YOU ARE SO JEALOUS

Of BOTH of you. Uh-huh.

Your question assumes that there is a god. Me? I think god = the great and powerful oz, and some philosopher was horrified at the screams and gurgles of people bleeding out on alters. So he got behind a curtain and set a bush on fire. The stories, at their base sense, are social lubricant meant to stop people from committing unspeakable acts in the name of an imaginary friend in the sky who eats babies.

This is perfectly put and pretty much what I believe. Only it doesn't sound nearly as funny how I put it.

David, I'm really sorry it happened, and am still so glad it's over for you.

Sophia, it looks to me like the letters are making Excel unable to parse your list as numbers, whatever you tell it to do. I don't know of a workaround except to relabel as pure numbers (make 10b into 10.2, something like that).

Look, Judaism, Christianity, and Islam all say that God was just and good in doing this, because God is just and good by definition. They all say that Abraham was just and good in following God's wishes, because the just and good acts are always found in God's wishes.

I'm not sure this is true. I have heard, for example, the argument that the God of the New Testament is a more evolved God than he was in the Old Testament, so maybe not all the acts of God (or those taken in God's name) of the O.T. were good. I'm not sure what Hersch's interpretation of the incident is, but I'm willing to bet it's more subtle than "obedience to God's will is by definition good".

we have the tool sharpener guy banging his bell with a real hammer to tell people he's around to give your knives, lawn mower blades, and saws a tweak.

Dang, I wish we had one of these. Trying to find a good and convenient place to get our knives sharpened is still a work in progress.

Thanks -t. I actually can't because they are scene names, and the director would be upset. I think there was something wrong in my actor name field, because by changing that I got it to work!

This is so not funny, and if you make a connection to Snakes on a Plane and laugh then you are a terrible terrible person. Also, I am not projecting.

Man Crashes Car After Snake Attacks Him

March 30,2006 | NAPLES, Fla. -- A man crashed his car after a pet snake he had wrapped around his neck began attacking him, authorities said.

Witnesses reported that Courtland Page Johnson, 30, of East Naples, was driving erratically and crashed his PT Cruiser into several barricades about 9 p.m. Tuesday. He got out of his car, wrestled with the snake and then drove off, reports said.

When authorities caught up with Johnson at his home, he told them he crashed into another car that had stopped short in front of him. After questioning, Johnson admitted he panicked when his snake bit him.

He had cuts and freshly dried blood on his body, but did not need medical attention, reports said.

Johnson was charged with leaving the scene of a crash.

Hey, nobody got hurt. It's HYSTERICAL.

I'm still going with the "avoid being killed, by any means necessary" thesis.

My dad got kicked out of catechism class. I think it was lutheran, not sure. In any case, he got into a theological arguement with the priest and got booted. Sorta foreshadowed the rest of his life.

The really funny part? Grandparents were areligious. They never went to church. Ever. Hell, their parent only married because shacking up was frowned upon in the Americas. They just made their kids go. Alone. It was just a culturally necessary thing to do. Dad totally got them blackballed, which cracks me up.

I really wonder if half of my great-gparents (the other half were peasant farmers, legal marriage not a big thing- but those outside the parens were townies) were freaky turn of the century sex-revolutionaries (there are hints of g-grandma being bent out about not having multiple lovers. Sheesh!)

I had a snake get loose in my car once. It didn't wrap itself around my neck and bite me, for which I am now thankful. It did slither into my cat's cage and freak her right the hell out, though.

Snake in a Cat Carrier probably wouldn't gross much. Though if SLJ was on board, who knows?

Glad it worked, Sophia.

Snake in a Cat Carrier probably wouldn't gross much.

I dunno, I've watched the kittenfu-gets-clobbered video online multiple times. It's my pick me up.