Poor bedresty frustrated JZ. My mother-of-twins pal had to bedrest, too, and 'twas horrible for both parents. He worked full time and commuted and had to come home and do all the chores while she lay around feeling useless. Keep in mind that once the girls were born, hindsight made this time seem restful and peaceful.

It's funny how a limitation on your activities just makes you want to leap into them all the more. When my MIL spent a few days in the hospital after a scary bleeding ulcer incident, she came home all pale and tired. She looked around the kitchen and said, "Oh dear. Now I have to get out the ladder, climb up to the high shelf, and wash all the owl plates, they're dusty." We were all like, noooooooo! You need to sit down and rest until you feel better.

I had a cousin who, after many miscarriages and with a cervix like tissue paper was consigned to bedrest. When the doctor found out she'd been having meetings (not conference calls--actual meetings with in place attendees) in her bedroom, she was sent to hospital for bedrest there. And not even allowed to get up to pee.

Moral: Behave! No orgasms for you! Bad G-spot! Bad!

It's supposed to let you try out restaurants that would otherwise be out of your price range.

Oh, that's a great idea. I wonder if they've had it here and I didn't notice. I just got a flyer from a new restaurant called Aphrodisiac which has a reputed aphrodisiac in every food on their menu. I need a boyfriend so I can go, but the flyer's not leaving me with much time.

I just got a "you've got to be fucking kidding me" email from Job Guy. He thinks my invoice is unreasonable and wants me to quote him another figure.

I'm getting fucked.

Dear Jackhole,

What I asked for is still less than the President gets, and I did more work.

Pay up or else I sick The Bitches on you.

Ta, ever so,

Cashmere

Show him a side by side comparison with someone else who contracts out to do the same thing. He'll come running back with his tail between his legs.

Was he specific? Is he bitching at your rate, or the number of hours?

Dear Job Guy,

Okay. Here's another figure, and it's twice as much as the first one. Happy now? Every time you annoy me the price goes up another 10%. Pay up NOW while you can still afford it.

Love and Kisses, the Bitches

Cash, send him back a perfectly nice email, saying that your invoice is in keeping with the salary standards of the industry and the area.

Did you ever discuss money?

Was he specific? Is he bitching at your rate, or the number of hours?

He was bitching about the rate. The rate I quoted him was what I was making doing the EXACT same thing FIVE YEARS ago.

I sent him an email saying so, and that I tried to broach the contract issues with him at our last meeting. I quoted the rate to his assistant between our first and second meeting and she said he didn't have a problem with that.

I'll cut a few hours off of it, but I asked him to give me a reasonable counter offer for me to look at. I'll take a bit of a cut since he can't use what I gave him but my time is still valuable.

Or...

Dear Asshat,

My rate as a contractor, I bill at a higher hourly rate than I would expect as an employee, because the tax issues are contracting are substantial.

My ass, kiss