Unfortunately, given the unusual situation we're in (when he chose to keep the house, he chose also to keep my grandmother in it and my mother next door)

Oh gosh. I should have put a spacer between my comments. I had no idea of the complexity of your situation and was not making a direct comment about it. I couldn't possibly asess your ex's behavior as jerky or otherwise. I'm sorry for that fumbling.

I will say again though that it sounds so difficult!

Knowing that your kid could wander into the street, how does a parent EVER let their kid do ANYTHING unattended?

A) You create safe zones.

B) I never did leave Emmett unattended. Not unless he was strapped into a chair, or in a totally baby proofed area with gates up, or in his crib. Even then, I tried to not let him out of my sight for more than a minute.

The first time I had to take Emmett to the emergency room was when he broke his nose playing baseball when he was 8.

Oh Beej, no need to apologize. I didn't take it that way at all. It's just a complex and weird situation. Thanks for the kind words.

I gotta say, so far I have pretty non-life-endangering kids. Casper has never tried to stick anything in an outlet, never tried to open the safety clocks on cabinet doors (there are plenty of unlocked cabinets - she can play with pots and pans or tupperware if she feels like it). Never left the house without me standing right there (though she knows how to undo the door.) The only reason she climbs on the counter is to sneak sugar from the sugar bowl.

No doubt the Dillo will be a terror, once he can locomote.

I never did leave Emmett unattended. Not unless he was strapped into a chair, or in a totally baby proofed area with gates up, or in his crib. Even then, I tried to not let him out of my sight for more than a minute.

Does that ease up with age? I mean, I wouldn't let my 4-year-old play outside without me also being outside, but what about when they're 9 or 10?

I have to go constantly check on the dog when she's in the yard or tied up out front. Or if she's inside, but it's just too quiet.

IOW, I have no idea how people with actual children manage.

This makes me think of parents who send their kids outside to play, while they're inside cleaning/napping/screwing the pool boy/whatever.

I don't even let my dog out in the yard by himself. Seriously. If he had opposable thumbs? Grafted vine from my belly to his neck...no need for a leash!

He's never out of my sight (after that creepy guy on the street told me "You know they steal dogs like that." on my second day of having him). If I had an actual kid I think I'd trump David's inner Jason Bourne with paranoid strategy and a padded hamster ball. No lie.

eta: Ha! Thanks for the xpost. I'm not alone!

Does that ease up with age? I mean, I wouldn't let my 4-year-old play outside without me also being outside, but what about when they're 9 or 10?

Oh yeah. Like, I said I let the leash out slowly. I really don't think I was over-protective. But my notion of safe was to always keep the unlikely bad scenario over in the extremely improbable range.

For example, as Emmett got older I did not insert myself between him and the street constantly. I'd let him run ahead of me to a corner - but I'd make sure I could still outrun him and get there first if I had to. I let him feel like he had more freedom than he really did. Until such time as it was clear that he really really understood not going into the street. But I never worried about a car losing control and coming up over the curb. Which certainly happens, but that's already in the highly improbable range.

I'm also big on Don't Carry Anything Hot Heavy Or Sharp Over The Baby's Head. Because, people drop things. You spill your coffee in the kitchen and it's not big deal. You spill your hot coffee on your baby's face and that's plastic surgery.

Oh Beej, no need to apologize. I didn't take it that way at all. It's just a complex and weird situation. Thanks for the kind words.

sigh of relief

It sounds rough. But I'm guessing there are upsides too. Which makes the downsides so much more...down. Life would be so much easier if 'black and white' was actually that. Sometimes there is so much grey...

I'm trying to remember how old I was when I was allowed to just head out the back door with the dog and the entire world in front of me and my mother saying "Don't be long!" That was in rural Pennsylvania in the '60s, though, on our own land, so maybe that's the difference. Still, during middle school, everyone I know pretty much ran around loose with "Be back for dinner!" following them.