Nobody COMMed JZ's brilliant suggestion?
And now I really want someone to write this story: Nilly and the Pirate.
As well as the follow up comments:
Susan W:
Can I make him a privateer? That's practically a pirate.
JZ:
[T]his clearly explains why Nilly's last few blind dates have not worked out. She keeps getting set up with mere workaday mortal men, who are unfit to appreciate her Nillitude. If somebody would just set her up with a nice Orthodox pirate, it would clearly be so completely wrong it'd be perfectly Right. She's worthy of nothing less.
Wolfram:
I know one Orthodox guy who owns a parrot. Would that work?
JZ:
If he can do a decent Dread Pirate Roberts impression, I think we've got something solid to work with.
JZ, in Natter:
Oh, for heaven's sake. Re the who and why of our various freedom-bringing efforts around the world, just print out this flash card and keep it in your wallet.
Who We Invaded/Blew Up/Might Do Eventually::How Come?
Afghanistan::As God is our witness, to capture Osama dead or alive
Iraq::9/11 WMD Frog-Marching freedom
Iran::Next door and thus convenient
North Korea::Nuclear program
France::Mean to us
Canada::Married gay people with health care
Spain::More married gay people, plus they all sleep a lot and then stay up too late, WTF is up with that?
Darfur::Yeah, yeah, massive human rights violations blah blah genocidecakes, look, we've got a lot on our plate right now, can you whiny whinybutts please keep it down to a dull roar?
Saudi Arabia::OMG NEVER, they are a shining beacon of glossy democracy and oil and our bestest friends ever
The San Francisco Bay Area::very, very angry aliens.
(Note: Edited with JZ's input.)
I don't know if you just copied and pasted Calli (I'm behind in a bunch of threads), but I strongly suspect that second Iraq listing (next door, and thus convenient) is supposed to be Iran.
That was totally my own stupid typo, Sean, and you are right.
I strongly suspect that second Iraq listing (next door, and thus convenient) is supposed to be Iran.
I think you may be right. But it's "Iraq" in the original post, and I'm kinda leery about changing things when I'm quoting someone else. Still funny, though.
JZ?
ETA: Never mind. Edited and all good now.
And still damn funny.
Because I needed to laugh today...and this is such a great "letter" to explain to a non-Buffista the Buffista way.
In Bitches:
sj:
Yup, Dave doesn't really like that we still call him Teacup Guy; I think his problem with it is that it is not a very manly nickname. But, I like it so I am going to still use it, unless I can actually get him to join the board. Besides, every time I think of that teacup gift, I smile. I think that was the moment I started to fall in love with him. It was such a thoughtful gift and proved he was truly paying attenion.
Topic!Cindy:
Dear Dave,
Nice name. No, really. I would have been quite happy to name a son David, as it has been a favorite of mine for as long as I can remember, but not only did I have a terrible crush on a David, in my youth which (since he did not end up marrying me and therefore he had no role in fathering my children) made using the name for my sons with my non-Dave husband feel a bit unseemly. The name was already out of commission in his family anyhow though, because we have a nephew named David.
Anyhow, it has come to our attention that you are not particularly fond of your not-chosen-by-you Buffista name: Teacup Guy.
Lemme 'splain. No. There is too much. Lemme sum up. We, the Buffista Bitches (well, some of us, you can't actually ever make any statement that holds true for all Buffistas and or any sub-group; even this disclaimer is likely to invoke protest)...
Let me start again. Many/some/at least a few of us/but I believe more so I'm sticking with...
Many of us were terrifically touched, and impressed by your thoughtful, original, and well, frankly darling gift to sj, which you gave to her, so early on in your courtship. I mean, look how it affects sj, even today. When we use your name, we remind ourselves of your lovely, generous, attentive gesture. Our women want you and our men want to be you (and then there's the cross-over population), but what it comes down to is this: Damn, baby. That was cute.
Also sj, I'm fairly certain, did not want to use your actual name here, so early on. And really, her reticence to use it was in deference to your feelings and privacy, as for all she (and we) knew, maybe you wouldn't be particularly fond of a 1,000 or so people you don't know, reading your very name, in connection to stories about you, particularly prior to you being informed of their existence and sj's connection to same. She's considerate like that.
And yet? We needed some way in which to refer to you. Now, you happened into our lives sj's life, around the time that another of our number was striking up a flirtation with a guy at a music shop. And we needed to be able to distinguish you, from him, as the stories were told to us, somewhat concurrently.
Finally, we have a thousand other Davids already. Okay, we already had at least more than one long before we knew about you, and then there's always DB floating around in the back of (and sometimes the front of) our minds. I know, I know. The name David is no Michael, but still, for years upon end, it was a particularly popular name. Just see our FAQ.
So, how about a compromise: We get to call you Teacup Guy, and you get to learn to appreciate it. What do you mean, that's no compromise? Huh. Okay, how about this, how about, when we are with you in person, we will try to keep our use of Teacup Guy to a minimum, and call you Dave. Meanwhile, here on the board, we still get to call you teacup guy from time to time, but you are free to assume a [read: Dave] every time we use it, and sj gets to call you it whenever she likes, because it makes her all schmoopy, which--let's be frank even though you're Dave--is only going to benefit you, if you know what I mean. ::wink wink nudge nudge::
Love, and Kisses,
[At least some of the] Bitches
sj:
Damn, I am being schmoopy. Feel free to smack me.
Topic!Cindy:
See what I mean, Dave? ::wink wink nudge nudge::
