That's only because "get away driver" doesn't fit in well with the rest of my resume.

Now, why would a bunch of crony-sucking Repug thugs suddenly rush forward to embrace a known liberal satirist? BECAUSE THEY DON’T REALIZE HE’S A LIBERAL!

Looking at the actual email, I don't see where they're getting any of that. It says the dude "crashed & burned on Comedy Central's The Colbert Report" and that he admitted that he made the movie to keep Republicans from winning Congressional seats. If that's an accurate summary, I'm not sure it's all that scandalous, but that's a different issue. The headline says "Colbert Cracks the Story..." blah blah, but dude. It's a headline. That's the only time he's mentioned. Does that really qualify as a salute, or a rush forward to embrace Colbert?

Wow. That's quite some website. I feel painfully stupid for not being certain whether it's real or just funning, but this is simply beautiful:

FIGURE SKATING RUINED MY LIFE

If the "Lifetime" network made a movie about me it would be called, "Because My Sister Had Skates...The Larry Pamper Story." See, growing up everything in our house centered around my sister "Fran's" figure skating. I always tried to be an athlete to impress my father but he never seemed to pay attention as he was too busy shuttling "Fran" and her figure skating girlfriends around. I remember very well how he couldn't help me practice for 8th grade baseball try outs because he was too busy helping "Fran" build a routine around that song "Manic Monday." I can still see her prancing around the living room singing.."Because that's fun day, my I don't have to run day" with my father encouraging her! It was around this time that I began to run with the wrong crowd and eventually turn to a life of crime. Figure skating can ruin lives. Please ban figure skating.

Who started the Iranian badge story?

Football is rather the major religion apparently, so this seems to be an odd offering to the gods, I think.

My brother, at a tailgate party at some major game (he was there for the beer and getting paid to watch the setup so no one would run off with the hugeass flatscreen) asked who this Bear Bryant* person was they kept talking about. Dead silence. They were shocked, just shocked and what rock did he crawl out from under! My brother doesn't follow football. Hell, no one in my family does.

* I didn't know until he relayed this story either. One of the football gods.

In an extraordinary move, NBC has completely revamped the fall schedule it announced only last week after seeing what its broadcast rivals had done.

NBC moved "Law & Order" to Friday nights, took "Medium" off the schedule until midseason and shifted its highly touted Aaron Sorkin show on the backstage world of a TV comedy from Thursday to Monday.

Poor NBC. That amuses me. As does this, from that ban figure skating site.

In the former Soviet Union's former Russia -- which is now the present Russia, propaganda and mind control were as common as snow in Siberia -- which is still called Siberia.

Topic!Cindy -- I sent a text message on my telephone for the first time today. I knew you'd be proud (once you stopped laughing). Still not getting that Live Journal thingy though.

This meeting keeps using "flowing" in ways God never intended. But it's the "how does that foot back to the original document?" that keeps weirding me out. Is that a new meaning of the word "foot" or an old one I'd never noticed?

Narrator, I have never sent a text message on my cell phone (it might not even have the capability). I am *SO* proud of you.

(LiveJournal's much easier. Even Strega has a LiveJournal, for cry yi yi.)

(No Strega, I have not idea why I said that. Blame Narrator.)