Damn. Some excellent pieces here, but I think Deb broke me. Meanwhile:
Tequila Sunrise
Cat-quiet she slides out of bed, listening to his breath hitch into a snore. One heel points at the ceiling, another sleeps under a puddle of black and burgundy fabric too shiny and sheer for daylight. He snores again. She shimmies into her dress, ponders dirty underwear for a moment and then, shrugging, tucks it into her bag. The shoes hurt her feet.
In the mirror, her face is oddly naked. Kohl smudges and the ghost of lipstick define her face, a girl he never saw. She feels both euphoric and tarnished, eager to escape.
She can't recall his name.
Oh, Fay, *what* a vignette. So nice. But which one of mine broke you?
Anne, PC, sending as part of an email. I'm writing more as you're reading; really it's just the first three or so pages.
KRISTIN! Miss you back, my lamb.
Deb, I can get back to you for sure by Friday as well, if you'd like to send. I'm missing you, too. You, and all of SF through your eyes.
Hotay - will send. Really, this is just beginning a build; I want to set the two main characters in here through someone else's POV and fuddled memory.
just need to know if the style flows and the tension builds.
Backflung to basically say, "It does."
Oh, good. Thanks, P-C; unlike human beings, these guys can't be too sympathetic (they're friggin' vampires, after all) but they're also cautious, canny, and I can't make them complete monsters, either, since eventually they're going to become potential prey for some real live human beings whose values are completely on the want-take-have level.
Yes. The want-take-have conversation.
The setup is intriguing, and I definitely want to know more. Taking what I know out of the equation, I wouldn't have a clue what was coming at this point.
Deb, so far it's very compelling, I like the sense of mystery that's been built up, and it leaves me wanting to know more about the strange couple at the bar (and about the bar itself).
Do you want more nitpicky comments, or is it still too early for such things?
AHA! I finished the prologue, I think.
Bev and Anne, toss the first bit. I'm sending the entire prologue. P-C, incoming as well. Can I get a take, please?
Stoopid Yahoo mail. I'll read as soon as it arrives.
