A satin bag of fire doesn't work.

BWAH!

Yeah, I was unhappy with the heat-hot/fire things, too. That was I was so desperate for feedback -- I wanted to see what was, er, hot, and what was too eyerollingly over the top.

It's HARD to write an effective erotic scene. I felt steam rising off my head, and not in a good way. And the things you mentioned as effective were things I retooled.

I'm trying to work both physical attraction and some kind of psychic connection into the same scene, and that's were I'm coming up with the disconnect. Ugh.

Thanks for the feedback. I was making myself crazy looking at it and thinking WTF does it NEED?!

It's HARD to write an effective erotic scene.

No lie. I tend to go the other way and it can get a bit too lean and not juicy enough. That's where I try to let the rhythm do some of the work, because that's where I'm comfortable in my writing.

I'm trying to work both physical attraction and some kind of psychic connection into the same scene, and that's were I'm coming up with the disconnect. Ugh.

Try to find a metaphor that's going to contain both those elements. The physical and the psychic/emotional and then work that. Stick to that conceit and work it through. Maybe go back to the kiln imagery. The shaping, the taking form, furnace blast, the glow, the roar of it, the danger. If you evoke all that, then they're going to feel heat without you having to stick a thermometer up Cillian's ass. Something like that. Think of John Donne or that scene in The Big Sleep where Bogie and Bacall are talking about horse racing except the whole time they're talking about sex.

Just an option.

I'm a-gonna write it all using flea-as-sex metaphors! Wait...

Now I'm trying to think of good metphors or conconceits for sex, or at least kissing.

There's hi, hello kisses, fuck-off kisses, I-hate-you-let's-fuck kisses, long slow kisses that taste like spring kisses, frantic drunk sex-in-an-bathroom kisses, apology kisses, you-are-amazing kisses...

Careful kisses, careless kisses, caring kisses. Wrestling matches in the mouth. Tougnastics. Wine-tasting kisses. Apples-in-fall kisses. Tequila at midnight kisses.

Hrm. Now I want a drink.

I'm a-gonna write it all using flea-as-sex metaphors! Wait...

Fleas suck blood. Vampires suck blood. ijs

Now I want a drink.

Or a kiss. "He stepped toward her, as intent as a glass-blower facing his kiln, and his lips were JUST AS HOT!" Or, you know, maybe not.

"They call him Hot Lips Houlihan!"

Wait, that's been done, too.

Sex as flesh-eating bacteria? No, wait, flesh-eating zombie sex!

Oh, god.

No, wait, flesh-eating zombie sex!

That's perfect! if you want to give miracleman a hard-on

Mwah! Don't stay up all night on this, Erin. It's easier to edit in the morning.

There's hi, hello kisses, fuck-off kisses, I-hate-you-let's-fuck kisses, long slow kisses that taste like spring kisses, frantic drunk sex-in-an-bathroom kisses, apology kisses, you-are-amazing kisses... Careful kisses, careless kisses, caring kisses. Wrestling matches in the mouth. Tougnastics. Wine-tasting kisses. Apples-in-fall kisses. Tequila at midnight kisses.

Man, I miss feeling motivated to write porn.

Though, looking at what happens when I am motivated to write porn, well...

t re-reads that one piece of entirely wrong, clicks the back button posty-hasty

Right. Well.

Perhaps the lack of motivation is really for the best.

Looking like San Francisco. Or, well, Oakland. I think. I guess. Unless something happens.

Yay! I'm going to have to move to the West Coast (of USA or Canada) in a few years, aren't I? 'Cause by that time, ALL of y'all will live there.

Erinporn! It's like being in the Spike's Bitch thread back in the day, before there was a seperate thread for workshopping porn fic, original or fannish.

::loves y'all::

Any late-night USistas or un-Americans awake out there? I need to dance wildly around with someone.

Know why?

DONE WITH MY GRADING FOR THE YEAR!

ETA: And oh YES Fay, you must move to our coast. It needs your glittery goodness!