Now where to start with the vengence. Miracleman, obviously, but that's a long term project, gotta feel him out, wear him down with various tactics. Besides, he didn't send me off to the underworld last time I was here. Actually, I'm not sure who did it, but I was in a bar with a troll and a funny-looking aquatic bird. I ask the master vampire about it and she informs me that the bar is called "Milo's Place".

I summon up a half-dozen gremlins. The little green guys are more pesky than deadly, but they are fun to unleash on foes and awfully hard to get rid of. I order them to go to this "Milo's Place" and play as many practical jokes as they like. I watch them go bounding off on their task, giggling and fading in and out of visibility.

I'm in the middle of Aragorn expressing his appreciation to Legolas when my IM window pops up. NightOwl, stupid name for a vampire.

"Sears busted. Window open?"

Why am I sure that Sears did not get caught with illegally indentured demon servants again?

"Window open. No blood on the floor."

"Stop bitching, that was 2 mths ago."

"I've still got stains. Wipe your mouth."

"Not what you said last night."

Gods, always the comedian. "If you're coming over, be quiet. I'm working. And no, it's not about you."

"Spoil sport."

"I'll lock you in the closet again."

"Promise?"

I shut down the IM window. Better go tell Achmed to expect a guest.

That actually went better than expected. Completely stoked, I give Miracleman four Instagolem (TM) in various colours. I offer to buy Aimee lunch to celebrate, but she has unfinished business here. We promise to meet later. DX Machina is having a party tonight, and that's the place to be.

I should take care of business in Goblin Market anyway. That sounds like a good place to buy a New Year's Eve outfit, as well as meet JilliVoiceofReason.

"Give Clovis a pat for me!" Aimee calls as I leave. As I head out the door, Hector walks by carrying a turkey sandwich. He gives me a wink and a thumbs up. Awwwww.

I turn to Aimee, wary.

"Yes?"

If it's about that damn curse, I'll gladly take it off. The curse I mean! Not the...! Well, I mean...

I sigh and slump down in an overstuffed chair. "What can I...how can I...help you?"

The curse, yes. Please. You have no idea how thankful I've been for the simple fact that I wasn't wearing a thong at the time. I'd also like my powers back. I've had to drive everywhere for the past 15 years. That should about do it.

Oh. And I want my Carpenters LP collection, too.

Now, about finding me a house....

It's okay! You can do it. One more step. Come on. Just-- don't-- look down--

I open my eyes and fall, six hundred feet, fingers clutching helplessly at the rope ladder as the tropical birds scream and scream--

Huh.

I'm getting sensory input, but it's hard to piece things together. I seem to be horizontal. I finished falling, then? And the rope ladder is tangled all in my legs. Was it cut down? Was that why I fell? ... No, it's not the ladder, it's much too soft. Some kind of blanket. And there's this brightness hitting me directly in the eyes.

What's that, brain?

That's sunlight. You're awake.

Oh? That sounds nice.

No it isn't. You're on vacation. Go back to sleep.

But in my dreams, I keep *dying*!

You're terribly clumsy, aren't you?

I'm giving up on this conversation. After a moment I successfully determine which directions gravity favors as up and down, and I swing my legs out of the bed. My lamp is broken on the floor-- I think I must have knocked it off the table during an especially grisly dream death-- but otherwise the room is dusty and neat. I really must have been trying to sleep all vacation, wasn't I?

There are fiery letters scrolling along the west wall: What can Miracleman do for you today? They start to fade as soon as I'm finished reading them. Christ. Will the interdimensional wizards cease at nothing? Not even spam mail?

Take me off your mailing list, I direct at the question mark just before it disappears. Now. I find my bag on the floor, the only clean object in the room-- the auto-cleaning function I installed on the canvas cover last month seems to have really paid off-- and root around in it until I find the Dust-O-Matic (patent pending), one of my oldest and most useful toys. I set it to "kill" and push it off into the air.

It hovers for a few seconds, then starts snapping around. A nebula of dust is raised into the air. I cough, and shut my eyes, and when I open them again the DOM shudders and freezes in mid-stroke. It makes a terrible grinding sound, and flops to the floor.

Well, shit. It looks like I've got to replace it. I'm covered in grit, and my room is only half-cleaned, but it's not as though I was going to get any more sleep today.

I'll take a shower. Hopefully the bathroom isn't covered in mildew. And then out to find a replacement cleaning machine. Do they even make that catalogue any more? What was it called? Penny's Marvelous Mechanisms?

"Fine. Curse lifted. Powers restored with the condition that they can never be used against me. And I mean they can't. They won't function against me. Neener."

I cough, uncomfortable. "I, uh...don't recall your Carpenters LP collection..."

Liar.

A good day shopping, if not for business. Jilly wasn't at the Goblin Market - no big surprise on New Year's Eve - but I left her a message and a sample Instalgolem(TM). Also have a brilliant idea for a potion that cleans, disinfects, and exorcises which I jot in my notebook.

At one of the clothing stalls I find a fantastic forest green lace and velvet sheath dress that fits perfectly; also a black pillbox hat which needs only a flower or pin to be complete. Now all I have to do is go home, fix myself up and head over to DX Machina's.

Oops! Better find a gift for the host. I suppose this ancient bottle of whiskey will do - it's certainly priced like an impressive gift.

I break the surface and try to remember how to work the eyes. They're new, but I had a pair once before--I just can't remember. The ears, too. They don't seem to have any moving parts at all. I stretch my new mouth open wide and waggle my new tongue between my new teeth, but I can't taste the air. Maybe it's not working.

I realize then that I'm moving, trudging through the silt and towards the riverbank. So something works. The eyes, too, they work automatically, which is convenient. I turn my head or swivel the eyeballs within their sockets, and I see things. Stars, lots of them, swirling and spinning. Trees and city lights and people on a green lawn, huddled under blankets.

The eyes are working, but the ears are getting nothing but static. Crackles and booms and hisses, like a warped record on a turntable. I remember records. I have a sudden need to hear something--anything--by Johnny Cash.

The static snaps and pops along with the showering stars, and I realize they aren't stars, they're fireworks, and the ears are working after all. I walk up the riverbank towards a couple who are sitting snuggled under a blanket. Now to find out if the mouth is working.

"Excuse me," I say, and it sounds like a rockslide. I pitch my voice up a few octaves and try again. "Excuse me. Is today the Fourth of July?"

The woman glances at my face, looks down and then back at my face. "It's New Year's," she says.

"Ah," I say. "Thank you."

As I walk away I realize I am cold, and then I realize I am naked. So. Clothes would be the first order of business, then.