Kristin, that rocks.
The stanza that becomes "behind those doors" is one of the truest things I have ever read, and it leads perfectly into "where we are all strangers, even to ourselves". Which is a kick-ass way to end it.
Loving-it applause
Lorne: Once the word spreads you beat up an innocent old man, well, the truly terrible will think twice before going toe-to-toe with our Avenging Angel. Spike: Yes. The geriatric community will be soiling their nappies when they hear you're on the case. Bravo.
'The Cautionary Tale of Numero Cinco'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Amy - Oct 19, 2004 4:29:18 pm PDT #7556 of 10001
Because books.
victor infante - Oct 19, 2004 4:30:49 pm PDT #7557 of 10001
To understand what happened at the diner, we shall use Mr. Papaya! This is upsetting because he's the friendliest of fruits.
I get the feeling it's more about getting the poets to buy the inevitable anthology than it is about talent--but I'm still happy.
What contest is it? Not all of them are as bad as all that.
Pix - Oct 19, 2004 4:31:38 pm PDT #7558 of 10001
We're all getting played with, babe. -Weird Barbie
Thanks. I'm terribly self-conscious about my poetry in a way I'm not about my prose. It's nice to get a little affirmation.
I took out the stanzas because they had in the proof they sent me, and I looked at both versions and decided I like it as one stanza instead. What do you think?
Pix - Oct 19, 2004 4:31:43 pm PDT #7559 of 10001
We're all getting played with, babe. -Weird Barbie
Polter-Cow - Oct 19, 2004 7:01:01 pm PDT #7560 of 10001
What else besides ramen can you scoop? YOU CAN SCOOP THIS WORLD FROM DARKNESS!
that first line should have a lowercase i, but quick-edit won't let me.
For future reference, you can foil the quick-edit by starting your line with a dummy tag like t /i .
And that's a nice poem, Kristin. It sets up a really cool image, not so much visual but mental and situational. It's simple and to the point.
§ ita § - Oct 19, 2004 7:07:50 pm PDT #7561 of 10001
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
Simpler way to fool it is to put a space before the lower case i starting the line.
Pix - Oct 19, 2004 7:24:09 pm PDT #7562 of 10001
We're all getting played with, babe. -Weird Barbie
fixed. thanks
Beverly - Oct 19, 2004 7:32:29 pm PDT #7563 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Kristin, that is a truthful poem, and one with power. Thanks for sharing it.
(Also? Coincidentally is misspelled.)
Pix - Oct 19, 2004 7:41:55 pm PDT #7564 of 10001
We're all getting played with, babe. -Weird Barbie
Bev, thanks. I just double-checked, though, and it looks like actually either spelling is considered correct.
Beverly - Oct 19, 2004 7:53:34 pm PDT #7565 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
Rassenfrassen outdated antiquated dictionary! Mine, I mean.