always like Dudley better. I split the difference and pat her on the shoulder.

"Hey! Did you just come from work, or something? What's SOS?"

She's reading the t-shirt they make us wear. I wouldn't mind, except they make us wash them ourselves. "It should be SOAS, but when I told my boss that he just told me to keep dipping."

Penny looks expectant. "And SOAS would stand for?"

"Oh. Sex On a Stick. We just opened a stand in the Folly. That reminds me, I brought you a house-warming present." I dig the box out of the satchel where I keep my Playstation2. I always carry it with me now, it's a security-blanket thing."

Penny takes the box and stares at it. "You brought me a box of penis-shaped popsicles?"

"In an assortment of flavors. Hey, you got any nachos?"

I steer Slacker!Knut over to what I like to call my Big Pile O' Starch - nachos, bugles, chips of every kind, samosas. . . nothing like comfort food to mellow people out.

He seems only to be happy to be left alone, so I store my new treats deep in the freezer, grab a drink for GoodKnut and reassure him about the pet, er, plant.

"It's really, really interesting, and I only hope I'll be able to make a good home for it. As for lavender - love it, can't get enough. Say, your plant wouldn't ever, ever make a meal of a cat or a gargoyle, would it?"

Knut looks shocked at the idea. "Never! The Mark VII has no appetite for random destruction. It is a loyal, single-minded being."

"Well, thank you. It sounds like just what I'll need. So nice of you to think about security." I put the Mark VII beside my lovely new rosebush. No mayhem ensues. Whew!

Knut spots his double and reluctantly goes over to greet him. Susan and DX are occupied. They're either playing two-person charades or they're telling war stories. This is going great. Everyone seems happy, and Holli is dancing with the penguin. That is so cute.

I make my way over to Connie and Bob. He is really most watchable, but completely taken. Oh, well. A thing of beauty is a joy forever, even if you can't bring it home.

"Connie, about the gargoyles, what does the care and feeding involve, exactly?"

As I explained to the penguin, if you eat one before bed, you have flying dreams. Unless you can fly, in which case you have car-driving dreams. He seemed interested.

(Adorable!)

(Cribbed from Eddie Izzard, aka, God)

Hi, Ms. Lizard! Care for a martini?

Shiny.

passing Ms. Liz a rainbow martini. It tastes like a regular martini, but it looks like an opal.

Ooh.

I notice Penny glancing at Bob's drink, which is, indeed, red. "He always brings his own, don't worry," I tell her quietly. "Nobody you know."

"Oh, good. Now, about the gargoyles."

"Easy as anything to take care of. They like to have someplace high to perch, but don't put it out on the roof until it gets a bit older. The only thing more pathetic than a gargoyle with the sniffles is a vampire with a head cold."

"I heard that," Bob mutters as he pretends to watch the rest of the crowd.

"Anyway, food. For the first few weeks, it'll be happy with whatever dust you might sweep up, especially any sand or tiny bits of rock that get tracked in from outside. If you forget to feed it, it might start nibbling at the dirt in the planters, but they tend not to like a lot of organic matter."

I debate leaving it there, but Bob gives me a nudge. "Tell her the rest."

"Yeah. Eventually you're going to want to put it up on the roof anyway, because ... well ... there are reasons there aren't a lot of pigeons around The Folly and why the guys up there are so big. Gargoyles love pigeons. And if they can't get pigeon, they start to look at, well ..."

Bob grinned at Penny. "It'll try to eat the cat. I saw one get in a tussle once with a bobcat-Siamese crossbreed, and you should have seen the gravel and the fur fly. Sparks everywhere from the claws on the stone."

"What happened?" Penny asks, big-eyed.

"Cat got away missing half an ear, and the gargoyle had a big ol' rip in its wing. Beautiful fight."

I clear my throat. "But you'll never need to buy a scarecrow, I can tell you that."

"Gee. Thanks."

"You said the gargoyle was a baby. If you get them early, so they form attachments to house pets? I mean, would it refrain from going after Raven if it grew up with her?

By mere chance Raven glides by at that moment. If cats could raise an eyebrow, she would.

"What do I give it if we run short of pigeons?"