I just felt I was in a no-win situation there. I wasn't gunning for a debate but if I responded as if I were in a debate, I ran the risk of seeming like I was attacking others. And if I didn't respond, then I feel like it's just assumed my statement is completely unfounded.

I think debate would feel fairly comfortable to me (I am the daughter of an attorney so the house was full of it...so to speak) if I were more sure of my place here. I still feel a bit on the outside looking in.

Anyway, I'll just reiterate that it's damned near never my intention to needle or offend folks so I apologize if that's the effect my posts had.

Don't ask me, I just copy-paste.

Googling shows lots of hits for the double ell. I was just wondering if that was something someone coined and then took off without a etymologist's blessing.

Seemed less than friendly to me.

It was not unfriendly in intent--it's exactly how I argue semantics, and lord knows, that's not something unfriendly. It's more like breathing.

I have no idea how Spidra felt about it.

It's all about how Spidra feels about it.

which stuck me as odd because Spidra's thinking the sandwich was more style than substance isn't what seemed on the rude side to me.

Again, it's Spidra's call. It's possible she's reading this differently from you.

I understand you don't like it when I argue with you, and try and remind myself not to. But I do want to defend myself here.

From the outside of that conversation, none of it seemed unpleasant to me. It is not news that ita likes to push back on what she sees as unsupported statements of fact. It doesn't make it a fight, or debate team, or whatever.

If nothing else, it makes for more interesting conversation than "I like X, what do you like?" "I like X too! Also Y." "Ooh, I hate Y!" Not that I'm not perfectly willing to enagage in that kind of thing. But I do find it much more interesting when it's "Why do you think that? Say more about that." On whatever topic.

Serial so it doesn't get lost:

it's damned near never my intention to needle or offend folks so I apologize if that's the effect my posts had.

Debate doesn't needle or offend me. If it does bother you, I'll try and remember (see above) that you don't like further inquiry or direct disagreement with your posts that make you feel you need to go on the defensive or change my mind.

Honestly, you don't. No one ever does. But I really really do like the architecture of opinions, and peeling back and poking to see what supports them. It's like crack dipped in chocolate to me, and I have entire friendships which seem based primarily on assertion-challenge-defense exchanges. No animosity at all.

Friendship nor even civility for me is based on agreement. I like unravelling points of view. It'd be dry if I couldn't do that with friends.

Well, some of it is. I am fussy, though I've gotten somewhat better as I got older. I discovered I can eat raw spinach, although my tolerance for it is pretty low. Cooked spinach is another bad smell, plus a disgusting texture, bleh. But I quite like cooked spinach as an ingredient in some dishes. Much to my surprise.

Woo-hoo! Come on over to the holistic foods side. We eat some incredible quesadillas over here!

^

Thanks, ita. It's good for me to know where you're coming from. It's not that I never feel like debating or discussing issues with people. I think it's that I'm still unsure enough of my place here to be able to do so confident that friendship and/or civility will survive.

I think it's that I'm still unsure enough of my place here to be able to do so confident that friendship and/or civility will survive.

No problem, Spidra. There's conflict and then there's Conflict, you know? Sandwiches don't really get into capital C conflict until they're made of babies, and even then, baby toe eatage does have its Buffista precedence.

Dammit. I have a meeting in 15 minutes that I'm too migraine-hungover to think about clearly. And I'm running it.

toe eatage does have its Buffista precedence.

Particularly if eaten with ale.

I put 2 books on hold at the library last week. I picked up one last night, I was informed that the other one is at a branch AN HOUR FROM MY HOUSE! Why? no idea. Can they move it to my branch? nope. URGH!

I am gonna leave soon and venture out to get it, but good lord.