??

Emily, if you ever have to do a lesson on mean free path (more physics than math, per se) borrow someone's audibly flatulent dog and park him in the back of the classroom.

We were rather amazed at how close to reality theoretical mfp proved to be. It really worked!

Of course, for the rest of the term, everytime Dookie farted, we'd all groan and start counting down till the odor would hit us.

First I was going to say,

Boy, do I hate the Green Lantern.

Oh, god, that rant made me laugh and laugh.

And then I, too, got distracted by,

husband

?

I'm guessing that's a callback to wanting a root and a husband. But I'm on tenterhooks to find out if I'm wrong.

Oh, guys, just a callback!

When would I have time to elope??!

I'm guessing that's a callback to wanting a root and a husband.

My guess as well, though it is fun to speculate and generate lurid gossip while bon is off gnawing on her root.

Wait, that just sounds wrong.

When would I have time to elope??!

Between roots.

Dude, you work downtown! City Hall is very close.

::cancels order for Mrs. bon Bob, Esq. stationery::

WAIT!

root?

AND

a callback?

NO ONE WILL EVER BE FUNNIER THAN bon bon!!

t cancels order of flatware from Tiffany & Co.

I found Allyson's re-naming of the characters in LotR:

You know what I think makes my eyes glaze over besides all the stuff that oogeys me about how smelly these people were? The names. They all sound exactly. the. same.

So, just to make things easier for me, I'm going to make some changes.

cracks knuckles

This is how it's going to be:

Evil Eyeball: Bob

Evil Wizard: Strom Thurmond

Good Wizard: Grampa Joe

Gurlie Elf ita wants to do: Mary

Frodo: He can be Frodo, I can remember that.

Sam: See above, but instead of calling him "Frodo" he can remain "Sam"

Annoying little bastard trolls that fuck everything up: Fric and Frac. It doesn't matter which is which, no one can tell them apart, anyway

Broody ranger that pines after Liv Tyler: Viggo the Showerless

Liv Tyler: Slo Mo Liv Tyler

Liv Tyler's creepy father: Mr. Anderson

Dead Bear Daddy Boromir: Dead Bear Daddy, or DeeBeeDee Dead Bear

Daddy's Brother: Mick

Annoying King that should shut up and listen to Viggo the Showerless: Earl

Dwarf Guy: Dwarf Guy (there's only one of them, anyway)

Well. That should make things easier for everyone concerned.

ION, I came home to find another resident in my building standing waiting for the elevator with a lit cigarette. I'm all "Could you not smoke in the hall, please?" and he's "What?", and I'm "Could you not smoke in the hall" and he's " I can smoke in the hall." and I'm like, mmmmKKKKAYYY (jackhole) and proceed to get my mail while he gets into the elevator with the lit cigarette!!

SO, little does jackhole know that I am already filled with righteous indignation at jackholes on a normal day, but TODAY I am rage filled at them. So I call up the building office and report him and give a description (cause I don't know his name) and tell them I wanted it noted andf if they don't know who it is, I will now start reporting anytime the elevator smells like smoke and since THAT is a against the LAW I would hate to start calling 311 about it.