Cool...I'll think about it...I'm jumping into the 2000s one wheelstroke at a time.

Perkins, I'm working on a couple for you just now - would you rather they read La Perkins or LA Perkins or la perkins?

FAY!!!

HAPPY 30th!

WHICH THE ASSCAPS TYPE AS #)TH!

beams

Mwah!

Hee! Perkins or LA Perkins is great.

BTW, HAPPY BIRTHDAY again. Did you have a good one? Are you going to tell us stories about it in Bitches?

Icons Insent!

(Birthday v. quiet -- went out for yummy Mexican dinner with parents.)

Fay, I'll have to look at them when I get home, but THANK YOU!!!

My pleasure, love. He's pretty.

When You Are Tired of London

Part Ten: The Parlor Scene

Getting everybody to James’ apartment was harder than one would think.

“James,” purred Caterina, “Why don’t we ditch these people and go somewhere to be alone?"

Giles actually looked like he was considering it for a second, but one look at Willow and her resolve face knocked him back into line. “Come along, then,” said Giles. “It’ll be…” he looked at the very confused assemblage “Fun.”

Buffy, not looking at all pleased with the woman hanging off of Giles’ arm, was apparently trying her best to be civil.

“Nice necklace,” she said. “Looks expensive.”

“It would be,” said Caterina, cattily. “It’s an antique. A family heirloom.”

“Maybe we should shuffle off,” said Gary. “This is starting to seem a little crowded.”

“Nonsense,” said Patrick, enraptured. “I can’t help but think that something unusual is going to happen, and I want to be there to see it.”

“I’ve called for a car,” said Terry.

“Might need two,” said Xander, who had just made a couple phone calls himself. “There’s a lot of us.”

“Never fear,” said Terry. “Our ride awaits.”

Twenty minutes and much small talk later, a stretch limousine appeared in front of the club. Xander, particularly, seemed perplexed when Terry stepped inside of it.

“Wait. This is for us?” he asked Willow, who was just as perplexed as he was, but made less of a show of it. “Guess so,” she said. Neither of them budged. Buffy stepped past them, stopping to whisper, “C’mon you guys. Case is almost over. Go with the flow.” She slid into the limousine, next to Terry, who already had a glass of champagne poured for her, which she accepted with a smile.

“So, Buffy,” he said, conversationally. “How are you finding your stay in London?”

“Well,” she said, taking a sip. “It’s not boring.”

“Ah,” he said. “Wilde once said that when you are tired of London, you’re tired of life.”

“It was Samuel Johnson,” said Giles, causing all of James’ friends to stare at him in amazement. Sheepishly, he added, “everyone makes that mistake.”

They arrived at James’ flat, and the guests made themselves comfortable in his living room. Caterina, particularly, seemed annoyed. “So,” she said. “What are we going to do? Play twister?” Giles nearly choked.

“How about charades?” said Buffy. Caterina just glared at her as the door rang. It was Elizabeth.

“All right, James, she said. What’s so all-fired important that you had to…” she stopped mid-sentence at the sight of Caterina. “I know you,” she said. “You’re the girl from the salon! What are you doing…Oh. I see you’ve, ahem, met my ex-husband.”

“Well, I’ve certainly been trying to,” said Caterina. “But I suspect that’s not happening, so…” she was headed for the door, but Buffy stepped in front of her. “Don’t leave now,” she said. Things are just getting good. At that instant, the door opened, and James walked in, accompanied by Faith.

“Hey guys,” she said. “Giles and I…Holy shit! Giles has an evil twin!” “WE ARE NOT TWINS!” exclaimed Giles and James in unison, with Giles adding, “I have better posture.”

“I’ll bet you’re wondering why I’ve called you all here,” said Xander, stepping to the middle of the floor. He was met with blank stares.

“Sorry, always wanted to say that. We’ve brought you here because, someone has been making threats on James’ life. Someone in this room” There was a gasp from James’ friends and ex-wife, who seemed to have forgotten that they’d all been informed of this earlier.

“Who’s James?” Faith asked, looking back and forth between Giles and James.

“Giles’ wacky identical cousin,” said Xander, re-seizing the moment. “Gary, earlier, we discussed James’, ahem, dating habits.”

“Right,” said Gary. “Different bird every night. But I never…”

“You’ve never been jealous enough to threaten his life?” Gary fervently denied it. “Xander’s getting just a bit too into this,” whispered Willow to Buffy.

“Let him do the Clouseau,” whispered Buffy. “Man needs a hobby.”

“No, Gary, you weren’t. But someone else here was. Isn’t that right… Elizabeth?”

“What? Me?” she said, temper obviously simmering. “Maybe a few years ago, but now? No way. What’s the point?”

“C’mon now, Elizabeth,” said Xander. “Don’t you ever wish…”

“I’m bored now, James,” said Caterina to Giles, while James looked on in horror, nearly forgetting that he was the alleged victim in this story.

“I never wished him dead, if that’s what you’re getting at,” she said. “I wish he’d grow up, sometimes, but that’s about it. Bloody Hell, told your girl there that the other…”

Moving with a violent explosion of speed, Buffy suddenly reached out and tore the necklace from Caterina’s neck.

“Hey! Give that back!” she shouted, lunging at Buffy. Faith stepped in to pull her back.

“Uh-uh,” said Buffy. “One step and the necklace is powder.”

Caterina stopped, but continued to glare at Buffy.

“Oh, all right already,” said Caterina, annoyed. “I’m a vengeance demon, OK?”

Giles backed away from her. “Oh, dear,” he said, astonished. That means the threats, the forgetfulness…”

“We’re getting to that.” said Xander.

“Right, but how did you recognize her?” asked Giles.

Xander shrugged. “She was at my wedding.” “Oh. Right,” said Giles.

“She was… bumpier then.”

“Ahem,” coughed Buffy.

“Right,” said Xander. “But it doesn’t stop there, does it? Patrick, you led Terry to a little antique shop recently, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” said Patrick. “A friend had mentioned it.”

“Someone connected to the occult, perhaps?”

“Someone who reads tarot cards to pick up girls,” countered Patrick. “Terry was looking for a gift, so I brought him to his shop.”