Note to self: never active portable hyperdrive until you've set co-ordinates.

What is this place?

I'm in a street, fairly crowed and there's a cinema, much as at home. I watch amazed as a man dressed all in black is struck down by a powerful wizard. Slidding round the corner into an alleyway, I mutter, "Eris protect me. I have a cult to run, you know."

It doesn't seem to do any good. I'm grabbed from behind, and only just have time to scream, "Help!" before I'm knocked out.

"Jilli."

I look up from the pile of vintage velvet opera cloaks I'm unpacking. "What sweetie?"

"Do you know what your rabbit is doing?" Pete asks, in a dangerously reasonable tone of voice.

"Uh, sitting on the counter reading the latest Gloomcookie, last I checked. Why?"

Pete rolls his eyes and points behind me. I turn around and watch as Clovis attempts to drape a length of black cotton around a gingerbread person.

"Clovis. What are you doing?"

"dressing minions properly. need horses for proper effect."

Pete looks at me in a pointed manner. "I told you taking Clovis to see the Lord of the Rings movies was a bad idea."

"need ring of power too."

I pick up my Devilbunny, taking the gingerbread person away from him. "No. No ring of power and no Ring Wraiths for you."

"but am evil overlord! can't be evil overlord without ring of power!"

"Yes you can. Besides, you're not an evil overlord yet. You're an evil overlord in training. And if you had a ring of power, you'd have to manifest as a giant flaming eye."

"not as cute bunny?" Clovis asks thoughtfully.

"Nope. Just think about how much less you'd get away with because you wouldn't be able to pull the 'I'm a harmless cute bunny' trick. People are always suspicious of a giant flaming eye."

"okay. give minion back now?"

Ooo-kay, when did Miracleman start channelling Gandalf? Not going to complain, though. I nudge SA. "Pretty cool, huh?"

The wraith stomp past to the end of the line. Steam hisses up from the sidewalk under the boots.

"Guys, come on, you've seen it already, haven't you?"

They nod and shrug in that way that always says, "Yeah, so what?"

"Granted, you didn't have as much good stuff to do in this one. It's a big theater and all the seats are good. Tell you what, how about a round of popcorn on me?"

They consult with each other a moment, then the leader comes forward. "Naa--chosss."

"Nachos for everybody?"

"Yessss." One of the smaller wraiths looks like he's going to protest, but the leader turns and glares at him.

"Pickles?"

The leader hisses menacingly.

"OK, no pickles, I never saw the point of 'em at hte movies either. Nachos for everybody." As the leader turns to go back to his bunch, I mouth the word "Popcorn" at the one who doesn't like nachos, and he bounces a little before resuming the approved guise of muttering and hissing. Giddy wraiths. Goddess help the furniture.

I snort and suck on my ever-refilled Pepsi glass. "I tell you what, though, Connie. Those guys are small potatoes compared to what I saw Wednesday. It was Dobby. And Gollum. They were making smoochy faces at each other." I give a quick shudder. "Scariest thing I've ever seen."

"I wish Dobby would just go to Dumbledore and confess all. I'm sure Hagrid could find a place for Gollum to hang out. He'd make a great Defense against hte Dark Arts instructor--or maybe not."

"He'd be a great Defense Against the Dark Arts experiment."

snerk! "Your class project--find this creature, who is lurking somewhere in the castle. One hundred points to the house that finds him without having any classmates killed--yes, I'm looking at you, Mr. Malfoy, you may not use Mr. Goyle as bait again."

"Heh. This is why I really voted against putting Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings in the same theater.... The characters keep popping up, making, um, nice, with each other. I swear I saw Frodo making eyes at Harry the other day, and the look of hatred in Sam's eyes ... whew. I inched over to the other side of the room."

(motherfucking bwah.

if my sister comes in the room demanding to know what I'm laughing at, I'll be screwed; will you visit me in hell?)

Honey, I'm in the passenger seat next to you.