We could give the kids apples, but I think that would be even worse than giving porn to poor, impressionable children.

I suppose the solution to this is to go to the grocery store on the way home from work. Candy for the children, beer for me, and should the children prove hypothetical, it's not like the candy will go to waste.

If any kids make it past my creepy 1st floor neighbors, they'll have to settle for apples from me. Unless they like the idea of being given individual strawberries or 2 1/2 year old bottles of beer.

2 1/2 year old bottles of beer

This option would certainly make sure you're remembered next year.

Note that I'm not saying for good or bad reasons.

A Buffista membership should come with one of these:

Sumo is the company that makes what they call "urban lounge gear." What does that mean in English? Well, they offer the Sumo and the Otto. The Sumo is what you might think of at first as a ginormous beanbag pillow. And by ginormous, we're talking 5.5 by 4.5 feet. Which means you can lay down/curl up on it easy.

So of course you're thinking: so what, giant beanbag, right? Big deal. Well, not exactly. First up--because it's so damn big, you can mold it into practically any shape you want. Stretch it out on the floor and crash out on it. Set it on its side and mash it into a bigass pillow throne and sit on it. Stick it up against a wall and lounge on it. You can see the various configurations you can make it into on their site.

Now, also, when you first take hold of this thing the reaction is: just how comfortable can this thing be? I mean, we're talking little foam beads in a pillow that size. It feels pretty damn firm and doesn't feel like it could be comfy at all, frankly. But when you park your butt on it--it's so sweet, you'll be lucky if you can get up off of it. It took a few days for me to get any time with it, because I had to fight people off of it to try the damn thing out. It's that comfy. And it's that comfy in pretty much any shape you stick it in. And yeah, it can ruin your productivity. Because you do get so comfy you don't want to get up.

[link]

bon. I should leave tonight at 6.

Given my rapidly approaching flu cancer, I might have to withdraw. I'll be in touch offline.

bon bon making me crack up with bizarro cancers since 2004.

Best costume at work: the woman in black, with an immense (like, 3 by 3 feet) clear plastic bag filled with green tissue paper and a label "spinach." She's E. Coli, of course.

I thought of a good one this morning.

Madonna costume that consists of a foam soda can and a crown.

"Queen of Pop".

Also, they were showing Nightmare on Elm Street (with no sound), so I got to watch Johnny Depp get eaten by his bed while wearing one of those football half-shirts that were cool 20 years ago. Bad hair, but sexy tummy.

Johnny Depp get eaten by his bed

You know, that's a phrase you just don't see very often.