Ok, Vortex and I? Same page.

Years ago I knew this actress (don’t try to figure it out, she was never on any of my shows) who purchased, er, adopted twin babies from an Eastern European country. This actress was known amongst my circle to be a particular narcissist. She seemed to approach the acquisition of these tiny human beings as she would any pricey and exclusive boutique accessory. She even considered “returning” the one she deemed the least aesthetically pleasing. Whenever showing off her new items, she always fawned and cooed over what she termed “the cute one” and would mention the other as a disappointing afterthought.

My friends -- awful writer people -- imagined a “Sophie’s Choice” scenario for her. She’s carrying the two infants and some bags onto a train. She’s told by the conductor, “You must make a choice. You may take only one.” Without hesitating, the actress thrusts the less-cute child forward, “take the ugly one.”

The conductor blinks says, “I meant you can only take one piece of carry-on luggage.”

The actress looks to her designer carry-on bags. Considers it.

Then, still holding the wriggling infant aloft says, “take the ugly one anyway.”

Heh. I like the awful writer types.

Damn, that'd make a pretty good SNL skit if Angelina Jolie were hosting.

Tim, that's incredibly wrong and yet still funny.

Twins seem to bring up this urge to experiment in a nature vs. nurture sort of way. Friends of ours have identical twins who are about 7, I think. One day within earshot of both of them, C, the father said, "They're our own little science experiment. We're giving all of our love to one of them but not the other." In their identical twin voices, they each said, "I'm the one you love, right?"

I was picturing that as a Berkeley Breathed children's book.

Damn, that'd make a pretty good SNL skit if Angelina Jolie were hosting.

Quoted for truth.

I am so excited to be an auntie and spoil them rotten every time your back is turned.

I'm counting on you to do that.

I have this fantasy that Kat and Lori run into self-involved actress and take those two kids, too. Kat uses her knitting needles to make a point and Lori sets up the Mars arm thing to keep SAG member pinned while the two kids are rescued.

We have been known to say loudly in front of ours, "Do we really need TWO children?" Then they start bargaining over which one goes. Lately my son points out that our daughter is already written out of the will, and besides she's going to need college money soon.