I think I'm going to go get my first fake tree tomorrow morning. (allergies make real an absolute impossibility). The pink sparkly tree is appealing.

Daisy, I hope, most of all, that you are having a smashing time tonight. That's what I notice most when i'm out with friends.

Aww. Thank you. I hope so too! I love this band. Southern Fried versions of the Pixies and Emenim? All over that. Plus, hanging out with old/new friends? Cherry on top.

We did wash the regular pair of jeans that fit me, which I'm wearing with a fitted denim button down, white t-shirt underneath, boots and a brown suede jacket.

Congratulations Kashlane! (I just read Beep Me to figure out what all the kudos were for) Seconding the "go you" for waiting to decide on getting married. My cousin and her son's father are doing the same, and that seems to be working out really well.

Congrats, Kalshane! (And, er, the mother is the woman I met, right? With whom we shared many stories? I liked her.)

Thread's dead, so I'm gonna emo on it.

You know how there are things you hate bitching about, because know you should be off counting your blessings re: things surrounding those things, which just makes you all the more cranky, because then you've whipped guilt into the mix?

But then they just sort of fester and grow, a big black oozing pile of ick under the skin, in serious need of emotional lancing?

The reduction of the Emergency Babysitting Forces by half as a result of Mother's cancer is one of those things.

I almost made this a Where I Am Not LJ Entry, except I'm sick of those, and anyhow, it's not about the specific location or event that I'm not at or attending. It's mostly about the frustration of occasionally needing/desiring to get out of the house, without the kidlet, for something other than work or an appointment, and the frustration of how impossible that seems to be. I mean, it was hard enough when we could suck it up and ask both sets of grandparents, but now that we're down to an Only Option*, and our Only Option is usually pretty well scheduled, I'm feeling tied down and screwed, and not in a good way.

I can count on one hand, after 19 and a half months, how many times we've gone anywhere together as Adults rather than Parents, and two of those times were birthday dinners for one person (and of the other two, one was Placebo, the other Serenity). And while I get that that's part of the gig, and that it'll get easier as the girl gets older and we feel more comfortable leaving her with anyone other than a grandparent, right now neither of those things is making me feel better.

The inner fox, on seeing that the grapes are too high up, and that the ladder's AWOL, is attempting the cold comfort of, "Well, you're feeling cranky and anti-social, anyhow, so going out to Dray's party probably would have sucked, even if you'd been able to get a sitter!" The inner fox, of course, is attempting to ignore two things: a, that I would probably be feeling less cranky, and therefore less anti-social, if I had hot and cold running childcare; and b: when moody and anti-social, hanging out with your snarky, sarcastic, and generally entertaining work buds is actually a hell of a lot easier than attempting to put on a happy face while you entertain a toddler who finds the word "no" to be utterly hilarious.

I just had to call Paul up from the basement, to his dismay, because I needed to go off and find some new rope, being at the end of mine. Ah, tag-team parenting.

And I've gone and made footnotes again. I ought to break myself of that habit.

* Other people have offered, but I don't yet feel like it's fair to them or the kidlet to take them up on it, and besides, they wouldn't be the "call in a pinch and beg" sort, so it wouldn't do any good when I suddenly remember, that, hell, the thing I was going to try to arrange sitting for a few weeks ago, but didn't, what with the cancer drama and the interviewing stress and the holidays and all, is only a day away, as happened yesterday.

Deena, I'm still having problems believing Nick is 21 now.

So am I. He had just turned 17 when I joined the board. I can't believe it's been so long. It seems like no time at all.

The reduction of the Emergency Babysitting Forces...

Ah, Plei. I'm sorry. Nick is our only emergency babysitter, and we can't leave the kids with him long enough for them to need a change of diaper. It sucks a lot. In the last two years, we've been out to see two movies, Serenity and PoTC2, and that's it. No dinners, no dates, no time. It's really brain-deadening. I'm so sorry. I don't even have all the attendant upset that you do. I can't imagine. I hope you find someone you can trust to call up in a pinch.

It sucks a lot. In the last two years, we've been out to see two movies, Serenity and PoTC2, and that's it. No dinners, no dates, no time.

Poor Deena! I hate that you're in the boat with me.

It's a sucky boat.

{{{Plei}}}

I so understand. It's rough when they're little, and you're not sure what will happen when you leave them, and you *need* to get out and Be Adults as much you *want* same, because otherwise it begins to feel as if your brain really has leaked into a puddle consisting of apple juice, the words to several Boynton books, and the faint smells of baby poop and dried milk.

Blessings should be counted, yes indeed, but I know you know full well what yours are, and it doesn't mean you can't wish for life to be a little easier. I certainly do. Right now, Stephen and I aren't going out at all -- the situation is just too weird. If it were only Ben and Jake, no big deal, but we can't leave Sara with Grandpa and definitely not BiL, but bringing a babysitter into a house with not only a fifteen-year-old boy, but grown men, is just ... bizarre.

Not that this is about me! (Oops.) But I feel your pain. Also? Just because you know it will get better doesn't mean it makes it any easier to wait.

That is a sucky boat. I'm sorry you are both in it.

I would be an emergency babysitter for either of you, if it weren't for the stupid distance thing.

I've only ever babysat once, in college, for an 11-year-old boy who only needed a grown-up in the house between when he went to bed and his folks came home. I wasn't asked back. I've never changed a diaper. I count myself blessed.

At 11 we didn't need a babysitter. Or at least my parents didn't think we did. I used to babysit a lot from the time I was 12 until 17. I was lucky to get $1.00 an hour and my last customer paid $2.00! I thought it was a pittance and yet? Adding babysitting on the top of a night out makes it a little harder to justify the expense.

{{Plei}} and {{Amy}} it is a sucky boat. I would happily let any Bitch babysit. Heck, I would be so thankful. Lee, you're a sweetheart. I'm thankful that my mom is healthy and that I don't have to live with my FiL, and I hope that those things improve for the two of you yesterday.

Pictures of Nick: [link]