John, Look around www.scriptsales.com. You'll find everything you need.

One more version of my Berkeley application essay. My major issues here: some of the phrasing seems kind of awkward, but I can't figure out how to make it better. There are a few places where I use the same word (appreciate, enjoy) a few times within a paragraph, and I'd like to not do that. Contractions: do I use them? Or not? Any other comments/issues? (And don't worry, I won't be posting a million of these here. Once I've got this one down, I can just revise certain parts to use for other schools. Berkeley is my first choice school and the first application due, so I'm focusing on getting this one done well first.)

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The main reason that Berkeley is my first-choice school is the strong logic program and the option to concentrate in Foundations of Mathematics. I’ve take one course in the mathematical and logical foundations of computer science, and I plan to take a course in model checking next semester.

I participated in an REU at Cal Poly this summer, and I enjoyed having the opportunity to participate in research and writing. I have appreciated my liberal arts undergraduate education, but I found this summer that I really enjoy being able to focus all my academic energies on math.

I have been president of the Tulane branch of Women in Science since sophomore year. I’ve appreciated the support structure this organization created, and I’ve tried to arrange at least one program dealing with mathematics each year, so I would be very interested in being involved with the Noetherian Ring. I have also been a member of second- and third-place teams for the Louisiana Math Skirmish and the MAA Regional competition, and I placed in the intradepartmental Putnam competition in 2001.

I also have experience teaching. I have been a math tutor for undergraduate and high school students, I have volunteered as a math and computer teacher for elementary school programs, and I am currently working as a grader for a calculus class.

A few suggested edits:

The main reason that Berkeley is my first-choice school is the strong logic program and the option to concentrate in Foundations of Mathematics.

Berkeley is my first-choice school because of its strong logic program and the option to concentrate in Foundations of Mathematics.

I’ve take one course

I'm sure this is just a typo, but make sure it's corrected to "I've taken" before you mail the app.

I have appreciated my liberal arts undergraduate education

I value my liberal arts....

I’ve appreciated the support structure this organization created, and I’ve tried to arrange at least one program dealing with mathematics each year, so I would be very interested in being involved with the Noetherian Ring.

I’ve appreciated the support structure this organization created, and I’ve tried to arrange at least one program dealing with mathematics each year. If I am accepted at Berkeley, I plan to become involved in the Noetherian Ring.

Wrod to everything Susan said.

And another:

I participated in an REU at Cal Poly this summer, and I enjoyed having the opportunity to participate in research and writing. I have appreciated my liberal arts undergraduate education, but I found this summer that I really enjoy being able to focus all my academic energies on math.

I enjoyed researching and writing in an REU at Cal Poly this summer. While I have appreciated my liberal arts undergraduate education, my summer program showed me that I really enjoy focussing all my academic energy on math.

I'm trying to boil it down and make more direct statements....

Dear god, can focussing really have two s? That's horrible. I'm upset.

t edit

Need a life over here in the Lizard corner! Stat!

Does it help that I was similarly disconcerted? Probably not. You know I've got no life...

Does it help that I was similarly disconcerted?

But John, isn't it the colonial spelling?

Apologies in advance, but I need to whine a little.

I joined a crit group for erotica. Picked a good-sized group with a solid history of good traffic levels for the last few years. Did some crits of what was posted, got some thank yous. Traffic was consistently decent for the month and a half I was prepping to start submitting my own stuff. (I wrote this science fiction erotica novel. It just kinda happened.) So I post a little intro, this is my novel, I'm doing first paper proofs, feedback please. I start posting chapters every other day.

And the group. Goes. Dead. Silent. For a week and a half now.

....

No, I'm fine, really. Pass the booze? No, the bigger bottle.

maybe they're speechless, you're so brilliant.