Wait a minute. What's wrong with registering for wedding gifts and baby shower and/or new baby gifts? At least with weddings, it's a time honored tradition. Everyone I know registers. It may not have been something much done by the middle class or below until places like Target came online with it, but I know darn well all the better department stores have had gift registries for yonks ages, even as far back as when my parents got married. I even encouraged my kids to register for the baby Jina was going to have (but didn't.) It sounds like Miss Manners might not like it, but I, personally, don't believe she is the be-all-end-all of manners as relates to customs and traditions. Registering was a way for folks to get complete china sets and the like. No one expected one guest to buy a complete set of china, so it was listed by complete place settings and a guest could buy just one. Hopefully, enough people would buy just one that the couple got a complete set. The same with silverware.

I get why registering could be seen as pushing for gifts by the Miss-Mannerly, but seriously, I never know what to get even people I know really well - trying to buy for showers etc would be a nightmare without a registry. Now, if my friends registered for really expensive shit, or at like Bloomingdale's, that would suck.

Anyway, I'm over it all. I'm just gonna go and have fun and forget about it. I'm gonna try to get there early enough that I won't walk in just as the minister is doing his thing. The invite says the party is from 1-5, and the ceremony starts at 1. So if I'm a few minutes late, as is likely since I haven't been to their new house before, I'll walk in right in the middle of it. Maybe I should be like a half-hour late.

Oh, and Raq? I was totally pondering identity-theft-ing the kid. At least put her on an annoying mailing list or something.

Zenkitty, you are definitely appropriately named. I hope you have fun!

I think what I'm reading about registries (and what I was trying to get clear in my mind) is that registering a major event once is cool. Registering multiple times just for the sake of getting more goodies is mos def tacky and uncool.

IOmeN, this is the only nice day predicted for the long weekend and where am I? At work. Bleh. It probably wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't listening to a streaming blues channel on my computer. Heh.

These day, I think registries are almost essential, really, especially as it's now far more common for both halves of a couple to have had their own places prior to marriage. A registry is a good way to avoid getting flooded with toasters when the happy couple is already faced with the prospect of winnowing out duplicate appliances before a single gift arrives.

Anne, I totally agree.

I also agree that Target has made things much easier for the world, in terms of registering...there's always something someone can afford at Target...even if it's just a ladle. Come on! Everyone needs a ladle!

My brother and SIL registered for China at Marshall Fields, then did the rest of their registry at Target. It was pretty much expected that they would only give the Marshall Fields info to family.

This reminds me that I need to find out registry info for the wedding I'm attending in Chicago in September (ChiKat! Chicago Peeps! We should try to get together! Maybe that Saturday afternoon for brunch or something, before the wedding). I love these people dearly, but I haven't seen them for four years. And I've never been to their place. I want to get them something nice and useful. God bless the registry.

Although...maybe THEY should be the proud winners of the house quilt. Hmmmm...wonder if I could get it done in time. Although, it may not be the right colors...Gonna have to think on this for a bit.

Huh. Found their registry. Most of the stuff has been purchased. Guess they're gonna have to get a quilt. Poor things.

vw, if it was me, I'd be proud to have any quilt you made. I'm sure your friends will like it.

I thought that the good manners of registering for gifts was in how the knowlege of where the happy couple is registered gets passed around - i.e. guests who wish to know asking the bride's mom or bridesmaid where they are registered = cool; all guests whether they like it or not reading a line about the registry in the invite or other mailing = most uncool. It makes sense to me to have the same standards for other gift-giving occasions. If I were queen, it would be ok to register all you wanted, for whatever reason, or no reason - but if you TELL anyone other than your mom, your sister, or your best friend then your behavior will be considered gauche, and you will have to brush up on your manners. Forcibly, if need be.

If your sister or mom or someone not-you sends the invite, is it okay for them to include the registry info on it? Because until you said that, I wouldn't even have known to ask someone where the happy couple was registered if I wasn't told. (Yes, I was born in a barn.) (Actually, on the side of the road.) (Never mind.)

I'd rather the clued-in people think I was unmannerly than have the clueless feel anxious and maybe make a faux-pas that would embarrass them - as has happened to me all too often. Expectations of what's to be done are too different from place to place, and people are so easily miffed if things aren't automatically done their way.

I'm going to be late if I don't get moving. Oddly, that's not motivating me.

Hm, at the point most of my friends were getting married, most of them weren't registered anywhere. But then, my high school was on the "wrong side of the tracks" and most of my friends I don't think knew about registering. Most of them still lived at home with parents and needed absolutely everything, so it was safe to buy almost anything and it would be needed. Now, the hoity-toity folks in Maple Bluff (the one very upper income enclave that felt the burden of attending our plebian high school; as an aside, the Governor's mansion is in MB) probably did have registries at places like Gimbel's and Manchester's.

I like the fact that registering is slowly moving out of the realm of only the wealthiest to the everyman. We have enough class/ethnic/racial distinctions forced on us that it's nice to see some of the economic ones falling to the masses. Yay, masses!