AHA!

Susan, got it, and the shortened, tightened version?

MUCH better. Also the "Julius is a patronising fellow" clues come across far more clearly. That whole "run along, now" thing he tells her? I actually had to go back and see if it was in the first draft, and I was surprised that it was; it had got a bit lost in the first draft.

Whew! And yet again I am convinced that my writers' group, nice as they all are as human beings, are on crack. Because I took the first ten pages of the tightened version in tonight, and they didn't especially like them. I still think it needs another pass or two to really be there, but now I feel better about letting Marlene see it as is in a few days, since I don't want to keep her waiting much longer. If I have time, I'll give it one more go before I send it to the editor and agent from the conference, because I figure as long as I mail it by the end of the month, they'll remember that there is such a thing as the Emerald City Writers' Conference, and that they requested a bunch of partials there.

(The other big early anti-Julius clue is the way he keeps calling her "Little Lucy.")

Yup, the clues are there.

It does need another pass - I actually think the opening is a bit too abrupt, but only by about a paragraph or so of intro. The tighter version is much better. I'll down down and do some more tomorrow, in between Matty and TET bits, and whatever else the universe throws my way.

BTW, on a memememe note, crossposted in Bitches:

[link]

Oh, Deb, it's so right! The color and the contrast with the brighter color on the bottom, and the picture and the turn-the-page look of it. I think the story is going to be very happy living behind that. IIRC, you were talking about having some sort of music-sheet element in it, right?

Wowza! That's a beautiful cover, Deb. I can't wait to read Weaver. Also, congratulations on the WalMart sales.

Question: IIRC, Matty Groves is the third book in the series. What's the title of the second?

Anne, "The Famous Flower of Serving Men".

Thanks, Nilly!

Deb, that's a lovely cover. And congratulations on WalMart!

Deb, it's lovely.

Go on Oprah if it will get you the villa. Bite your lip and go on Oprah.

If you do, I'll tell everyone I know and be all " She's much dirtier in...well, not in person, exactly. But I know her. Sort of."