Yay for all the organizing! I've been doing that too, finally having the time to really get into it. I'm moving from one end (the north) of my apartment to the other (the south), fixing, cleaning, moving, spiffying.
I got sidetracked on Friday by an event that has me so sad and tired, I'm not sure what if anything I should do about it.
Fela came over in the evening...after being very sweet and active and engaged in ways that seemed like he was attempting to make false my unspoken feelings about him being a good friend but a lousy boyfriend. I was really, really enjoying myself.
But Friday, he seemed really disengaged and tired. Puffy eyes, droopy demeanor. At one point, he behaved almost dangerously tired and I worried about his driving home in the rain. He vowed that he was okay and described his strategy for staying awake until he got home.
Then, HE suggested that he call me when he got home so that I would not worry. Now, I have to be clear here that I work very hard to NOT be a clinging gf. But, since he mentioned it, I was truly relieved that he would offer.
He lives 10 minutes away.
2 hours later, I started to really worry. I called him a couple of times on his cell phone until I realized that his cell phone was in my house. So, I switched to calling his landline. No answer. No email (he has cable, so not tied to the landline). No call from a stranger's phone.
Nothing.
In the middle of the night and the next day, I called DC and VA cops, hospitals and checked traffic accident reports on the net. I then called the test prep company he works for to find out if he showed up for work. No joy.
Finally, traveled across town to the building where his classes are held. I had to beg two people to let me in.
Walking down the hall, I heard his voice. A flood of relief. Then, an almost uncontrollable urge to walk outside and throw his cell phone down the sewer. Or to Scarlett my way into his class and embarrass him in front of his students. (I would never in a trillion years actually do such a thing, but in the 25 minutes I waited for his class to end, I certainly thought about it more than once.)
I was choked with anger and helplessness. How could he be so thoughtless? if it had been any other night, I would have been fine, but with the symptoms of overtiredness (which may have been melodrama, I don't know) and rain, I had more reason than usual to be watchful.
How could he NOT call me in the morning before leaving for work...even if he'd flaked out and had some uncontrollable fit of narcolepsy the night before?
Instead, he apparently did errands on the way home. Must not have been too tired, eh? And then 'forgot.'
I still don't want to talk to him...and fear I may never again.
Oh, Beej, that just plain sucks. {{{Beej}}}
Does fella have a habit of acting all Nutty Professor and just forgetting stuff or getting caught up with other things? (Not that that's an excuse, at ALL, I'm just wondering if this is sort of normal behavior for him.)
{{Beej}} That was far from thoughtful behavior on Fela's part.
That's the thing. That same evening, he called me FOUR times.
-I'm leaving the office.
-I'm going to the grocery store
-Should I go get a movie?
-I think I got a movie you've seen before.
Should I switch it?
(yes, was that answer and I was so grateful he'd thought to ask as I hated The Squid and the Whale.)
He has the habit of telling me the exact time that he left work on any given day. He calls to tell me he is 7 minutes away.
So, no, not normal behavior. In fact, in the last year, I think he's forgotten to call after saying he would exactly once.
All the more bewildering.
Thanks so much for the kind thoughts Nicole. I feel so adrift.
And -t too. Thanks. (forgive the dyslexic/tired mistype -t)
Happy Birthday, Miracleman! Much with the happies....
"They let me conquer the world. I feel much better."
Love this. I want someone to let me conquer the world now.
And hey, y'all. Guess what? I hooked up the router correctly! Go me.
You rock, Nicole!
Oh, Beej. What thoughtless and frustrating behavior. I am so sorry you went through that stress. I'e been there and it isn't fun.
Beej, do you love him? Is your life better with him as a romantic partner than it would be without?
Beej, do you love him? Is your life better with him as a romantic partner than it would be without?
The most important question of all.
I'm afraid the answer is no.
Not because there aren't loads of good things, that list is long.
But I have not learned to navigate the completely inconsistent behavior and, (ironically considering how I seem to only report the hard stuff here) inability on his part to maintain a baseline happiness.
I'm afraid that this bizarre 'forgetting' is a pendulum swing away from how great things have been for the last two weeks. Just. can't. be. happy. without stirring something up.
That's total speculation on my part, of course. I just can't explain it any other way.
What a terrible feeling, Beej. Hope it al works out, in whatever way, for the best.
What router do you have?
I think it's the same one. Or close. I think that the issue this time is actually different from all the other times I tried. New!Roomate has a router hooked up but because she runs a business has security things going on and my laptop just doesn't want to recognize it. So I get dribbles of some other wireless network and my internet goes in and out.
Hi sj!!!!
(((Beej))) I'm so sorry. This behavior is completely unacceptable. I'd be tempted not ever to see or talk to him again, not even to explain what he'd done. If he doesn't understand now, I doubt he ever does--not enough to attempt to change the behavior, anyway. I'm really sorry. And sorry too, that responsibility for the maintenance of the relationship seems to be falling all--or mainly--on you.
In other news, Yay Nicole! We hatesss those wiresess, we do!
