My thinking last year was that there should be something special and individual in our relationship for me to go there. So I didn't do anything and ended up hurting their feelings.

Stepmom has never acted in a way to mentor or support me, or indeed to take any particular interest in me. We enjoy pleasant interactions, but it's not like she calls me and wants to do lunch or find out what I’ve been up to. We only see each other when there’s a family thing going on. This all seems OK to me because I was over 40 when we met. We formed a friendly relationship based on both of us loving my dad, and Mom-ness never entered into the equation, as far as I can tell.

MIL, OTOH, does things like take me shopping, ask me to schedule special girl time to hang out, sneak me a $20, calls me the daughter she never had. Doing a Thing for her on Mother’s Day seems obvious and natural to me. Besides, DH definitely owes her recognition, and since I’m in charge of human interaction for Chez Bee, we do stuff for her.

Biological mom has been off the mortal sphere since 1977 and doesn’t enter into these calculations at all.

Hec, DealMac has this listing about a Canon PowerShot. I've heard decent things about them.

• *Canon PowerShot A520 4MP 4x Zoom Digital Camera for $143 shipped (updated)**

The Canon PowerShot A520 4-Megapixel Digital Camera costs $199 at Dell Home. Coupon code "XJKL5MJ?SW7NS2" slices it to $163.18. With free shipping, it's the lowest total price we've seen for this camera in about six weeks, although it was $13 less then. The A520 features 4x optical zoom, 1.8" LCD, 16MB MultiMedia Card, PictBridge capability, and USB connectivity. Sales tax is added where applicable. Coupon ends May 3 at 7 am ET or after 400 uses. Update: Better yet, coupon code "BLKSK2?5HVT$D0" cuts another $20 off at Dell, a net price of $143.18. It's the lowest we've ever seen for this camera.

[link]

Since you know she was hurt last year (fairly or not) and since you both love your dad, if I were you (and I'm not) I would remember her on Mother's Day, with a little something. I don't think you ought to make a fuss, because first of all, you don't seem inclined to, and a fuss that's all-show is worth nothing; secondly, because your relationship doesn't seem fuss-worthy. Personally though, I would remember her, a little, somehow.

What Cindy said.

eta: I make a bit of a fuss over Father's Day for my mother's husband because I am crazy about him and he is wonderful to all of us. If that were not the case I would do something minor for him to make Mom happy.

I just wanted to check the hivemind's thinking on the issue because of the way it never even occurred to me last year that I should honor stepmom for mother's day.

I will probably end up cooking dinner and having everyone over, giving cards, and taking care of everyone all at the same time.

It all seems so transparently obvious when Cindy says it. Thanks!

grump grump grump

Okay, I'm asking for hairpats and soothing "there there" noises, please. I am irrationally cranky and down right now. I nearly started crying on the phone to Pete when I was trying to explain this. There is no reason for me to feel this way whatsoever, and I don't like it. Please to be distracting the goth.

If she were a step-monster, I'd tell you to do nothing--that you'd been manipulated. There are things I do for say, my in-laws, that I am not moved to do (more because of the things, than the in-laws, with whom I'm close).

Sometimes I feel like learning about their displeasure (like say over not attending one of the umpteen Xmas parties) is a little manipulative, and I'm tempted not to, but then I remember they're not manipulative people, so really, I'm just hearing about it (usually from someone else, not them) when they're disappointed. And I remember I do love them, and I love my husband who adores them, and they love my children who return the feeling.

there there, Jilli.

Not really soothing, but look, a new toy for Clovis! [link] (ita linked to that elsewhere a few weeks ago, so it's her fault)

eta: OMG! The customer action shot is either new or went unnoticed last time I looked. LOVE.

Jilli, sometimes we get upset. It doesn't have to mean anything. And it will go away.

t pats the not-currently-so-perky goth

t gives her bat-shaped-chocolate-chip cookies

t pets Jilli and calls her George

I shall bring sparklers next time I see you!

Don't tell Pete or Drew.