Apparently, I get bupkiss.

You get a happy wife who's basking in her husband's love, making her more radiant than usual.

Oh, and the admiration of the Bitches for being a good hubby.

They really don't hurt at all, actually.

Wow. They looked incredibly painful. When mauling, my cats have to inflict the pain as well as the bruising.

You know you've used the right amount of cat relaxant when they come by later and meow "Do it again! Do it again!"

Okay. JZ's wearing her super stylish, much-coveted new birthday hat. I fed her the meal of her choice (linguini in clam sauce) and she got a birthday carrot cake with candle.

Apparently, I get bupkiss.

My initial scan of your post read linguini as lingerie, which made your final statement not make sense.

You get a happy wife who's basking in her husband's love, making her more radiant than usual.

Yes, but none of those things are made of cake.

She's not happy. She's fretful and guilty because she didn't get me anything.

There is plenty of time to procure cake, just for the record.

She's fretful and guilty because she didn't get me anything.

She shouldn't be. Birthdays are best when the gift-giving and festivities are spread out over time, and not all crammed into one day.

Birthdays are best when the gift-giving and festivities are spread out over time, and not all crammed into one day.

Oh, I'm totally down with the extended birthday trick. I didn't say I was disappointed. She's making her own fret.

She's making her own fret.

JZ! Stop that that right now! You're making a whole other person, isn't that enough to keep you busy?

She's making her own fret.

JZ! Stop that that right now! You're making a whole other person, isn't that enough to keep you busy?

Listen to the Fairy Gothmother. Besides, homemade fret does not go well at all with clams and carrot cake.

homemade fret does not go well at all with clams and carrot cake.

NATLBSB