Somebody else footing the bill?

Even worse. What's up with, 'I'm going to pay for what will be one of the most significant events of YOUR life...and it better be done MY way.' Just doesn't seem loving or helpful. Some traditions just seem to hurt.

Yay for a great caterer though.

Sorry, I thought it was more a matter of money and concern for your father than being against a big family gathering in general.

It's both. Because I do like these relatives and they have been (a little) warmer and more open since Matilda's birth, I (though prolly not Hec) might have considered a bigger do if circumstances with David's dad were different -- but not a big giant Thing (the last family baptism involved a formal sit-down catered meal with waiters for 60, plus two hired clowns to entertain the 15 or so kids).

A nice relaxed Buffista-baby-shower-type open house over the course of several hours where folks could come and go and slounge and smooch the baby, yes, fine, no problem. But that's a million miles from what my dad wants to do; he'd be embarrassed by it, feel it reflected ill on him (why he would feel the actions of his pushing-40 daughter and her DH with regard to their own daughter would reflect on him in any way is beyond me anyhow, but whatev).

Which is all moot with the state of David's dad's health, but even if he were pink and glowing, the way my dad's side of the family does things is not the way either David or I want to do them. Period.

My mom didn't even go that Momzilla, but it was a close call for a while.

I've never worked a wedding (and there have been MANY), where someone doesn't go some form of 'zilla. I don't mean to be glib...of course anything that involves such a significant expenditure and so many details is bound to cause tension of some sort, but it boggles my mind how consistent the patterns are...women turning into something they aren't in real life, financiers wielding unfair power, tears, tears, tears.

The only bad thing that happened at my wedding yonks ago was that my maid of honor got lost and missed the whole shebang...that and the goofy, 80 year old witness trying to plant a big wet one on me at the end. yesh.

Sadly, it will probbably take 3 or 4 times before it sinks in. and there may be other times when you look at him and say "you know we don't do things that way" I think that is the line to practice. blech. Happily , Matt's family has left me out of things. I wouldn't mind being closer, but I never fell into any plans and schemes. I think there were some attempts , but I never responded properly. Of course, I expect people to believe me when I say no, so I tend to get confused by them asking or suggesting the same thing again.

Also, {{{{JZ & Hec}}}} Family is stressful, and I'm sorry about the paternal asshattery. If I can help in any way, please let me know.

JZ, did you recapture what you were going to say in the email? If not, I'd go short, sweet, and hard to beat, like:

Dad,

I'm sorry our plans for Matilda's baptism aren't making you happy. We understand your concerns, but we've talked a lot about it, and this is what we need to do.

We do hope you'll be there. Grandfathers are an important part of a girl's life (then say something sweet about your own grandfather).

Love,
Jacqueline

Turning a religious event into a circus seems disrespectful to me. And this is comming from someone that is not religious.

Turning a religious event into a circus seems disrespectful to me.

That service wasn't disrespectful. It was just the little kids off in an another room during the sit-down. They just had enough pull to have the priest come out and do the baptism at their house.

Anyway. It's not about the baptism. It's only about keeping up with the cousins.

Why must it all be such a huge pain in the ass? You go to church, you spritz the baby, their immortal soul is saved and you have some donuts. Bip bap bing - done.

Sorry my definition of circus is anything that takes away from the point of day. baptism is the dedication of a child to god- it isn't about the party afterward. changeing the focus so it all about granddad says circus to me. my new england puritanical roots are showing

Why must it all be such a huge pain in the ass? You go to church, you spritz the baby, their immortal soul is saved and you have some donuts. Bip bap bing - done

sounds perfect to me.

sounds perfet to me.

Mmmm, donuts and salvation. Throw in some coffee and you're set.