Ouch. Your uncle really steered you wrong on this one. I think explaining to the landlord, in person if possible, that your uncle pressured you into it and you didn't really think it through would be a very good idea.

I will.

crosses fingers behind back

see, you're totally good at lying!

In the alternative, I would suggest prefacing this sort of thing with "I have this crazy uncle, and you know how relatives can be. He thinks that ____. I know that we have already come to an agreement, but if I don't ask, he'll be upset, and that's a problem, too. So, I'm asking, and you can say (insert appropriate answer here) now. Thanks!"

Is this the same Uncle that told you to breach the contract on your last lease? Please to not be taking advice from him any longer!

P-C, despite the Kooky French Guy buying you a cookie, your relationship with him is first and foremost a business one. It's not the same as asking a friend for a favor.

Is this the same Uncle that told you to breach the contract on your last lease?

Yes.

Says the lawyer!

See, when lawyers lie, we don't call it lying. We call it zealous representation.

be careful of reading tone in email.

This statement makes me laugh because a) we've had so many discussions about it and b) there's a few different tones you could apply to it which is in itself funny to me.

eta: oh, and thanks for the well-wishes. This interview is in person. I haven't had to wear business clothes in...maybe two years. Probably shouldn't mention that in the interview.

P-C, I have been somewhat there. One of the things I had to figure out was that I couldn't let someone else set my moral compass. So, if it made you uncomfortable, you know next time to tell your uncle, "I can't do that. It would be unethical." or however you want to word it. One thing that helped me, after being blindsided the first time, was learning a script and sticking to it.

Lying is relatively easy once you get the hang of it (don't over explain, don't blink too much, say it with a smile, change the subject quickly, stay as close to the truth as possible). I went that way a while, and made myself believe that I wasn't lying so much as using a creative way to keep other people out of my business.

Not lying is much harder and can have huge consequences to your relationship with your family. It might make you feel better, though, and it will certainly establish you as your own person. Eventually, they'll stop telling you what to do, or, if they don't, they'll accept at least that you're not going to do it their way because you don't do that and they won't hammer as hard.

Of course, I'm considered the crazy one in my family, so you can take all that with a grain of whatever herb and/or spice you choose.

P-C, I agree completely with what has been said. Sail is wise and your uncle steered you wrong. I mean, from your landlord's point of view, you questioned his ethics about double charging then asked him to not charge you.

I also agree with Vortex about learning to lie. I don't lie to be malicious, but I certainly lie to avoid issues with my family. Maybe I delude myself into thinking it makes them feel better, but I honestly think it does. They don't need to know everything. And, it's often easier to lie when you know they're wrong about something than cause a fight that just isn't worth it.

One of the things I loved about Buffy (and a lot of other shows) is that they are so good at having the characters answer vaguely, thus causing great later confusion. Of course, they have the advantage of having a script, but I've tried to become less committal in my answers. Personally, I suck at lying. Also, I have this crazy compulsion to answer the question thoroughly and completely, but that isn't always needed. Not that this applies to P-C's situation, but it has been valuable for me to learn to sometimes answer with as little as possible.

Not lying is much harder

On one hand, I completely agree with this...on the other, personal experience hand, nsm.

Due to stuff in my past, I spent a lot of my teen/20s lying like something that lies all the time. At a certain point...and thank all the powers for it...I decided I couldn't do it anymore. Didn't CHOOSE to do it anymore.

What I discovered was that I had been spending a galaxy-sized load of energy trying to:

• remember what I'd said in a lie
• remember to whom I'd told a particular lie
• make up NEW lies to cover old ones

It was literally exhausting. And the payoff was that it took a full two years before all of my lies caught up with me.

Now, out of sheer self-defense, I do everything I can to not lie. Which is odd, considering I'm working for a lawyer who routinely tells me to call soandso and tell them fillintheblanklie. I simply say no, I won't do that. I WILL tell them something else that is the truth, but I won't lie.

So far, it's worked.

Wow. This conversation is way too serious. Go and look at this picture: [link]

(And if anyone knows where I can get a high-res version of that...)