It has been almost 20 years since I went through the disability process with DH#2. We waited forever because he didn't want to admit to his disability. When they granted it we got a big fat check because it was retroactive to the time of his diagnosis. That was a wonderful surprise.

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Connie, process-ma to you and dh.

You know, up until, oh, a year ago, I wouldn't have viscerally understood why you know this conversion, Cindy.

It's true. I honed this ability at the I-NEED-TO-KNOW-HOW-MUCH-AMOXICILLIN-TO-GIVE-MY-FEBRILE-INFANT, YOU-ASSHAT School of Metric-to-English Conversion.

Mommy math. It's how I can eyeball four ounces.

Which is a half cup, which is 8 tablespoons, which is 24 teaspoons, which is 120 ml. Mommy math is close kin to cooking math.

(Interrupt: MY EYES!!!! I just had to see my cow-orker in his Speedos.)

How? Why? How?

Anyway, short form is that the DH comes across as being really negative and controlling and borderline asshole, and he really doesn't want to or think he is, and it's disturbing him that he can't accurately calibrate his behavior to the situation and the people. Now, in the "undiplomatic" situation, all the other Americans in the room have been stunned by the accusation, because they thought he was very diplomatic, so that could be a cultural thing. But I've seen this same pattern for the last 20 years, and I am out of ideas.

How do you get outside yourself and judge how you are coming across to people?

Poor dh. This may sound awfully simplistic, but I'm recommending the old standby: Take a breath and count to ten. One of my children got feedback from a teacher last year, that amounted to: tact comma get some.

Now, mind you, the teacher he had the year prior, just thought he was funny and sweet. His teachers this year also put him in the funny-and-sweet-if-a-bit-loud category

(Fun With Math and Patterns: so far, his even number grade teachers have been far more critical than his odd number grade teachers).

I know some of what last year's teacher said about him is true, though, and she recommended we ask him to count to ten before he says something. I've been trying to do it, myself, with him (particularly if I am saying something less than positive to him, because the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree).

It does help, when we do it. The biggest trick seems to be remembering to do it, when we most need it, which is when something's evoked a passionate response.

Wow, um, that comparison between the great apes mating patterns and human patterns seems almost like you don't believe in Intelligent Design.

Funny, only because I thought the opposite. Now I don't mean ID in the sense of the Discovery Institute stuff; I mean it in the sense that I think there's an intelligent force behind the universe.

Another factor for monogamy is the helplessness of infants. The more care they require, the more likely the father will be involved because he wants to ensure his progeny survive. There's also factors such as foraging strategies to consider and the relative cost of sperm/egg production, etc. Although, there you're getting more into differences not just between primates, but between all different kinds of animals and invertebrates.

Sail, does that age at which sexual maturation occurs come into play, at all?

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It must have been a morning for stupid things waking you up. I woke up around 12:30 cause Em's baby fell out of Em's bed. Then the Evil Ball of Malice (Switch) decided to try climbing the Christmas lights we have up. After he was shoo'd, he got in the cupboard where his cat food is, crawled in the 30 lb bag and was in Cat Heaven. I chased him out of there and put the huge thing of toilet paper in front to block the door. Then Elliot decided to chew on the plastic. @@

And then, at 6:15, my academic advisor called becuse obviously he has his head in his ass. I could kill him.

So yeah. All of that and I am bouncing like Tigger on a meth-crack cocktail. We're going to Michigan!! WOO EFFING HOO!!!

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Woo hoo -- for Christmas with the family.

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And then, at 6:15, my academic advisor called

!!!! Has he not heard of your smite ability? Might need a lesson there.

Yay for the trip!

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Well, not really. We aren't going until mid-January. But still! Joe hasn't been home in over a year. Neither great-grandmothers have seen her in over a year.

I'm so 'cited.

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we got a big fat check because it was retroactive to the time of his diagnosis

That's what we've heard. We try not to talk about how handy a few thousand dollars would be.

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I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you guys, Connie.

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Geode big enough for a large animal inside...

[link]

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How? Why? How?

Three excellent questions.

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