Jonathan ,'Lies My Parents Told Me'
This thread is for Buffista quotage. Posts that are profound, witty, or otherwise deserving of immortality go here. This is also Shrift's source for the BRQG, so be aware that if your words end up here, they'll also end up there. Finally, please note which thread spawned the quotage and please white-out anything that might be spoilery to Un-Americans.
Days late, because I can't bear to let a good ninja joke go by.
shrift: It's always hard to get good ninjas these days.
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Matt, on failed ninjaism: I believe he had the idea that thinking movie ninjas were cool would somehow allow him to dodge blows from fairly skilled swordsmen.
From Natter, a riff on dating and Hamlet:
Sophia: Earlier this week the designer and I almost died laughing when "Gertrude" who is dating "Hamlet" asked us if we thought she "would be able to go down on Hamlet in this dress"? She meant "fall", but still....
amych: First thought: eww! incest squick!
Second thought: well, yeah, but it's kinda that way in the play too, now isn't it?
Sophia: Yup. Of course, being a college theater department-- "Gertrude" has also dated "Claudius", "Laertes" and the "Gravedigger" (not the funny one)over the course of 4 years.
More Hamlet:
amych: <swoons at the thought of seeing Fiennes do Hamlet onstage>
Emily: Or for that matter Gertrude.
Matt the Bruins fan in Angel, and context be damned:
LORNE: Hey, who ever figured I'd have trouble recognizing Angel from behind?
Bitterchick, in Natter:
"Jesus, you've just been betrayed, crucifiied and come back from the dead. What are you gonna do now?"
"I'm going to Disney World!"
In Movies:
Eileen: Rumor flying around office: please tell me it's rumor.
J.Lo Ben
remake
Casablanca
please tell me it's a rumor.
Aimée: Ohmigawd. I'll pray for whoever thought that would be good idea.
Matt the Bruins fan: I'll pray for a suspended sentence for whoever mows that person down.
Emily in Bitches, with wise words of comfort:
"Here Erin has gone before me, and prepared a way, And she hath laughed upon it, and said, God, that sucked, but it's fucking funny, isn't it? And therefore shall I not despair."
kat perez in Natter
Can I just say that Huggybear is the worst pimp name ever? It sounds like one of the lost Care Bears. I wonder what would come out of his tummy?
Cindy answering my question about the existence of a UK version of the Miranda speech in UnAmerican:
ita - I believe it goes,
Pardon us, we don't mean to intrude at such a trying time, but we thought perhaps, amidst all the commotion, there were a few things you should consider keeping in mind. It is terribly important that you remember you have the right to hold your peace. If you ask us, this world would be a spot better off if we all tried doing so from time to time, not that you did ask of course. And if you will allow us to be a tad blunt, well, you are already in a sticky wicket, are you not? Saying something that could and will be used against you, is probably not the prudent course of action. Right, then. Furthermore, you of course realize that you have the right to contact a solicitor, but we do find reminding folks in situations such as the one at hand, does come in handy. Please enjoy your stay. Pip pip. Cheerio.Arachnophobia, in Bitches, part 1 -
connie neil:
OK, I bet I can top your "kill the motherfucker arachnid!" stories--Hubby heard me making odd noises in the kitchen one day, swearing like he's never heard me swear, and came to investigate. And took the .45 automatic pistol from my hands that I was trying desperately to get the safety off.
But, dammit, it was BIG. And it LOOKED AT ME. And it was not going to be living much longer. Hubby took it outside and made me promise never to go for firearms to dispose of varmints inside the house again.
Jilli VoiceOfReason:
Okay, Connie wins. That beats my can of AquaNet hairspray and a lighter trick.
DavidS:
So...spiders are a No? Is that the message I'm getting here? I don't want there to be any ambiguity on this subject.
connie neil:
Hec, I nearly shot my kitchen wall, I think "spiders are a no" is kind of a law of the universe at this point.
DavidS:
I gotta say this makes me feel more nervous about being in your kitchen than I do about spiders.
Aimée:
Hell, I wonder what she does when her risotto is bad. Uzi? Hand grenade?
connie neil:
Um, should I not mention that going to the shooting range is one of the best stress relievers I know? And this was several years ago and I'm MUCH smarter about gun safety now?
DavidS:
So now you'd just pistol-whip the spider?
Sean K:
This is why I do not allow myself to own firearms. I would be trying to shoot the big-ass spiders, too.
connie neil:
I'm not irresponsible, I'm not!
David J. Schwartz:
(Not arguing with the woman with the gun . . .)