Oh, I vote for Narrator's version (depending on her fee; there's always a fee).

Good one Narrator. I like all the responses but hers is spot on with the not!overt snark and simplicity. I love the 'you obviously didn't mean to do/say that' rejoinder.

The state of Utah has recently revamped the sales tax on food rules. If it's prepared food, it gets the full sales tax, but if it's not considered prepared, it gets a lower rate. How do you khow it's "prepared"? It has a utensil with it. Therefore, if you buy a salad and you pick up a fork, then you get a higher tax. If you have your own fork in your pocket, then you get the lower tax.

Why didn't they just repeal the sales tax on food? Because how else would Utah maintain its Billion (with a B) budget surplus?

Please forward to me a catalogue with a cover which is appropriate for this and your other clients’ workplaces – one which would not cause the recipients to be embarrassed to have such catalogues seen on their desks.

Please forward to me a catalogue with a cover which is appropriate for this and your other clients’ workplaces – one which would not cause your representatives to have lethal accidents involving paper clips and Post-it notes.

Therefore, if you buy a salad and you pick up a fork, then you get a higher tax. If you have your own fork in your pocket, then you get the lower tax.

When I was a cashier, NYS had the same rule, however, it didn't have to do with forks, it had to do with whether the food was made in the deli or not. Are you sure the fork thing isn't some crazed cashier. We also had tax on the "Pop and Candy" department, but not on the Grocery department. Large Marshmallows were considered baking items and not taxed, and mini-marshmallows were considered candy and were taxed. Also, there was some difference in tax between periodicals and books that caught the Harlequin Romances, because at the time there was a date on them, but I can't remember which way it went. I thought all those problems would go away once there were scanners, though.

Sent a conglommeration of suggestions. Thanks!

Seriously, it's totally weird. And also weird that I was worried about sounding prudish. Seriously, I need to scan this thing. It's so wrong.

Free calendars turn people into jackasses. I picked one up for the officemate since he's left for the day. Had to sign it out in his name. Someone waiting in line tried to challenge me. I swear to god.

Evanston IL used to have a city ordinance that disallowed fast food restaurants. Burger King got around this by making customers bag their own food. (They'd give you your food on a tray and hand you a paper bag.)

Oh, I vote for Narrator's version (depending on her fee; there's always a fee).

Never charge a fee to the press or to someone who is being published.

I forgot to mention, I had a gimlet last night. It was the classic Rose's version. Very tasty, but it reminded me of the Aviation (which Alberta first pushed on me), which I find superior. Maraschino Liqueur incidentally is not some scary maraschino cherry runoff. It's made from the cherry pits and is a very useful cocktail enabler, adding complexity to the drink. You can get it at BevMo. It's worth getting a bottle because it encourages a lot of experimentation.

Aviation Cocktail
By Rob Chirico from Field Guide to Cocktails

The Aviation Cocktail is a gin-based cocktail whose special appeal comes from the addition of maraschino liqueur. Previously headed for the endangered species list, the Aviation Cocktail seems to be having a revival thanks to the Internet. The Aviation was once regarded as the prince of cocktails, but the scarcity of maraschino liqueur nearly sent the drink into tippler’s oblivion. The name of this feisty Depression-era cocktail is supposedly linked to air travel of the time —a risky venture not for the faint of heart.

Only the most traditional or serious bars still make the Aviation. This is one drink that home-bartending aficionados are dabbling in.

Shake the Aviation hard enough that tiny flecks of ice float in the drink as soon as it is poured. Stay clear of the gooey syrup in maraschino cherry jars. It’s no substitute for the liqueur.

Ingredients
11/2 ounces gin
3/4 ounce maraschino liqueur
3/4 ounce fresh lemon juice

Instructions
Shake the gin, maraschino liqueur, and lemon juice well with ice; then strain into a cocktail glass. Garnish with either a brandied cherry, lemon twist, or a cucumber slice. (I think Alberta adds a bit of her own cucumber spa mix.)

More on the Aviation