Dude, you work downtown! City Hall is very close.

::cancels order for Mrs. bon Bob, Esq. stationery::

WAIT!

root?

AND

a callback?

NO ONE WILL EVER BE FUNNIER THAN bon bon!!

t cancels order of flatware from Tiffany & Co.

I found Allyson's re-naming of the characters in LotR:

You know what I think makes my eyes glaze over besides all the stuff that oogeys me about how smelly these people were? The names. They all sound exactly. the. same.

So, just to make things easier for me, I'm going to make some changes.

cracks knuckles

This is how it's going to be:

Evil Eyeball: Bob

Evil Wizard: Strom Thurmond

Good Wizard: Grampa Joe

Gurlie Elf ita wants to do: Mary

Frodo: He can be Frodo, I can remember that.

Sam: See above, but instead of calling him "Frodo" he can remain "Sam"

Annoying little bastard trolls that fuck everything up: Fric and Frac. It doesn't matter which is which, no one can tell them apart, anyway

Broody ranger that pines after Liv Tyler: Viggo the Showerless

Liv Tyler: Slo Mo Liv Tyler

Liv Tyler's creepy father: Mr. Anderson

Dead Bear Daddy Boromir: Dead Bear Daddy, or DeeBeeDee Dead Bear

Daddy's Brother: Mick

Annoying King that should shut up and listen to Viggo the Showerless: Earl

Dwarf Guy: Dwarf Guy (there's only one of them, anyway)

Well. That should make things easier for everyone concerned.

ION, I came home to find another resident in my building standing waiting for the elevator with a lit cigarette. I'm all "Could you not smoke in the hall, please?" and he's "What?", and I'm "Could you not smoke in the hall" and he's " I can smoke in the hall." and I'm like, mmmmKKKKAYYY (jackhole) and proceed to get my mail while he gets into the elevator with the lit cigarette!!

SO, little does jackhole know that I am already filled with righteous indignation at jackholes on a normal day, but TODAY I am rage filled at them. So I call up the building office and report him and give a description (cause I don't know his name) and tell them I wanted it noted andf if they don't know who it is, I will now start reporting anytime the elevator smells like smoke and since THAT is a against the LAW I would hate to start calling 311 about it.

In the ELEVATOR?!?!?!? There's a crazy lady who smokes in the lobby of my building, but in the ELEVATOR?!!?!??!?!

I mean, I've smoked in elevators, but not anywhere where real people lived.

Dude, he doesn't even know WHAT HE JUST STARTED. People think they know when they give me the fisheye and act like they can do what ever they want, but they don't. And this guy? It's so easy. He lives in my building. I know who to complain to. I know where to find him. I know other people to ask about this and to watch for him. Stupid Stupid man.

I mean, I've smoked in elevators, but not anywhere where real people lived.

So you've been to the dorms at UT Knoxville, huh? God, that was the sketchiest elevator I've ever been on. Sketchier than the ones in the hi-rise projects in cop shows. I seriously was a little concerned for my life in that building. 14 floors up (give or take) and there were holes in the exterior walls plugged with steel woo and plywood. Holes the size of your head.

you're in a condo , right msbelle? I see a world of pain going his way.

Let me say, I've not smoked in elevators often. I can remember one time in college, and one time on New Year's (2000, at the Waldorf. We brought the standing ashtray from the hallway into the elevator). Needless to say, there was drinking involved both times. I realize I don't live in the 50s.

co-op, but still. I WANT TO CRUSH HIM RIGHT NOW.

ok, so not the nicest side of my personality.