There are a couple of other things I'm poking at too, but as I'm going to work it shall have to wait for a later time. Thanks for looking though.

SA, are you doing the remix?

SA, quick takes, line, edits? It's an achingly good characterisation, but I do have a couple of edits/questions/suggestions. Do you want those, or do you want to post the rest first?

Bloody whimpering biker-riding bunny.

Hey! Plei has a portmanteau tagline!

Without having seen the show or knowing any background on the characters, I'd say that was well written, SA. A few things:

For Michael, it's not that he doesn't see how Brian treats him most of the time. He does--he's not stupid. But he can never stop taking care of Brian because he's seen Brian at every point in his life when he needs to be taken care of, and Michael loves being that person. Loves Brian Kinney, and knows that Brian loves him because Michael takes care of him. Even if Brian will never be *in love* with Michael, it's still worth it. It's all worth it.

That's a lot of sentances that aren't full sentances-- is it worth putting a few extra words in to smooth things along? Not that it isn't fairly readable, I'm just wondering if it could be easier.

Overall, it seems to be going well.

Hey! Plei has a portmanteau tagline!

Hee!

Hi, I'm writing Wes/Faith stuff, can you tell?

Hi, I'm writing Wes/Faith stuff, can you tell?

YES please.

SA, since Am gave her takes, I'm going to as well:

First off, lovely characterisations, especially (for me) on Michael, even more so than Brian. And I love the way it's structured.

One thing to watch is a certain bit of fuzziness in the pronouns. Problem with them both being male is that the "he" becomes confusing. Example:

Michael still doesn't know why Brian picked him out of every one else, everyone cooler and smarter and hotter, but he was sitting on the stadium steps one afternoon reading Scorpius issue forty-one when Brian came up behind him and scared the shit out of him, then asked him if he wanted to go for a ride in his dad's hotwired car. He said yes, and never looked back."

I had to track backwards one time for Elvis, and figure out which "he" had done the asking and which "he" had the father and who had the car and who gone in the car and not looked back. Pronouns....

In the first paragraph "doens't" is misspelled.

Could you clarify this for me?

and made conversation with Brian's mom while Brian grabbed his shit to cut out for awhile.

Because it sounds as if he's leaving town, but there's nothing about that afterward...?

I totally love this:

Brian's hand was the first one other than Michael's own to touch his dick, and Michael sang Brian to sleep every night one week when nightmares were terrorizing him so badly even he couldn't shrug it off.

This:

In college Lindsay dated guys. Exclusively. She was a business major when she came in, and an art teacher when she came out. Mainly because of Brian.

I think it's, what, a bit choppy? It follows long, structured storyteller sentences, so the one-word chop thing, coming in abruptly, is a bit of a wait-a-minute moment.

I'd like more, please.

I'm hearing voices in my head. One of those voices is Ethan's, which means my Muse has got her head out of the whiskey bottle or wherever the hell she's been and is doing her job. Fic cannot be far behind.

What's the Chinese proto-slayer's name?

I don't think she was ever given a name in the scripts or in the episode.

and an art teacher when she came out.

There's also a came out = left college / came out = was openly homosexual confusion. It's not major, but it's there. 'left'? 'graduated'?

And-- yay! connie has voices!