"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I forgot rope. I'm sorry." His shoulders are bowed and he seems defeated and I don't understand why.
Giles is polishing his glasses again. "I suppose we shall have to go fetch some. There really is no other way to do it."
"I can't believe I forgot rope."
"Xander, there's nothing to be gained by blaming yourself. Do you have some in the truck?"
And I suddenly know why we need rope - we have to put Buffy in the ground, and we need to lower her in and we don't have any way to do it. But we do. I do.
"Capere." Power rushes through me, lifting my hair from my shoulders, filling me, making me strong. I lift my hand, the coffin rises, hovering a foot off of the ground. Everyone is looking at me. I shift my hand to the right, the coffin moves over the grave. "Ponere." The coffin sets down on the ground. I dust off my knees as I stand. "All done. We didn't need the rope."
Giles looks a little started, but he puts his glasses back on and reaches for a shovel.
I watch as the pale wood is obscured with black earth. I watch as the dirt piles deeper and deeper. I watch as my best friend is buried beneath the ground. I watch as my other best friend replaces sod with the concentration of a child putting together a jigsaw puzzle. I watch as a vampire gently sets into place the headstone of a vampire slayer. When he steps back he clutches the bubble wrap tightly and there is a sharp series of pops.
"I knew it." Tara looks up at me questioningly, but I wave her on. She sits in a lotus at the end of the grave and holds her arms out, palms up in supplication.
"Gaia, please accept our humble thanks for your nurturing body and grant us our plea that you might be healed and prosper." The grass in front of her begins to knit closed the seams and furrows; small white flowers erupt over the grave, covering Buffy like a blanket. It's a pretty thing, and I smile my approval at Tara.
We stand in a semi-circle around Buffy's grave, looking at Giles expectantly, without knowing what to expect. He clears his throat - I guess we all expected that - and looks at each of us.
"Buffy was the Slayer; that is indisputable and essential. She saved the world many times over, and the world went on unknowing. But it would have ended without her. Every person who walks the earth today owes their life to her; and yet she had to struggle every day. She had to worry about school and bills and interference. It's not right that she struggled in obscurity when she should have been lauded from every mountaintop. It's not right that she was more likely to receive a slap in the face than a slap on the back. And I arranged for this - " I followed his gesture to the headstone. "So that she might finally be acknowledged." His eyes squinted in a wince. "I might quibble with the wording, but the sentiment is right.
"And even more so than her effect on the world has been her effect on us; her family and friends. There is not one of us that hasn't been changed by knowing her. There is not one of us that hasn't benefited from her strength and humour - her unwavering belief in doing the right thing."
I remember what I was like before Buffy. So shy and weak that I couldn't protect myself from words, let alone demons. So uncertain of my worth that I couldn't even tell Xander that I loved him and look at me now - holding my lover's hand after I saved her from a god.
"Buffy's determination has been a guiding force for us all. She never gave up, and we have to continue to fight her fight."
But she did. Give up, that is. I saw her give up. I was in her head - I saw everything. She stopped fighting. She stopped caring. She was relieved to stop. She gave in to despair.
"Nothing was more important to Buffy than Dawn. So we will care for Dawn as Buffy would have."
Despair is the unforgivable sin. Tara said so. She said that it dooms your soul to hell.
"We are not the Slayer; we are not a sister; but we can take up Buffy's unfinished roles and do our utmost…"
Buffy is in hell.
"…find the strength within…"
Buffy is in torment.
"Buffy would have wanted this of us, and we owe it to her to fulfil…"
She's suffering.
"… so she may rest in peace."
We all stay silent for a respectful moment, then the others start moving.
"I still don't get how we keep this place secret." Xander is looking up at Giles from where he has knelt to gather the shovels.
"It's a simple spell, really little more than a glamour to distract the eye."
"I still don't get how we keep this place secret."
"Ah, right. Sorry. Why don't you think of it as a mystical Somebody Else's Problem field?"
"Why didn't you just say so in the first place? I'm a hoopy frood."
I can't decide if the sound Spike is making is amusement or derisiveness; but I can easily see the confusion on the female faces. "I'll explain later. Luckily I can translate between magic and geek."
I hold out my right hand to Tara and she takes it. I can feel our power flow and mingle; it's different than doing a spell alone, less intense but somehow warmer. I close my eyes and concentrate on the sensation.
"It's done." I open my eyes and smile at Tara. It's not quite done. There's one more thing I need to do before I can rest.
I wait for the others to go back to the vehicles; I need to be alone with Buffy. The rock is solid and heavy in my hand; I squeeze it one last time as I reach out to touch the cold granite of her gravestone.
"Buffy, you can count on me."
I'm halfway to the car before I think to toss the rock into the woods. There is no time to stop for tradition; I have a fight to win.