This is so not funny, and if you make a connection to Snakes on a Plane and laugh then you are a terrible terrible person. Also, I am not projecting.

Man Crashes Car After Snake Attacks Him

March 30,2006 | NAPLES, Fla. -- A man crashed his car after a pet snake he had wrapped around his neck began attacking him, authorities said.

Witnesses reported that Courtland Page Johnson, 30, of East Naples, was driving erratically and crashed his PT Cruiser into several barricades about 9 p.m. Tuesday. He got out of his car, wrestled with the snake and then drove off, reports said.

When authorities caught up with Johnson at his home, he told them he crashed into another car that had stopped short in front of him. After questioning, Johnson admitted he panicked when his snake bit him.

He had cuts and freshly dried blood on his body, but did not need medical attention, reports said.

Johnson was charged with leaving the scene of a crash.

Hey, nobody got hurt. It's HYSTERICAL.

I'm still going with the "avoid being killed, by any means necessary" thesis.

My dad got kicked out of catechism class. I think it was lutheran, not sure. In any case, he got into a theological arguement with the priest and got booted. Sorta foreshadowed the rest of his life.

The really funny part? Grandparents were areligious. They never went to church. Ever. Hell, their parent only married because shacking up was frowned upon in the Americas. They just made their kids go. Alone. It was just a culturally necessary thing to do. Dad totally got them blackballed, which cracks me up.

I really wonder if half of my great-gparents (the other half were peasant farmers, legal marriage not a big thing- but those outside the parens were townies) were freaky turn of the century sex-revolutionaries (there are hints of g-grandma being bent out about not having multiple lovers. Sheesh!)

I had a snake get loose in my car once. It didn't wrap itself around my neck and bite me, for which I am now thankful. It did slither into my cat's cage and freak her right the hell out, though.

Snake in a Cat Carrier probably wouldn't gross much. Though if SLJ was on board, who knows?

Glad it worked, Sophia.

Snake in a Cat Carrier probably wouldn't gross much.

I dunno, I've watched the kittenfu-gets-clobbered video online multiple times. It's my pick me up.

Snake in a Cat Carrier probably wouldn't gross much.

Have you seen the preview to Snakes on a Plane ? At one point there's a cat in a cat carrier. They don't show exactly what happened, but it couldn't have been good. The scene did, howerver, inspire some fanfic - from the cat's point of view....

eta:

When I saw the creature, I was to the point of desperation where anyone would have sufficed. Anyone. And that was my downfall. My fatal weakness. I thought I could trust him. His voice was so smooth. So calming. So tender, even. He offered me a way out, said he knew a way to leave my confinement and be free once again! Freedom! The word was like catnip to my senses, like buttery cream to my tongue. Oh, how I craved freedom from my cage. He told me that he would show me the way out, but that first I had to let him in. Oh, that forked tongue, how it lied!

I think I may have to go watch that again now.

When I was flying this weekend (snake-free), I was speculating on how long before someone snuck a snake onboard and released it mid-flight.

Ah man, someone loosed a snake on the plane and I'd be all over that, saving my snakefearing passengers. I am fascinated by snakes.

My friend who move back in January (how depressing I have now to designate which!) had gotten two baby something snakes. I don't find them engaging the way I do, say, cats, but I don't mind harboring them as they seek warm. They are pretty and strange and not scary. Which is to say, we fished them out of my cleavage when I left.

My sister has a great animals-on-a-plane story, only hers is Turtles on a Plane.

Well, one turtle.

She was the first one (other than the guy who smuggled it on board) who saw it--it was motoring down the right side of the plane, and she saw it booking past her at what she originally thought was a rat's pace, and then when she realized it was a turtle, she was shocked at how fast it was going. It took her a few minutes to flag down the attendant, and then a few more minutes before said attendant caught up with the thing and picked it up. Just after that, the announcement came over the intercom, "Has anyone here lost a turtle?" A rather sheepish 30-something guy came forth to reclaim it, by this time safely ensconced in an extra cardboard box they pulled out of the galley.

Technically, Turtle On A Plane to be ultra-pedantic.

Just the thought makes me grin like a loon.

Hec, I'm sorry as anything that it played out. May this be the beginning of the start of another and great phase of your life, though!