I know it's basic courtesy and I aim to be better at it.

Me too! And Robin, thanks for linking to that website. I plan to use its advice when I inevitably get stuck for what to say.

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Hangs head in shame. I have not been good about sending cards myself or making the boys do it. I call and/or email, but not so good about the written note. (thks for the linky)

Also Stephanie, no need to feel petty. It isn't petty to feel hurt. It's natural.

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I'm very bad at thank you cards. I'm trying to raise Lillian to send them, but honestly, they're utterly foreign to how I was raised. It doesn't come naturally to me to send them *at all*, and I bristle a bit at the notion that this makes me less of a civilized person.

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I like gift acknowledgment, but I'm not picky about the form -- to be honest, the last time anyone sent me a thank-you note, I ended up calling them before I got it to make sure the gift had arrived because I assumed (since I hadn't gotten an email or a phone call) that it had been lost in the mail.

My grandparents, on the other hand, will bitch about not getting a thank-you note even after being thanked in person. It's a mentality I was raised with (or at least around), and I still don't understand it.

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I know it's basic courtesy and I aim to be better at it.

I agree and also aim to improve. I was raised to send them, but I just haven't always done it when it's been up to, you know, just me. I'm better about it now, though my timing is still pretty spotty. Baby steps.

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It's a basic of good manners that every single authority on good manners accepts. But that being said, not all of us adhere to all tenets of good manners. I consder myself civilized but there are many MANY ways I fall short or ignore accepted courtesies.

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I always say thank you, always, but I don't think it has to be a mailed thank you note. Etiquette experts aside, I think communication methods have changed enough that the US mail no longer has a monopoly.

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I was raised to send thank you notes. Within a week or two after every birthday party, I'd always have to sit down and write thank you notes to everyone. Lately, I've been kind of slacking off about sending them, but I still feel like I ought to.

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Cass and Libkitty - have a fun time together! Oh, you should go to the candy store and check up on A.

We had a lovely time. I picked libkitty in Dallas, we stopped here to watch Hugh Laurie's SNL intro, headed to the Hawthorne District for some lunch, went to Multnomah Falls and the Columbia River and then to the airport. It was the special "See Portland in four hours with Cass" tour. We missed the candy store and A. I should fix that tomorrow... Mmm, candy...

for those of us of an indolent inclination.

Isn't that most of us?

I think you all have reminded me that it really is important not to blame kids for their parents' failings. Even if the girls never noticed, I would know that I had been (perhaps) petty and I'd rather not be that way.

It really is, Stephanie. The girls aren't to blame for their parents' shortcomings. And figuring out what works in families, even - or *especially* - or own, is never easy.

I know that my stepmom expects Christmas gifts for everyone no matter what is going on in your life. I just finally accepted that and will never show up empty handed, better to skip things altogether if that is how bad things are for me. But? I know. And I can work within those parameters. I don't have to like them, I just have to realize that they are there.

The realizing of familial expectations is also why I am very good at thank you notes. It was expected in my family and I just do them now. Of course, my favorite ones are the ones where a note isn't technically required because those I am doing just to thank someone for something joyous or thoughtful. I also don't really expect one for most gifts I give. I give because I want to, and I hate loading those guns. I also consider email or a call sufficient to acknowledge and voice appreciation for a gift.

Actually I'm thinking of getting my older niece (she's 8 1/2 now) cool stationery as part of her xmas present. Maybe that will be a little incentive to write!

Personalized stationary rocks. And can be had at rock bottom prices as well.

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It's a basic of good manners that every single authority on good manners accepts. But that being said, not all of us adhere to all tenets of good manners. I consder myself civilized but there are many MANY ways I fall short or ignore accepted courtesies.

I am being serious when I say that it's a custom of which I was essentially unaware until my late teens, and that it is one that goes deeply counter to my father's personal beliefs regarding what is and is not an obligation.

(I have no doubt that he was raised with it, just like he was raised to know which fork to use and how to properly pass things 'round a table. He just doen't accept any of that as valid or necessary.)

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