LJ, that story is just amazing.

Thanks! It's so different from what I normally write, but it was the B/A story that made the most sense to me.

I fixed my last scene...I thought the plot would move more but they like to banter, and drag me along.

KAY

Somehow, I knew costumes would come into my relationship with the Munchkin eventually. It had to happen...he would start mumbling about “tragic inevitability” or something I’m sure. You should count your blessings I’m telling this part cause I’ve heard him go on and on about agave...or something like that. It’s true I owe some wild nights to tequila, but that isn’t the same...tequila’s not Greek, is it? I should ask Billy Constantine over at the Western when I get back to Balmer again. On second thought, this is not a story for the squad.

It started simply enough. Munch, as my witness, was telling me where the evidence was. “I have some,” he said. “It’s back at the lair, though.”

“Hey, there, Little Red Riding Hood.” I quoted.

“What?” he asked, fake-innocent.

“ Get serious, John. Like I’m just gonna go into a vampire’s bedroom. I was born at night, not last night. Buddy, I’d take backup into your place human, huh? Let me just round up Gunn and Wesley, and we’ll hit the ground running.”

“But what about Darla and the minions? If Dirty Harry Potter goes charging in there, things could get ugly.”I give him my “Who gives a shit?” face...third most common detective expression, if you’re playing at home.

“For him, too, I mean,” Munch says. “The Princess smells him, it’s curtains.”

“She could *smell* him? You’re just living all kinds of twisted little fantasies here, aren’t you?”

“ Believe it or not, it has a down side. But I’m not out of suggestions. How do you feel about parties?”

“Have you sucked a pharmacist?”

“Yes. The effect was strangely underwhelming. But that’s a story for another day. Now we must prepare for the Wolfram and Hart Annual Revue. You’re going undercover, babe.”

He shows me the little piece of black dominatrix wear I’d be wearing to this shindig. Tight, and leather, and things. Jesus, Mary, and Joseph...I was embarrassed just looking at it.”No. Unh huh. Cause you see, Munchkin, undercover usually implies a cover bigger than a rubber postage stamp. My breasts are gonna come in the room five minutes before I do.”

“I’ve noticed.” And the bastard smiles. “Terrible terrible thing...for noble public servant Kay Howard. But not for Kay Howard, fledgling minion.”

“Unbelievable. Gee thinks I’m resting, Munchkin. And I don’t believe you carry that stuff around with you...”

“You never know when an urge will strike,” he says and smirks again. He looks down at my boots. “Those just aren’t quite right. Do you have taller ones?”

“Do I look like I have dominatrix boots?” Jeez, he’s known me how long now?! “And besides I thought I’d be back in the City of the Brokenhearted, as you call it, long before this.”
“Don’t worry... I brought heels, too.”

“This plan gets better and better.” I groan. “Give me a nice drive-by any day. Some nice spent shell casings on the ground or something. Simple stuff.”

“You know I’ve been thinking...”

“You keep playing with that you’re going to go blind, John.”

“Shut up. But nobody’s gonna believe you’re a minion. You have too much authority.” And, stupid me, that crazy back-handed compliment from an undead member of my squad threatens to make me well up. Honest to God, three bullets and I’m a sap. Good thing Chick never knew that or he might’ve shot me.

“Go on, get dressed.” He looks at me thoughtfully for a minute. “You ok?”

“Yeah, sure. Damn pollution.”

“ Right, the misery of particulates. Nothing else?”

“Next time I worry about somebody, I suffer in silence.”

“That’s what all my women say."

“Let’s just get this over with, huh?” And I take the costume and the first pair of shoes, and go in Cordy’s place.

“ I wanted the full effect,” he shouts from outside.

“Keep dreaming!” And then I mumble. “I have.” Damn it, he’s got superhearing now, Howard, you idiot. That’s what you get for paying so much attention to the sound of Wes’ words and not enough to what he said. Ladies, living or dead, men are big pains in the ass.

(giggling like a loon)

Glad you like it. Munch/Kay banter is so much fun.

Kay as Dom Minion is beyond fun, honey. You just know there's going to be legendary mythical cult thing that springs up because of her hair, in the demon world.

I could see that.

Like the Larson cartoon, of the snails worshipping the giant salt-shaker, just imagine a bunch of slithery demons circling a huge red wig, chanting "EENY wanna OONOO wa! EENY wanna OONOO wa!"

KAY More Vamp!Munchkin, still Kay's POV

I go into the bathroom and struggle into this thing, which isn’t easy cause Dennis hates the sight of it and keeps turning the lights out on me. Great, more opinion from dead guys. Just what I need. I should have stayed at the hotel...if I get any safer I’m gonna need a rubber room.
“Dennis,” I say, ‘I know you’re trying to protect me. But this is just work, really. Embarrassing work,” I add pointedly,” if you’re not already some vampire’s chew toy, but you know, part of the job. Give me the shoe, Dennis.”

“Is everything ok in there?”Munch asks. He is not coming in here. Or even entering. As God is my witness. Although if God is everywhere, He's surprised at me right now, I could bet on it. Wonder if it's too late to get started at K-Mart.

“Nothing you need to be worried about.” It's hard to sound commanding when you're half-naked and can barely breathe, but I guess vampires don't worry about that. But I do ok. Munch is silent for two whole minutes, which I think is a personal record.

But just when I think peace is about to break out, Cordy weighs in and sighs disapprovingly.”Is this for a case? Cause don’t think I don’t appreciate everything you do around the office, including letting a lech vampire know where I live, but I hope my life isn’t being disrupted for ladies’ night at Caritas.”

“No, “ I say, “I’m gonna get back to Balmer by following the world’s oldest profession, huh? Much easier than my current gig. More time on my back.”

“No, wait. You’re dressed like that to be a carpenter?”
“Yeah. A carpenter.”

“Well, I don’t know.” Munch says. “I think she could get nailed in that.”

“You’re not helping, Munchkin. Yes, Cordy, I’m following an investigative lead.”

“Is he looking at me? Tell him not to look at me.”

”I take it back,” Munch says. “I thought you were the most attractive woman under thirty in LA, but you’re a prude. I’m not a lech...I may have aspirations toward being a bon vivant, but the French attitude about these things is so much more civilized.”

“Being hot for Catherine Deneuve doesn’t make you French, John.”

But surprisingly it works. Cordy flushes and says “Really? The most attractive under thirty? Wow.” I had always kind of wondered, you know, what his secret was. What made all these young hotties want to go a few rounds with him with his bleak attitude, messed up finances, and face that was kind of close to the “Mother could love” side of the spectrum, huh? He couldn’t kill a perp for everyone. At the beginning, he knows what to say. I’d spend some time wondering where that skill goes, but I’ve only got three months in the City of Angels.
“Can you walk?” Cordy asked me. “You don’t seem like the heel type.”

I lurch out three steps. “Easy.” I lie. “I’m slicker than snake snot.”

“Really, it’s that refined attitude that’s going to help the most.”

Oops. Spoke too soon. A few more steps and that ceramic tile claims me for its own. “Ow. Son of a...”
Cordy shakes her head and wrinkles her nose. “I mean, dear me, wasn’t that most incredibly painful?”

“You’re supposed to be classy!” Cordy bitches.

“What do I sound like?” I take off one hooker heel and massage my foot. This feels too much like high school, mixed with a bondage movie. Maybe I don't care about Wolfram and Hart. Maybe Munch is still paranoid.

“Audrey Hepburn on cold pills. It’s no surprise though with those shoes diverting blood from your brain. Let’s take off an inch, ok?”

Uh-oh. erika, this looks insanely funny, but we need some more paragraph breaks in the formatting.

Don't mind me - I have a mild concussion and a huge lump and bright purple bruise on my forehead, where I walked into the edge of one of the office overhead shelves.