A fun look at what a Jon Stewart presidency might be like.

March 2011: Buoyed by high approval ratings, Colbert resigns his post to become president of Canada, which he renames "America II: Land of Judgment." A week later, he proclaims himself king and outlaws French. Before Quebec can secede, he banishes the province by simply blacking it out on a map and never mentioning it again.

t loves

shrift, I didn't even get to congratulate you on the new job yet, so, um, happy-fourth-day-and-already-bored, or something.

Thanks, Nilly! I'm not... well, okay, I am bored, but in the job's defense, it's been very slow this week, and I'm having trouble transitioning back into "must go to bed at decent hour in order to wake up and go to work" mode. Which = sleepyboredshrift reading employee handbook to pass the time.

I'm getting paid the same amount I was making at my last job, only with significantly less work to do, and also I am encouraged to leave on time. And I'm okay with a certain amount of boredom as a trade-off.

This one was my favorite:

Stewart signs a law replacing the traditional military salute with the rubbing of both nipples. The move is strongly opposed by the Pentagon, but Donald Rumsfeld emerges from retirement to support it.

I'm getting paid the same amount I was making at my last job, only with significantly less work to do, and also I am encouraged to leave on time. And I'm okay with a certain amount of boredom as a trade-off.

This was me when I got my new job this summer. It's pretty cool, but there is the boredom. Better than the being slammed all the time though.

Terrible cook notes: boil burned-on grunge in pans with laundry detergent...

Dish detergent works, but be careful of boiling detergent as the water will bubble.

I just took a 30 minute nap on my desk.

Better than the being slammed all the time though.

Yeah. And I totally can amuse myself covertly if I need to.

Also, limited number of things I have been trained how to do on this my fourth day of employment.

As a longtime fan of the series, I kind of thought The Story So Far sucked big time. I'm glad it seems to be working on new viewers though! I actually had trouble following it, because the way they chose to recap the various plotlines didn't match the way they were told during the show.

Agree. Interesting what they think their through lines are, from hindsight.

Small house, small kitchen, living with children and then teenagers has entrenched my OCD about dishes. I was the sole dishwasher since I was nine, and we've never had an automatic dishwasher since newlywed days. Then I used it to stash dirty dishes because it was so loud and obnoxious I hated to run it, and was equally resistant to doing the dishes by hand. Keeping track of sippy cups, lids, bowls, spoons, cups, glasses left, no matter the reiteration of house rules--"in the sink, when you're done!" have left me scanning my open shelves to see that all the plates are in the stacks , all the bowls, all the glasses and mugs are rowed complete and correct.

If they're not, I go searching till I track down the missing item. If it's in use, fine. If it's manufacturing independent sentient life under a bed somewhere, it gets collected and washed.

I used to hate doing dishes. Now I hate having unwashed dishes about. And if the drainer's empty and the clean things put away, it's much easier to wash the next few things. We wash as we go and don't wait for a sinkful. The dish wand is most helpful for this, rather than hauling out a dishpan.

The biggest lesson I had to learn? Empty the friggin drainer tray. Those damned things never slant the right way, and the drainer feet always make puddles. The water stands and evaporates and gets ucky, so tip the tray and wipe it down. Yes, forty times a day if need be. Look--no mold spores! And also? Wash the damned silverware cup. Would you eat with a spoon that had been jammed down in that?

Speaking of diabetic comas, my office just had the traditional afternoon birthday cake break for me. And since the office manager knows I'm not a fan of our usual ice cream cakes, she had one of the owners of the local Italian bistro special-bake her signature dessert from years past: Sin, a chocolate truffle cheesecake topped with maraschino cherries and heavy whipped cream.

It weighs in at roughly 1,000 calories a slice, so it's just as well I skipped breakfast today. And maybe dinner as well...

Ooh. Birthday happies for Matt!