There's a plot bunny bounding about in my head. Star Trek, TOS, has the line, "Captain, the precipation consists of males."

I can't describe the sound I'm making right now, Madrigal. So Fucking Funny.

please, please, please let this be the last of it

[cue ominous music, scroll text in all-caps]

Carnage on Sesame Street!

Day 2

[Kermit the Frog is looking less dapper. In the background we hear hysterical muppet laughter]

Kermit: It's day two of terror here on Sesame Street. Drusilla and Elmo are still stalking the neighborhood, singing songs and taking names. The trail of spilled stuffing in their wake is horrible to see. The list of missing presumed dead includes Big Bird, Cookie Monster, Grover, Bert and Ernie and others. Others are still in hiding, barring their doors and resisting all attempts to reach them.

[Cue blurry footage of Drusilla and Elmo standing at Oscar's garbage can]

Elmo: [knocking on lid] Come out, Oscar!

Oscar: No way, you pointy-toothed freak!

Elmo: [shocked] Oscar! That was mean!

Oscar: Are you or are you not going to eat me if I stick my head out of this can?

Elmo: Um, well . . . No, I'm not!

Oscar: I don't believe you!

Elmo: [pouting] Are you calling Elmo a liar?

Ocar: Yeah!

Drusilla: [hugging the little red vampire puppet] It's all right, love, Drusilla will think of someway to get the mean old grouch out of his can.

Elmo: [kicks Oscar's can] Meanie!

Oscar: When will you people get it through your heads that I'm--wait, I think I've got the wrong script . . .

Drusilla: [tugging on Elmo's paw] Let's go see if we can find the froggie. He looked tasty.

Elmo: Yeah! Let's go eat Kermit!

[As they start away, Elmo begins to sing "Rubber Ducky"]

New voice off camera: No! I have been through enough of this [happy singing birds block out the next few words] while I've been like this, and I will be [happy singing birds] if I'm going to listen to that [happy etc.] song!

Drusilla: Daddy?

Elmo: Drusilla's daddy is here?

[camera turns to show Puppet!Angel stalking down Sesame Street, scarred and scowling and with a broadsword over his shoulder]

Elmo: Drusilla! Your daddy's a puppet!

Puppet!Angel: [swings sword off shoulders and points it at Elmo] Don't you start, you fuzzy abomination!

Drusilla: [claps hands] Daddy! My daddy's a dolly, just like Miss Edith!

Puppet!Angel: [points sword at Drusilla] I can take care of you, too, young lady, don't think I can't!

Druslla: Promise?

[A shot of baa-ing, frolicking lambs takes over the picture for the next few seconds as Sesame Street's inherent naughtiness filters take over]

Elmo: [shaking head and staring at the grinning Drusilla] Elmo didn't understand that at all.

Puppet!Angel: [looking uncomfortable] No, Drusilla, you cannot check to make sure all the parts are here. Sheesh, and I thought Spike had a twisted brain. [shakes himself] Anyway! I'm here to stop you two from wreaking any more havoc on these poor innocent people.

Elmo: [pouting] I don't like you, Drusilla's Daddy! Elmo is having fun! And Elmo is going to sing Ernie's song! "Rubber ducky--"

Puppet!Angel: No singing! [Runs forward, sword swinging]

[Fluffy, frolicking lambs and happy, singin birds. When the picture comes back, Puppet!Angel is standing in the middle of Sesame Street surrounded by stuffing and red fluff. He's in game face and grinning]

Puppet!Angel: [looks at sword, which has bits of red fluff sticking to it] Much better!

Drusilla: Daddy killed Elmo!

Puppet!Angel: Daddy did more than kill Elmo, Daddy frappeed Elmo. [glares at Drusilla] Drusilla, you've been a bad girl. [Drusilla claps her hands in delight] No, not like that! Stop that!

Drusilla: [batting eyelashes] Daddy's not going to punish me?

Puppet!Angel: Uh . . . yes--no! Stop that!

Drusilla: [smiling and sauntering towards Puppet!Angel] But if I've been bad, then I have to be punished.

Puppet!Angel: Bad Drusilla!

[Fluffy lamb and happy birds for quite a long time]

[picture comes back to Kermit, who looks very shocked]

Kermit: Well, I think the problem is over. Sesame Street News advises residents, though, to stay off the street for a bit longer, though. It may be a while before we can get everything, um, cleaned up. This is Kermit the Frog, reporting from Sesame Street!

Bwah-ha-ha-ha!

Connie, you even managed to sidestep my Puppets Don't Have Sex squick. That was great!

Druslla: Promise?

Bwah! Connie that was great.

Dear Muse:

OK, I've got the dark chocolate Hershey's Kisses restocked, and there's diet Coke in the fridge. I won't let us run out again if you don't make us do strange things with puppets anymore.

Deal?

Signed

The person with the keyboard

I shouldn't try to do fic on Angel night, I always get distracted. But at least it doesn't involve puppets. Angel is prowling around to find out what's happened to Spike

The building in the middle of the development showed activity. Angel circled it carefully. Light showed out of half-blocked windows, and another guard, female this time, leaned in the front doorway. A well-organized group, by the look of it.

A car engine and loud music warned him to duck behind some rubble. A black De Soto squealed tires around the corner and screeched to a stop in front of a set of garage doors. The horn beeped twice, the garage doors rolled up, and the car pulled in.

A male vampire strolled up. "Hey, boss!"

The driver's door opened with a blare of punk rock from the stereo. Spike leaned out and tossed a can of beer over.

"Thanks!"

When the song ended, Spike killed the stereo and climbed out of his reclaimed car, carrying several grocery bags. "Anything fun happen while I was out, Sammy?"

"Sorry, no."

Peeling the wrapper off a pack of cigarettes, Spike nodded at the empty side of the garage. "Where's he taken himself off to?"

"Book shipment, he said."

"Yeah, right," Spike laughed. "He's probably trolling the bus station, with his 'I'm so respectable, look at my shiny foreign car, can I give you a ride, little girl?' routine. Or little boy, depending on his mood."

I warped Connie. I warped Connie. Hee!

Or little boy, depending on his mood."

Giles is a very bad vampire.

VampGiles could be Ripper with fangs....

You think?