More from the Munchkin(He and Kay have such strong voices, I'm surprised I ever write for Frank N Tim)
I think about saying something, but there's a noise in the other room.
"What the devil is that?" Darla says. Sometimes she talks like she's in a woodcut or something. Of course, I think it's sexy.
"Probably Drusilla foraging for entrails," Sometimes it's easy to forget how my life has changed. But there are sentences that make me pay attention. That is definitely one. "I'll talk to her. She likes me."
"Because you spoil her rotten."
This may be true, but I feel like fighting about it anyway. And there is one gift we haven't exchanged, thanks to me. "Where's your rachmones, huh? She wouldn't even be in that position if you'd been able to keep your fangs in your mouth for five minutes!"
"That was two hundred years ago. Ancient history. I'm not going to argue this again."
"If I remember correctly, we've never finished arguing about it." I start off strong, but she works the Voice on me. I'm frickin' helpless against that. "Yes, but remember what we did instead?"And the laugh. Like tarnished jingle bells. I love it so much.And though she doesn't need to breathe, the gust of air against my ear, because in a homesick moment,I confessed I missed it. She wouldn't do that for just anyone, would she?
"I'm going to let you take me out tonight." Part of me knows I've lost something here, and tries to shake its fist and yell "Hey..." but for once I have no urge to rant.(I should know that is Very Bad for me, but for a minute it felt like health.)
"Are you going to wear the black thing with the cleavage?"
"You always ask about that dress," The Princess smiles. There are few things more beautiful than a Princess who gets her way.Unbidden, an image of Kay at her desk, chewing on a pen...this close to bringing in some perp comes floating to mind. Yeah, that was close. "Yeah, well," I lie, "I'm a simple guy."
-more-

"Darling," she says. "You're not a guy anymore. You have the power of life, and death, and immortality. Stop thinking of yourself in human terms."
"I can't get used to your terms. I don't want to be your childe, Darla."
And, at the risk of sounding like Dorothy with the ruby slippers, the power of life and death was something I had all along.As a man, I used it once. And I probably wouldn't have, if Pratt hadn't gotten both Kay and Stanley.It felt like he went after my life three ways.
After, I sickened myself by wishing I could take Kay one of his ears.Like a bullfighter or one of those rednecks I protested during Vietnam. I pictured her making a keychain of it.
But that was crazy, of course, so I didn't touch the head. I cleaned up perfectly and would have been above even suspicion from anyone if I hadn't forgotten which Greek place in Baltimore opens late on Friday.(In my defense, they are quite similar, both run by widows with gorgeous underaged daughters, who don't think I eat enough. The widows, not the daughters. The daughters ignored me with a completeness that is a synonym for "pang" or "ancient". I never forgot my age when I went for Greek food in Charm City.) It's the thought of that kill that keeps me from Vampire Instruction. Cause I thought up that mutilation with soul intact.
ETA: Imagery.

What I did this morning instead of work:

Xander liked to come out and sit in the bus sometimes. He liked the feel of that big steering wheel beneath his hands, even if he couldn’t actually drive anymore. He’d make “vroom vroom” noises and remember what it was like when the world wasn’t flat. He liked the silence, too. Sometimes, traveling with so many slayers could get to be a little overwhelming, what with the gossiping and the giggling and the occasional catfight. Well, the catfights were actually ok, or better than ok, especially the time when Candy from Oklahoma and El Paso Bridget got into it over who’d be the first in the shower. It wasn’t always all bad, but sometimes a man needed a break. He’d come out to the bus from time to time and sit and watch the sunset. Try to clear his head.

“What are you doing?” He looked up to find Andrew, the last person he wanted to see, pushing his way onto the bus and standing on the bottom step.

“I was trying to meditate.” Andrew’s eyes dropped briefly to Xander’s fly. “I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

“I won’t take up much of your time. I…I have something for you.” Andrew held out a package wrapped in rainbow colored happy birthday paper.

“It’s not my birthday.” Xander bit back the “idiot.” The whole gift horse in the mouth thing.

“I know. It’s a Christmas present actually. This was the only wrapping paper I could find at the truck stop.”

“Why are you giving me a Christmas present? It’s not some demon summon-y thing or a magic eyeball?”

“You lost your eye fighting an evil misogynistic priest, you finally got back together with your one true love, whom you’d left at the altar, and then she was slaughtered protecting your ex-arch nemesis. You’re boyhood home got sucked into a gaping chasm, probably killing almost all of your friends and family. I thought you deserved a little treat.” Andrew was standing on the second step now, arm outstretched, offering Xander the gift with that silly expression that he sometimes got, half hero-worship, half something Xander would rather not think about. He couldn’t just let him stand there. He reached out, took the gift, and just pretended he didn’t notice Andrew’s little shiver when their fingers touched. “Open it.”

“Oh God, it’s not a magic eyeball, is it?” he whispered. It felt too heavy anyway. He had to admit there was nothing like tearing open a present, even from Andrew. “It’s a book. So not what I was expecting, but. . .” His breath caught a little as he looked at the beautifully bound volume in his hands. Deep rich leather with gold embossed lettering. “How did you do it?” He ran his hands down the spine, cracked open the cover and read the title page, The Amazing Adventures of the Invincible Anya Emmanuela Christina Jenkins.

“Do you like it? I figured she had a story worth telling.”

“I like it. A lot. Thank you, Andrew.” He smiled and actually meant it for the first time in a while. “So, what’s it about?”

“Well, I tried to find out everything about her that I could. You’d be surprised how many vengeance demons are on AIM. Apparently, it’s a good place to find clients. I could read it to you, if you want.”

“Yeah, that would be nice.” Xander handed the book back to Andrew and motioned for him to take the bank of seats just behind the driver’s.

“Where should I start?”

“Start from the beginning.” He stared straight ahead at the moon that was just rising over the top of the Motel 6 sign and listened to the sound of the pages turning.

“Chapter one. Once upon a time, there was a beautiful, yet strangely off-putting girl, named Aud.”

Oh my LORD, erika. Glad to know you're in the "Munch shot Pratt" camp. So am I. Not proven? Who cares?

And Dru foraging for entrails? Beyond snerkworthy.

Yep, I'm in the corner with you and Timmy. Nice corner. At first, I thought otherwise, but hell, he knows about civil disobedience and so forth. I'm sure some philosopher could rationalize it for him. And I think part of him wouldn't resist acting outside the system...the part he wouldn't expect would be the strength of his feelings. And of course, it pushes the angst up to 11 that way, even with the Wizard reference. Happy Holidays! But I'm glad Tim trusted him anyway. And Kat P as always, a worthy addition to the plural marriage. Excellent Andrew.

And the laugh. Like tarnished jingle bells. I love it so much.

As do I. Guh. (I'm thinking about naming my *new* car Darla... probably not the wisest name, huh?)

(now you've got ME saying 'huh'!!!)

You’d be surprised how many vengeance demons are on AIM. Apparently, it’s a good place to find clients.

Oh, Kat, I love it! I bet Andrew got the idea from watching The OC, and thought he could do Anna several better.

Dang. Kay's voice is hella contagious. But I guess I captured it. Naming your car Darla is probably like naming it Christine, but maybe that doesn't bother you.(And mine is named after the rottenest tv gf evah so I've not got room to criticize.)

Well, I don't have her yet, so I'm gathering ideas and waiting to see what she tells me. As my parents demonstrated last night, non-Buffy people think of Our Gang Darla.

Munchkin did, too. Now, look what happened.

I bet Andrew got the idea from watching The OC, and thought he could do Anna several better.

I'm sure he did. He probably thought about donning the Wonder Woman costume but then thought better of it.