connie neil in Bitches:

First comes hair dye, corsets and sex toys, then comes baby carriages?

Betsy HP in Bitches:

Kill the Perfect Mother now. There aren't any. The Perfect Mother screws up in ways too hideous to mention. She just does it when she's not front-stage in your mind. When you aren't thinking about her, she's out on the back patio drinking Everclear from the bottle and giving a blowjob to the delivery boy.

Sparky1: Caffeine = power. Feels wonderful, doesn't it?

Sue: Caffeine and sugar are friends. If not, they are enemies to be feared.

It should be pointed out that I'm riffing on Apocalypse Now there.

Standing firmly on the thread description, I want to point out that this thread is not only for funny posts, and submit to you the following:

From amych (on the occasion of the marriage of Hec and JZ): if I could have everybody's attention for a moment... I have a wedding toast to make... thank you....

Hec and JZ,

After some thought, I decided to post this here, since you're both such an important part of this community for me, and by g-d, I want all our friends to see my big weepy sentimental wishes to you.

Hec, you've been a dear and wonderful friend to me from the time I first joined this board. I've met very few people in this life who have been as deeply generous as you, or as devoted to each of your friends as if they were your own family. And yet, you've more than met your match in JZ, who is so fiercely and wonderfully passionate that she takes my breath away.

JZ, you're simply amazing. You're beautiful, talented, charming -- and filled with such a soul that within five minutes of meeting you, I knew that all those beautiful and charming externals were nothing compared to what you really were.

The two of you together surpass all that you are individually.

If I were there in person tomorrow, I'd probably get really drunk and insist on saying all this out loud in some kind of ill-conceived attempt at a toast, and then I'd get all weepy in the middle of it and someone would take a really embarrassing video and post it online somewhere. You'll just have to fill in those parts in in your imaginations.

I love you both, and I can't imagine either of you with anyone more perfect for you. The two of you and Emmett have already made a wonderful family, and it'll only get more magical with any future baby buffistas you may make.

With much much love, Me

(anyone looking for the original can find it at: amych "Four and Twenty Natters: WHO ARE YOU BAKING FOR??!?!!?!" May 14, 2004 11:52:37 am PDT)

quote from an AP article on Bremer.

obviously we don't stay in countries where we're not welcome

Wolfram

We'll pop in uninvited, eat all your food, spill beer on your couch, break a couple of records, leave streaks on your tables and burn marks on your rug and a great big ole stinky mess in the john, but no way we're going to stay, uh uh...

unnamed Buffista is actually a quote from an AP article on Bremer.

Dana in Previously:

Welcome to b.org, where we can't reach consensus over whether we reached consensus.

Liese S in Minearverse demonstrating one of the great dangers of popping in on a conversation-in-progress on b.org:

Hi! I'm ignoring all the disturbing penis fish talk.

And because peoples in Minearverse are so funny, also this:

Allyson

Hm. Just making shit up here, but I think if he has a favorite blanket, and you always put it in the crate, he'll be more likely to dig it, because it will smell comforting.

You like my nonsense dog psychology, there?

billytea

I think it is excellent and compelling dog psychology, for it is based on smell.

ita

I think you should just tell the dog to get in there and like it, and he should because you're alpha, plus you have thumbs.

How am I doing?

billytea

I think you may have shifted from dog psychology into dom psychology.

ita

It's the cage and the collar that are throwing me off.

billytea

It's a common mistake, especially if your safe word is 'Snausages'.