Thanks. She's foreign to me...not in the same way as she is to Fay, but... definite alien quantity. I was thinking I wasn't hitting it with her. That just shows how people know their stuff, hmm.(And that looks unfortunately porny next to a comment about my physical appearance. But I'll leave it.)

What would a British person say if they wanted to say that someone was really crazy, but in a funny, jokey way not a mean way? Gah, I really feel unable to write Spike in any kind of convincing way.

Also, would a British person know the children's rhyme "This little piggy went to market, this little piggy stayed home. . ."?

A nutcase? Barking mad? A few sandwiches short of a picnic?

and yes on the toe-counting rhyme. I think it went to the US from the UK, but I may be on crack.

Thank you, my dear. I like the sandwiches/picnic.

I had this little piggy as a child, and was under the impression it actually began in Yorkshire.

Fay, "nutter" is one of my favourites.

V!Giles. And things begin to circle in to a close

Blood finally smeared the Hellgod's face as Spike continued pummelling her. She actually seemed dazed by the blows, her head rocking under the impacts.

The violence was soothing after a night of frustration. Even rampaging through the Knights hadn't taken enough of an edge off Spike's anxiety. Having his hands on the creature who meant to sacrifice Dawn--not to mention who had tortured Spike himself--was sweet. Though he could have done with a few more signs of damage. He was causing more harm to his knuckles than to Glory. If he could just get her to change into her mortal, killable form . . .

Over the smack of fists hitting flesh came another sound: birdsong. In the trees of the olive grove outside the convent walls and in the scrub pine on the hills behind, the birds felt the approach of dawn and began to wake.

For the first time in his unlife, Spike heard that sound without a start of fear. "Hear that, bitch? World's waking up to the new day. Morning has broken, but it ain't no portal of yours that's done it."

Glory blinked, and her eyes went to the sky, where the stars were fading fast and air was turning the blue of an exquisite mountain springtime morning. "No," she whispered from split lips.

"Oh, yes."

She looked away from the sky and locked gazes with Spike. "I just wanted to go home. And you stopped me. And now you're stuck with me. Whatcha gonna do with me now, huh, smartypants?"

She twisted, got a knee free, and slammed it up between Spike's legs. He screamed, and the blow knocked him away from her. He lay crumpled on the ground, unable even to draw breath for whimpers.

Vaguely he heard a shout from Harris' direction and words from the chapel in Joyce's voice that she'd ground either of her daughters for even thinking. And the footsteps of Glory, who had gotten to her feet and was coming for him to finish the job.

Xander fought off agonized male sympathy and brought up the rifle. Maybe the damage was cumulative. Glory was knocked off her feet by the impact of the last six shots in the clip.

She scrambled back to her feet and glared up at Xander. "This dress is Versace, you jackass! I am so going to come up there and suck down your brain when I'm done with this." She wiped blood off her arms and headed back to Spike, who was trying to get his arms under him.

Xander hit the release on the clip and fumbled for the last bullet clip. He was exhausted and terrified, but his soldier memories and own sense of duty told him to keep trying until the rifle clicked empty for the last time. Then maybe he could use it as a club as Glory finally turned her attention to him.

Glory reached Spike and dragged him up by his shirt. She reached over his head and began digging her fingers into the side of his neck. "You're not using your head for anything, are you?" Spike reached up for her hand but was unable to pull it free. And skin began to rip.

Bad angle for what he wanted up there on the parapet. Xander paid as little attention as humanly possible to the sight of a vampire in the process of getting his head torn off and ran down the steps to the courtyard. Kind of like lining up a pool shot, and hope she doesn't yank on that hand she's got in Spike's neck. He flicked the selector switch to full auto, leveled the rifle and poured the full clip into Glory's body.

Glory jerked at the impact of thirty rounds of bullets traveling twice the speed of sound. The force knocked her over and made her throw Spike towards the chapel door.

"Get him!" Xander yelled, and Sister Agnes and Tara dashed out to drag Spike inside the protection of the chapel.

"Come on!" Tara yelled once they were inside.

Xander grinned at her across the courtyard. "Good to see you back, Tara."

"Xander!"

Glory groaned and dragged herself up. Her dress was a smoking mess from the energy of the bullets that couldn't penetrate her skin. Xander guessed he was lucky he hadn't been hit by ricochets.

Willow joined Tara at the door. "Xander, please, get in here before she gets up!"

"Sorry, Will, got a little more work to do out here yet."

Glory managed to get to her knees. "Oh, gosh," she gasped. "Ow." She managed to focus on Xander. "You *prick*! That *hurt*!"

He shrugged. "Kind of the idea, bitch." He shifted the empty rifle in his hands as she stumbled to her feet. He glanced up at the mountain tops behind the convent. The very tips of the pine trees showed faint spots of color. Not much longer. "You know, you just might want to lay back down and nurse your wounds. A few more minutes, and there's going to be a Slayer showing back up, and I don't think she's going to be pleased to see you."

The vacuous airhead had gone somewhere else. The being glaring at him was every inch the thwarted hellgod with an enemy in her sight. "Bring her on. She can't do any more to me than you can with that pop gun. And once I snack on what's laughable called your brain, I'll be in even better shape."

"About that brain eating thing. The people you eat, you ever hear their voices in your head? 'Cause I'm thinking, maybe you don't want my mind mixing with yours. You know I'll be right there, hanging over your shoulder, criticizing everything and telling you what a loser you truly are."

Glory actually paused and gaped at him. "I do not! Hear voices. I eat you, you go away, and you're--you're just a Twinkie to me. The witch, she would have been good for days. You, I'll probably need a refill in just a couple of hours."

It was kind of like facing off a dead guy in a basement over a bomb with less than twenty seconds on the timer. The world became a simple, peaceful place. "Only one way to find out, isn't there."

"Oh, I am so going to enjoy ripping off your empty head when I'm done suc

"Oh, I am so going to enjoy ripping off your empty head when I'm done sucking it dry."

Glory stomped towards him, and he brought the rifle up to get one last good shot in with the butt end.

Then the wind picked up inside the courtyard, and the dust began spinning. Tiny lightning crackled in the air, and sparks danced.

"God, no." Xander looked to the east, where the sun was not quite putting in its appearance yet. "Too soon, guys, too soon."

Glory grinned at the growing portal. "This'll be them coming back, huh? I bet noshing on my Key would be a big ol' power kick, don't you think? Then I can do some damage. But you first."

Just as she reached for Xander, the portal pulsed into full form, sending a bow wave of wind across the courtyard. Glory and Xander both staggered.

Buffy rolled out of the portal, which closed behind her. She hopped to her feet and brushed off her hands. "Hi, there! Somebody called for a Slayer?"

Am, hon, if you have to choose between me and "Homicide"...go "Homicide." it really is better.

sharpens knife, readies garotting wire, chooses poison

(I mean that in a noun sense of course...not telling you to kill someone!)

Spoil sport. Anyway, with luck I can have both, huh?

connie, that's a wonderful Xander. I love him. And oooo... poor Spike. I can't wait to know what happens.

Erika, I am of the opinion that you should be posting this in Live Journal and/or (when complete) to Glass Onion and Silverlake.

That is all. Maybe you're already planning to, but I just stumbled across this conversation (see comments section) and thought they'd really like your fic.

(I have LJ codes spare, if you need one? Same goes for any other Buffistas, natch.)

Connie, I am so loving the vamp!Giles. I am going to just pretend that S5 really went the way you've written.

I think I should just take a break from fic writing. I have been struggling with this Spred story for weeks. I had the first paragraph written and nothing else. So last night, I finally start to make a little progress. I got up to a little more than a page. Then DH came home and I went to make some grub. I come back, he's looking at something on the net and I notice that Word is closed. So I ask him if he saved before closing and he's like "I didn't close anything." He'd closed the program by accident. Nothing saved. All gone. I know I should have saved before I went to cook, but. . . sigh. So now I'm back to just the one paragraph. Obviously, the fic gods don't want me to write anything right now. Either that, or I'm just incredibly lazy and don't feel like starting over.