Thanks smonster, deb, erika, Susan, and thanks again to Dana and Am.

I was editing here, because my Word program is missing in action. dh came in, started talking to me, the board ate half of the first post, and I hadn't copied it before I submitted. It was all changed up. I saved what I could, but have removed the whole thing for now. Sorry to mess up the thread.

The problem w/ 50 posts per page (in BF, anyway) is that you get to the end to post and have been logged out.

That shouldn't happen. I have mine set at 50 and don't have that problem.

I have mine at 100 and don't get logged out. Of course, I have the "remember my login" checked and so it sees my cookie.

Lovely work, everyone. I'm still not quite caught up, but I thought I'd offer these suggestions to Am (though I think some may have already been mentioned):

one at the end of the high street called 'The Magic Box',

I think the order of this should be rearranged to something more like, 'The Magic Box', you can find it at the end of Main Street.

"Thanks you, Mr Jones," Lex said, concluding his conversation on the telephone. "Come in, Mr Kiaren."

Thank, not thanks

hours spend poring

spent

"I'll take the notes I've made today back to Mr Sugar, but I don't imagine that there'll be a problem.

You've only previously mentioned Mr. Kiaren (and that's a very odd name) who is Mr. Sugar? It sounds familiar. I think he'd drop the word that. "I don't imagine there'll be a problem."

It's one of those things people tend to ignore," Xander said. "I was there, and I suggest that's the best plan of action."

Uk-ish phrasing and I don't think Xander would tell Lex he was there -- maybe because I just watched The Zeppo. Maybe something more like:

"It's one of those things people tend to ignore," Xander said. "It seems like a good plan."

It's safer not to," Xander told him. "Don't ask questions, don't wonder around after dark, and if you have a problem, go to the shop called the Magic Box, in the high street. Even if I'm not there—and I often am—you'll find someone who can help you."

wander, not wonder. ...and if you have a problem, go to The Magic Box on Main. Even if...

we often drop the word street, avenue, etc., unless there's more than one and we're trying to be precise. casual americans.

"Xander?" Willow repeated, struggling to remember where she'd seen this man's face before. "He's, err, just out the back."

ukish phrasing: "He's out in the back" or, "He's outside, uh, in the back."

"Err… it's a long story," Xander said.

You've used err a lot in here. Maybe a few uhs or hmms for hesitations?

"No," Anya said. "It's all a secret, and you're not allowed to know. Go home."

I love this Anya!

maybe Anya's got enemys that would do something?

enemies

Willow, we need to make sure he isn't in hospital or something."

Willow, check the hospital seems more in character since Buffy is pretty straightforward. As mentioned previously, we wouldn't say "in hospital". We'd say something like, "see if he's in the hospital".

The emergency room was busy, and Willow was glad she knew the layout well. She looked round, trying to spot and nurse she could ask…

This phrasing slows things down and, imo, seems to be in contradiction to the action. Maybe something like:

The emergency room was busy, normal for Sunnydale. Willow looked around, trying to spot a nurse she could ask...

no one she recognised at first glace.

glance

I'm really enjoying this story. You've set it firmly in time so we know what's going on. Your characters' voices are very well done. Lex is, I think, very smoothly added, and you're not "rushing your fences" so to speak, shoehorning him into the action. I'd really like to read more...

Cindy, I wish I could have read what you wrote. The snippets I got were intriguing.

and that's about all my time for the day. Back to the usual.

And, I totally missed on, unless it's been touched on?

"the high street" is purely UK. The concept doesn't exist in the US (says the Anglo/American): there really is no US equivalent, since Main Street, USA means something different, where as the high is usually just the main street in a UK township where all the shops are.

What does Main Street, USA mean?

ita, Main Street, USA is a gestalt, not a place: it seems to mean different things to different people, but generally, I've found it's evocative of Small Town America where the picket fences are white, the flag blows above the post office, and All Is Well.

OK, maybe I wasn't clear on the "High street" concept. Sorry if I misled anyone.

You know, deb, I had no idea. I thought it was High Street.