During Buffy Quotables Death Matches...

Elena introduces the next round of Joyce quotes:

VOTE

1 - "Well, it seems that way to you. I made some lemonade, and I'm learning how to play mah-jongg. You go find your friends."

2 - "I'm not like this. I don't invite strange men over for coffee, it's just ... Oh, when you girls are older you'll understand. It's hard to date. Sometimes you just ... feel like giving up on men altogether."

victor infante votes:

I'm all about strange men.

Wait. Let me rephrase that.

Matt the Bruins Fan votes:

In mirror-image to Vic's post, "giving up on men altogether."

Elena announces the winner:

And strange men advance, as they so often do.

Victor in Music:

Peace and love were great and all, but sometimes it just makes more sense to burn things.

Boy. 18 months of nothing, and now twice in one day!

t /Den of Earth

billytea, in Bitches, instructing us all in the proper way to attract an emu:

Ok, here's what you do if you ever want to attract emus. First, go someplace with emus. I accept no responsibility for what might happen if you try this in the middle of LA or something. Next, lie down on your back. This is important as you don't want the emus to feel threatened. They're not aggressive in the way cassowaries are, but they are insecure. Yes, like Barbra Streisand before James Brolin. Now, poke your legs in the air and start doing bicycle kicks, and make gulpy grunting noises. (Also like Barbra Streisand before James Brolin.) Emus are curious birds, and it's entirely likely they've never seen anything like this before. So they'll just have to come over and investigate. And there you have your emus!

billytea: Of course, now I have to act all noble and shit. Bugger.

Cass: You have always been all noble and shit.

Ken Buddha, with the setup in Quotables:

Isn't it amazing how you can barely see Cindy's lips move when I post. And now, Cindy will drink a glass of water while I recite the Serenity prayer.

Trudy, with the response:

God grant me a spaceship with a glowing ass...

?: (Except that you can't find a tough, scrawny old stewing hen to save your life, of course.)

Betsy HP: WORD. I am bitter and aggrieved.

Not nearly as aggrieved as I'd be if somebody were whirling me in the air to determine my gender, of course.

amych: Word. I'm sure I'd squawk, but whether it'd be the high squawk or the low one is anyone's guess.

The original hen comment is also amych.

It helps a lot if you have Theodosia's setup:

It is sometimes difficult to identify correctly the sex of birds ready for caponizing. This is especially true of Brahmas, Giants, Orpingtons, and Reds. Four points of difference between the cock- erels and the pullets which can usually be depended upon are the head, back, tail, and voice. The head of a male is usually broader above the eyes and deeper from crown to throat, with a slightly larger comb and wattles which usually show some red. The cockerel’s beak is somewhat stouter and more arched. The back and shoulders, as a rule, are not so well covered with feathers, which, if present, are not so far advanced as in the pullet. (Fig. 2.) The tail of the cockerel is bushy and rounding, consisting of down-like feathers, while the feathers on the pullet’s tail are well formed, giving a more definite point to the shape of the tail. Finally if still in doubt after considering these three characters, one should swing the bird through the air until the voice can be heard. The high-pitched voice is associated with the cockerels, while the low voice is usually that of a pullet.

billytea in Bitches. The context itself is beautiful, but it's somehow even better roaming free of it's preamble:

But I think we can all agree just by looking at them that keebler elves taste like ass.

In Bitches...

Susan W.: It's all about eyes on the page. It reminds me of the coverage of the flu and the vaccine shortage--you know all the stuff they had recently about how this flu isn't a PANDEMIC, not like the 1918 PANDEMIC, and here's why it's not a PANDEMIC, but it's inevitable that someday a PANDEMIC FLU will come again?

amych: And this makes me think of the mid-70s War On Swine Flu. Why, oh why, can't we have a leader with the boldness and clarity of vision of Gerald Ford?