Matt the Bruins fan:

Dear MTV executives, Thank you for airing the new Andy Dick television show almost constantly on your network. Doing so prompts me on a regular basis to seek quality entertainment on your competitors' networks, or abandon TV watching altogether in favor of more worthwhile pursuits. Keep up the good work,
Matt

Gus in Firefly:

if Jones the cat was a browncoat

Take my claws, take my glands
Dope me till I cannot stand
I don't care, I'm furry
You can't take the couch from me

Take my fur, dye it black
Tell them that my luck is bad
Give me fish and spoil me
You can't take the couch from me

There's no place I can't be
Change my litter constantly
But you can't take the couch from me...

Better late than never.

Topic!Cindy, in Buffy:

I probably shouldn't judge the Spuffies' splinterlike woobification of Spike, while I'm still trying to remove the plank of Buffy woobification from mine own eye.

(But Buffy makes this boo boo face, and I want to feed her warm, chocolate pudding, pat her on the head, and tell her to think of it tomorrow at Tara.)

(Of course that'll bring up unpleasant associations of its own.)

(Like it wasn't bad enough Willow freeloaded off of Buffy, while Buffy was wearing a frigging chicken on her hat to keep the repo man at bay.)

(Who do we think had to scrub to remove all that dead lesbian cliche from the carpet? Willow? I think not. She was too busy getting close to the earth with Giles. Which is ridiculous, 'cause Wicca good and love the earth, and womyn power and I'll be over here...)

(There's not Willow/Giles fic, is there? Oh, man that was a stupid question, for heaven's sake, I've had people—and let me stress this was completely against my will—prove to me that there's Transformers' slash, of course there's Willow/Giles fic.)

(Bleach. Need bleeeeaaaaaaaaach. Where's the bleach? Frigging Spike probably used it all up on his hair. How'm I ever going to clean my brain, now?)

(I'm done.)

Lilty in Natter ...

...and now that I think about it, I'm pretty sure that I know a third cousin. (He had a crush on me when he was two. I was thirteen and didn't find it at all amusing, and to this day, the elders quote our torrid exchange, in which he offered to build me a sandcastle and accompany me to the fireworks. Being thirteen, I undoubtably left the group to sulk.)

Topic!Cindy's follow-up in the Buffy thread:

(In a righteous world, that post would have been COMMed. Here, everyone is now too busy, Googling 'Transformer Slash')

Dana, in LotR:

Thanking fandom for helping to improve my writing skills, because you'd never believe how much you can learn by writing media-based gay porn...

From over in the movies thread:

tommyrot: I used to fantasize about blowing away the Snuggle teddy bear with a shotgun.

Does this make me a bad person? Or just someone who's curious about how big a cloud of stuffing would be produced?

Lilty Cash: Stares, horrified, at laptop. Slowly backs away.

The Snuggle bear? But he's so cute, and well.....Snuggly, dammit.

Flaming arrows and the Pillsbury Doughboy? Now we're talkin.

tommyrot: The Pillsbury Doughboy just needs to be put in an oven long enough to develop a crust. That way, he's still alive, just frozen in position forever.

Lilty Cash: Just so long as I can hear the screams.

tommyrot: Of course.

We could also crack open his chest and fill him with French onion soup.

Lilty Cash: "The Atkins Diet couldn't save you forever, Doughboy." Raises blowtorch. "Say your prayers."

Gudanov in Bitches, because we're all in luuuuuuuurrrrve:

Love, exciting and new,
Log on.
We're expecting you. Love, life's sweetest reward.
Let it type,
it posts back to you.

The Love Board
soon will be making another thread.
The Love Board promises natter for everyone.
Log on in for adventure,
Your mind on a new romance.

Love won't hurt anymore
It's an open smile on a friendly thread.

It's Looooove!
Log on - It's Looooove!

Edited to fix wonky formatting.

-t-: There was a cat in the neighborhoos I lived in Grass Valley who looked very much like Cappuccino during the summer. Some of my friends visited me once, and ate some mushrooms with more exciting side effects than flavor. All of them saw this cat but didn't want to mention the miniature lion in case no one else saw it.

kat perez: This is why I would not make a gracious Olympics athlete. If I were ever blessed with just the right combination of skill, hard work, sacrifice and luck to win an Olympic gold medal, they would have to pry it out of my cold dead hand. No way I'd be giving it up. Especially for a mistake that was not even my fault. For which the losing delegation did not even file a complaint until the day after the competetion was over specifically violating the rules for filing complaints as laid out by my federation. Especially after I had dug myself out of what most people imagined would be an insurmountable hole and clawed my way back into contention and then hit the routine of my life to win gold. In fact, I'd take my gold medal and I'd wave it right in front of that Korean guy's face and be all "Wanna lick? Psyche!" And that's why I'm not, nor could I ever be, a gracious Oympic athlete.