'Touched'
This thread is for Buffista quotage. Posts that are profound, witty, or otherwise deserving of immortality go here. This is also Shrift's source for the BRQG, so be aware that if your words end up here, they'll also end up there. Finally, please note which thread spawned the quotage and please white-out anything that might be spoilery to Un-Americans.
MM in the TTT thread, on the 60 or so years without word from Balin:
To: Gimli@lonelymountain.net
From: Balin@minesofmoria.com
(http://www.minesofmoria.com "We Have Mithril At COST!")
Re: How ya' doin'?
Gimster!
Things are going well here. We just hit a new vein of mithril. The wife says hello. There's some drumming that people are complaining about, but I don't think it's anythi;alkhdwknqengg..
Aimee, speaking truth to power in two different fonts, in Natter 7
"Folks, folks, calm down please. Now, I need all those that are happy-go-lucky and cheerful in the mornings to group to the right. That's it...keep going...you'll see the short bridge and the sign that says "Long Walks-Free". Okay, bitter and resentful, you'll be gathering to the left. Exactly right outside the "Eventually Will Rule Everything" room. No, no...that's the "Smarter Than You" conference center. We'll be going there later.....
This message is not meant to offend anyone happy-go-lucky and/or cheerful in the mornings. This message is to serve those that are bitter and resentful to pull their spirits up so that they too will become happy-go-lucky and/or cheerful in the mornings, since that is the one true race.
edited to add...
And Miracleman, in response, make it a two-fer for their household:
Who are you trying to fool? You're not happy-go-lucky and/or cheerful in the morning. You're barely sentient in the morning! It's all husband-helps-you-put-on-robe-
shuffle-to-living-room-have-cigarette-blankly-jump-in-
shower-get-ready-wander-out-door-to-work-with-
brief-kiss-for-robehelping!husband.
I will not be a party to your deception, love.
Signed,
Gonna-get-it-when-she-gets-home-husband.
[edit by John H for browser-stretching]
Phill in Buffy:
Xander: ...I think you're extrordinary.
Dawn: Hey, you...
W: Everybody, guess what, Dawn's a mutant, she can breathe fire AND fix windows with her mind!
X: I quit.
It's all husband-helps-you-put-on-robe-shuffle-to-living-room
-have-cigarette-blankly-jump-in-shower-get-ready
-wander-out-door-to-work-with-brief-kiss-for-robehelping!husband.
And Aimee's further followup:
Is that you??
[edit by John H for browser-stretching]
Emily: Anyway, if I can take a class at Harvard Extension for that little money, then I don't really mind dropping this one.
Sean K: And you get the privelege of telling people you went to HAhvahd. edited by Sean K on Jan 22, 2003 2:18:31 pm EST
Emily: Yeah, but Sean, you know my compulsive honesty. I'd always last about three seconds before saying, "Actually, the extension school, which you don't have to apply for."
MiracleMan: And after that she'd engage in ritual mortification in the linen closet with a cat o' nine tails made from shredded towels muttering "BAD Emily...BAD Emily...remember station in life...the sin WON'T COME OFF..."
Phill: Yeah, but you just need to add a few grunts, mutter chicken fucker, and twitch and people will think your adendum is tourettes.
billytea: I use the same approach when an interviewer gets onto past criminal convictions.
Miracleman: I just lunge across the desk and chloroform them, then slip a half-empty bottle of gin into their desk drawer. When they wake up I offer to "discuss" their drinking problem with HR.
billytea: Y'know, just once I'd like to see you solve a problem without chloroform.
Aimee: coughhowhegotmetomarryhimcough
Miracleman
Hey, that's an unfair characterization.
I sometimes use a dart loaded with ketamine.
The hard part is sneaking the rifle past reception.
Phill:
Ketamine? Laudanum? It's like you guys read my diary.
seriously, stay out of my diary.
BHP: Nobody is ever kidnapped with chloroform any more. I feel this is an important plot trope that should appear in more popular novels. Also white slavery. And duels.
Emily: Yeah, and what happened to the laudanum? What, it's not fashionable enough for your modern druggers? (Is druggers a real word? No. Look! Shiny thing!)
Segue from laudanum to absinthe, leads to debate on advantages and disadvantages of latter:
Sean K.: I think it's sort of like Jägermeister. Also big jujuu, much magic.
Aimeé: Hmmm... I do believe you misspelled "tastes like shit. Causes much vomiting."