I'm a secretary (specifics redacted). I handle a considerable number of purchase orders for optical instruments in support of my group. This morning I was sorting through some catalogues that just arrived, and found one with a photo of a barefoot woman, in a short skirt and plunging neckline, trying to sell optical equipment to me. The catalogue bears your company’s name.

I am not distributing this catalogue. I am assuming that this cover was placed on your catalogue through some oversight or as the result of a prank that was perpetrated on your company by the printer. Please forward to me a catalogue with a cover which is appropriate for this and your other clients’ workplaces – one which would not cause the recipients to be embarrassed to have such catalogues seen on their desks.

Oh, I vote for Narrator's version (depending on her fee; there's always a fee).

Good one Narrator. I like all the responses but hers is spot on with the not!overt snark and simplicity. I love the 'you obviously didn't mean to do/say that' rejoinder.

The state of Utah has recently revamped the sales tax on food rules. If it's prepared food, it gets the full sales tax, but if it's not considered prepared, it gets a lower rate. How do you khow it's "prepared"? It has a utensil with it. Therefore, if you buy a salad and you pick up a fork, then you get a higher tax. If you have your own fork in your pocket, then you get the lower tax.

Why didn't they just repeal the sales tax on food? Because how else would Utah maintain its Billion (with a B) budget surplus?

Please forward to me a catalogue with a cover which is appropriate for this and your other clients’ workplaces – one which would not cause the recipients to be embarrassed to have such catalogues seen on their desks.

Please forward to me a catalogue with a cover which is appropriate for this and your other clients’ workplaces – one which would not cause your representatives to have lethal accidents involving paper clips and Post-it notes.

Therefore, if you buy a salad and you pick up a fork, then you get a higher tax. If you have your own fork in your pocket, then you get the lower tax.

When I was a cashier, NYS had the same rule, however, it didn't have to do with forks, it had to do with whether the food was made in the deli or not. Are you sure the fork thing isn't some crazed cashier. We also had tax on the "Pop and Candy" department, but not on the Grocery department. Large Marshmallows were considered baking items and not taxed, and mini-marshmallows were considered candy and were taxed. Also, there was some difference in tax between periodicals and books that caught the Harlequin Romances, because at the time there was a date on them, but I can't remember which way it went. I thought all those problems would go away once there were scanners, though.

Sent a conglommeration of suggestions. Thanks!

Seriously, it's totally weird. And also weird that I was worried about sounding prudish. Seriously, I need to scan this thing. It's so wrong.

Free calendars turn people into jackasses. I picked one up for the officemate since he's left for the day. Had to sign it out in his name. Someone waiting in line tried to challenge me. I swear to god.

Evanston IL used to have a city ordinance that disallowed fast food restaurants. Burger King got around this by making customers bag their own food. (They'd give you your food on a tray and hand you a paper bag.)

Oh, I vote for Narrator's version (depending on her fee; there's always a fee).

Never charge a fee to the press or to someone who is being published.