He's much more Flutie

"Ate him....UP?"

I talked about the money tape - and realizing that if I listen , it makes money matters worse. The more I do something, anything, the better off I am.

The lazy slob tape - It comes when my energy is low. and I don't want to do anything . and I have a huge list of things to do. So I have learned to say I am tired , I am stressed, I am cranky - and these are the reason s why. I do what has to be done because of external deadlines. then I look at the list and see if it all can slide. If it can - I give myself permission to take a day off. and I do so. When I was a kid we had occassional days - esp in the summer - where it was fans, cold drinks and bad tv. I rarely do a whole day of that anymore. and to ramp back up - I look at my list and do the things that bug me most. So I n=know I had a day off - it wasn't some pattern of lazy slobdom.

and I am going to be late to work

He's much more Flutie

Bwah!

That reminds me. When I was watching Welcome to the Hellmouth with my dad a few weeks ago, as soon as they introduced Flutie, he said, "This guy isn't gonna last, is he? He's just too nice."

My shoulds could overwhelm me if I give them too much time. So I try to subscribe to Hec's "good enough" and "show up" theory. I always wondered why my mother laid a lot of guilt on me when I was a kid and I realize it's because she was carrying so much of it herself. It was eye opening.

Interesting discussion between DH and myself today: Do I feel isolated and turn to the internet for like-minded friends or is the 'net sort of perpetuating my sense of isolation. If I find what I need here, why should I reach out more in meat space to find people to talk to? I honestly could not answer those questions.

Interesting discussion between DH and myself today: Do I feel isolated and turn to the internet for like-minded friends or is the 'net sort of perpetuating my sense of isolation. If I find what I need here, why should I reach out more in meat space to find people to talk to? I honestly could not answer those questions.

A little from column A....

I find the proportions differ depending on circumstances, mood, etc.

Hil, any chance you're sick because you at the Lebonese food last night?

The Lebanese food was possibly not the greatest idea in the world, but probably not the actual cause.

Went to the doctor. Diagnosis is either a virus or food poisoning. I'm on liquids for a day or two, and bland foods for a week or so. Also a prescription that's waiting for me at the CVS at the Watergate, which I'll probably pick up tomorrow, because right now, I just want to take a nap.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

Ok, eff school. Eff school and everything.

Turns out - I *DID* miss attendance. All effed up , no communication on their end and the end result?

I have to take the stupid class over again. Starting Monday. AND AND AND - if I don't get approved for a freaking Withdrawl Credit? I have to pull $800 OUT OF MY ASS to pay for it.

Oh, Aimee, that totally sucks. I'm so sorry!

I think I've had most of the tapes you guys are talking about, and used various techniques with varying success to turn them off or divert them. But what worked best was getting on the other side of raising kids.

Mine were teenagers when I became acquainted with the idea of "parenting your inner child," which I'm sure is a dated concept, but it worked for me.

I had accepted the parenting I was given as the norm, when it absolutely wasn't. I had to perform the task myself, from the parent's perspective, to realize the lacks and the glitches in my own upbringing. Most of the "head tapes" sprung from that, seasoned with a healthy dose of ADD and not understanding normal peer behavior as a child.

In a very real sense, I learned what my parents should have taught as I taught my own children. It turns out that while my childhood and adolescence were incomprehensible and nightmarish, my adulthood has been much better. I had a very real perspective on what my kids were thinking and feeling, and what they were going through, and hopefully because of that was able to provide better guidance.

Perspective is good, and I'm finally able to forgive myself for most of my screwups, and to get over most of my hangups. Not all, but a goodly amount.

And now, from this advanced pinnacle of learned age, my mortal body can evaporate and I can move on into the next plane...

Oh, did I say that out loud? Sorry.

{{{Aimee}}}

Remind me not to call my mother again when I want to calm down about cooking for company: "Why haven't you started the sauce yet? I thought you were making the dip last night?" Sigh.