...and here's Thessaly's comic book haiku!

Yay Victor!Thessaly's are good too but she knows a lot more about this than I.

An X-men comic

Is the disability experience

With a little more fighting.

ETA: I found that out,

when I was nine, and told no one

Gay folks don't own subtext.

Are any of my beta readers around later? Next chunk of Cruel Sister.

erika, you're taking mad liberties with the syllable allotment of the haiku form, babe.

But they're damned funny, too.

Deb, I'm here and more than willing to read!

Kewl! Sending. I'm just attaching the whole thing, rather than splitting out the new stuff, so I'd suggest just reading all of chapter one.

Man, not only am I not a poet, I can't fucking count. Damn. Thanks, Deb.

I need some brainstorming help. (Deb, this is the bit we were already discussing from the last chapter I sent you--I thought I'd bring it up here, too.)

I'm working on a scene in the Lucy edit where she learns that her eldest cousin, the titular head of the family, has run up huge gaming debts, and that one of the consequences is that he can no longer afford to support Lucy's many younger brothers and sisters. (Lucy's mother married really, really poorly, and if it were all up to her parents, they couldn't afford to give the children good educations or establish them in any kind of genteel profession.) Lucy, naturally, is distraught over this, and when James, our hero, learns what has happened, he proposes to her. Even though she doesn't especially like or trust him at this point in the story, she accepts, because she feels she owes it to her family. Well, that, and she's very physically attracted to him, but I digress.

What I'm stuck on is her family's reaction. In the original version, everyone but her cousin Portia, who wants James for herself, is supportive, and I decided it needed more conflict. Much more conflict. What I'm stuck on is a good reason for her Aunt Georgiana (the cousins' widowed mother) to be unhappy about the situation. Georgiana is generally kindhearted, but she's also weak and ineffectual. In the current version, I have her angry because she'd hoped that James would elope with Portia--Portia is engaged to someone else that Georgiana thinks is wrong for her, but G. doesn't quite have the balls to put her foot down and forbid the match, which she technically could do since P. is under 21.

Anyway, Deb and I don't really think the new version works--it's just too over-the-top, and too hard to believe that a woman of her time would actually be rooting for her daughter to elope. And yet, I want G. to be upset about Lucy's engagement for some reason, because I want her to be isolated from her whole family at this point in the story. Any thoughts? And do the following facts give me anything to work with?

1. Lucy is the consummate shabby-genteel poor relation--her mother was a squire's daughter but had no fortune to speak of, while her father was an ambitious man from an impoverished and common background who never actually succeeded at anything he attempted. If it weren't for G. and her late husband taking Lucy in, she'd literally be nobody. Just before the story opens, G. had offered to help Lucy find a husband so she wouldn't have to work as a governess or a companion for all her life, but she had in mind something like a curate, a junior officer in Lucy's cousin's regiment, etc. Whereas James is an extremely rich baronet and grandson of an earl on his mother's side. So Lucy is marrying well above her station, and she pulled this off without any help from G. Might G. resent seeing Lucy so exalted when she and her own children are being shamed and humbled?

2. After James proposes to Lucy, she comes back looking like someone who's been thoroughly and passionately kissed while sitting/lying on the floor in a dusty, little-used room, because that's what happened. I've already got her male cousins seeing her all disheveled and treating her as if she's a bit slutty. Could G. be a part of this as well?

Oh, and it'd help if whatever G. does isn't so terrible that Lucy will never forgive her, because I want G. to be visiting Lucy and James in the next book when Anna comes home from Spain, since she's also Anna's MiL.

I react more positively to 1) than 2), Susan, FWIW. It sounds like a very natural reaction on her part (moreso than "shoot, I was hoping my daugher would elope with him instead!")

I like reaction 1 a lot better. It's a more conflicty conflict -- something that has to do with both characters, not simply one disapproving of a specific action of the other.