Wow. billytea's ex-in-laws are way worse than the crazy roommate who stopped speaking to me because his friends told him I was telling them stories about him that were "character assassination." Granted, I *did* tell them stories about how anal he was about where the paper towels had to go, and the ugly painting he insisted go over the fireplace, etc. -- but not "character assassination."

Did I say the roommate stopped speaking to me? He did, in the sense of literally not vocalizing, but he still communicated in other ways. Like, we had alphabet magnets on the fridge, and every morning I'd get up and shuffle out to the kitchen for breakfast and find a message cleverly hidden among the jumble of letters, as if the random arrangement just happened to, that day, contain letters in this order: S-T-E-P-H-C-U-N-T.

I'd have to leave notes for him informing him that the phone bill (or whatever) was due, and I needed his half. He'd leave me notes back saying "Well, I *need* a roommate who isn't a backstabbing bitch, but I'm not going to get that, so don't hold your breath waiting for me to pay the phone bill!"

He'd come home at 3 a.m. and blast the stereo, and yell outside my bedroom door. And then his boyfriend told me that if Roommate and I ever had an argument, that I should be sure to stay outside of arm's length, because Roommate is physically violent. (Which wasn't an exaggeration; Roommate apparently -- long after I lived with him -- put his boyfriend in the hospital with broken ribs.)

The possibility of physical violence made me decide to move out unannounced, and break our lease with the rental company. Because both of our names were on the lease, we both had to pay a lease-breaking fee. Obviously this wasn't something we had worked out together, as he was communicating only through alphabet magnets. I showed the nasty phone-bill note and other similar communications to the rental manager, and the best they could do was allow me to pay half of the lease-breaking fee by myself, and they'd go after Roommate on their own.

Roommate wasn't too happy with me moving out, and let me know it. There were the voicemails he left me at work, where he promised to -- and I quote -- "make my life a living hell." (Though it's not too smart to leave voice mails at your stalkee's place of business.)

Did I say "stalkee"? Right. He also sent me e-mails (many from his work e-mail, which is, again, not too bright) where he detailed how he wouldn't leave me alone until I paid him his half of the lease-breaking fee. He'd join my gym, he said, and show up there every time I was there. He'd find out where I was living, he said, and sit outside in his car. Etc., etc.

It was -- and I'm not exaggerating -- the worst time in my life. He had been one of my best friends before the Big Freakout.

Was your landlady twelve?

"Do you like me Yes or No? (check one)"

______Yes
______ No

Did you keep the lighter, Sean?

I thought about it, but it would have meant turning around and walking back toward him instead of ignoring him, which he may have taken as a sign of aggression. I decided to purchase a lighter somewhere else.

Wow. billytea's ex-in-laws are way worse than the crazy roommate who stopped speaking to me because his friends told him I was telling them stories about him that were "character assassination."

Y'know, I'm not so sure I win that crap-off. (Now there's a very different Karate Kid.) That guy is not right in the head.

Sean's story reminds me of the time my GF and I were walking in our neighborhood. We were about to walk across a driveway at a gas station but a truck was coming so we stopped. The truck then stopped for us to cross. We crossed. The driver then yelled out, "YOU'RE WELCOME!" GF responded, "Well, it is CA law to stop for pedestrians." Dude lost it. Flipped the fuck out. Starts following us down the street (him in truck, us on foot on sidewalk) and yelling stuff like, "LOSE WEIGHT, FATTY!" and "GET A BOOB JOB!" I'm trying to ignore and telling GF not to respond. We stop at a light to cross and the Idiot is still screaming all kinds of offensive shit. Finally I scream out, "SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Then the light turned and the guy finally drove off. GF still likes to quote me on that one. Moral: There are crazy fuckers in the world.

Teppy's roomate needed a visit from Matty the Mechanic.

What makes your average dressed to kill, Saab-driving transvestite rob a gas station?

We had a strange one like this in my little university town last week. The story starts five years ago, when the local newspaper gave a 16 year old girl a weekly "Fresh Voices" column. For five years she wrote intelligent, insightful, touching columns about being a teenager, and later, a college student. It was very impressive work.

Last week she walked into a local bank and robbed it. She escaped before the police arrived. The security camera caught her face and, despite her attemps to disguise herself, everyone in town recognized her, because her picture had been published next to her column for years. It's very confusing to everyone.

Hi there everybody. Been busy, been out of town, nice to be back.

Okay, here's my story: Like msbelle, he cheated on me. With my close friend and next door neighbor. I wanted vengeance for a while, but even in my deepest hatred for him, I couldn't characterize him as evil. He was just weak-willed and cowardly.

I suppose there are the myriad bad drivers in Los Angeles who do things like almost hit me when I have the right of way, then turn and give me dirty looks, shouty faces, and/or the finger like it was my fault they suck.

Any and all of those people can have vengeance wreaked upon them, as far as I'm concerned.

ETA Those don't make for good "hit him in the package with a hammer" stories, though. I shall ponder more. Surely someone who has crossed me deserves vengeance...

Like the guy who sped up and swerved to try and hit DH and Owen who were crossing a crosswalk and then physically attacked him last year. Fucking assholes deserve severe vengence.