"Aw, crap, there she goes again!"

I turn to ita (who I wish would stop polishing that blade in such a...meaningful way) and say "Looks like it's not gibbons. You don't appear to want food. I suppose you can go off and cavort with your doggies if you wish, though you're welcome to stay. This looks like she might sleep for a while and then she'll buy a house and undoubtedly unleash the forces of hell or the denizens of Ogden, Utah upon our fair and innocent *cough* town."

I wander back to the kitchen. "I wonder if this is another Gudanov situation. Maybe we should tell the Mayor that we have a new prospective citizen. And I think I'll have the roast beef."

Coming round, I decide not to nod for a while. And I'm more than a little concerned about the kind of company I've stumbled into.

But then. I don't expect a little adventure will kill me- after all, with the aid of a powerful wizard Bilbo got through. I try not think about my lack of skill at theft. Stealing the device that brought me here... no, not thinking about that.

Hector is peering down at me. I shut my eyes again.

the denizens of Ogden, Utah

Take it back, MM! Take it back! You know not whereof you speak!

Do you? t suspicious Just how much do you know of Utah?

Doggies.

I shake my head, wondering if he can be trusted to not eat the tiramisu.

I slide my gaze over to the card he's placed on a jumbled endtable.

Penny B. She's one of the new ones. She didn't shift things too much when she came into town.

I'd have pleaded with someone in Shadow to watch him and his unconscious new friend, but he said doggies.

He'll have to go unwatched for now.

"Boss, I think she's faking."

"All right, we'll find out. I'm brewing...the Special Blend."

"Boss! No!"

Oh, yes. The Special Blend. Mutant coffee beans grown in the lost caverns under the Himalayas by insane koboldean monks with a caffeine-high fixation. The soil they grow in is fertilized with the blood of yetis and the plants are exposed only to moonlight and high-intensity radiation. She won't be able to fake sleep after a sip or two of this stuff. She won't be able to fake the smoke coming from her ears, either. Muahahaa.

I open my eyes and sit up quickly at the scent of Special Blend floating through the room.

"Let's go and visit some houses I could buy!"

"You have, I assume, money that works in this world?"

Often they don't. Often it's etched quartz, or the shells of tiny squids or bags of dirt. All held out with a puzzled yet hopeful face and the expression "Is this enough?" I don't even want to know how the banks work out the exchange rate for 1400 pounds of manticore offal.

It's a good question. I had a herd of goats and three fields of cabbages back home, but they might not work here, even if I had them with me.

I grope in my pocket, and pull out a cabbage leaf. It's slightly wilted.

"Will this be enough?" I ask, holding it out. Note to self: practice the 'puzzled yet hopeful' face a bit more. It's not working very well.

*sigh*

I figure the exchange rate for one wilted cabbage leaf is approximately .06 cents. It's Christmas Eve and I've still got to find a present for Hector and see what this Penny B. wants and...

"Look, it's a holiday here, right? I'm not even sure if the realtor is open. Here," and I present a credit card "is a loan. If the realtor is open you can find a house and that should pay for it and we can...work out repayment terms later. Here," I say again "is a map. I think the realtor around here should be aware of things enough that 'a magic house' won't throw them.

"If you can't find a house tonight, Hector will let you back in. And if you'd like..." I shoot an inquiring glance Hector's direction.

He shrugs. "Sure. You don't feel safe walkin' 'round, I'll wander about witcha. Just to, you know, make sure things go okay."

"Fair enough?"

I nod quickly, taking care not to faint again, and then shake my head. Oh dear.

One question at a time, girl.

"Thank you," I say to Miracleman, "and no thank you, Hector. I think I should be able to find my way around now."

Hector looks a little insulted.

"Okay," I relent, "Come with me. I'd want some advice on how this funny plastic money works, anyway."