After working at his new job only a week, the workers at the huge federal office building coffee shop start prepping my former officemate's coffee order as soon as they see him enter the building. I told him it's a defensive measure.because he looks so grumpy before his coffee.

The truth is probably that such service makes for good job security, cause my former officemate just can't look scary. He's one of those teddy bear people.

They ask names at the Bean so they can call them out to get the orders picked up. Every now and again they ask for my first name instead, and when I give it to them they usually just go with the surname. If they pronounce my first name wrong, I probably won't realise they're calling me.

I know more than one person who regularly gives a fake name in this kind of situation, for one reason or another.

So, Love Monkey may have been cancelled, but the kid singer seems to be doing OK -- I heard his song on the radio yesterday, and now it's on MTV.

I didn't realize he was a real singer. He reminded me at times of a prettier version of an old friend of mine.

I stopped going to a regular place in this neighborhood because my bagel guy attempted to get chatty.

I was surprised when the magazine shop guy called me a Farmer's market regular one Saturday morning. Then we ran into each other at the drug store a few days later and had to acknowledge each other.

Usually I like being a regular, as it results in better service and some friendly chatter if I'm dining alone. But the new waiter at my favorite restaurant really creeped me out recently with the excess familiarity and a rambling New-Agey monologue in place of reasonably timed service and getting me my check in the looooong minutes I was waiting.

There's a 7-11 that has my order bagged and rung up by the time I enter the shop. I used to try rotating shops because it freaked me out, but I gave up. They call me by name now.

I kind of like being a regular, but then you just have some days where you want to do your thing and not be sociable, or even polysyllabic. Then it's difficult.

I don't use a fake name (although I have used my middle name in the past) at this Bean, since I flash my work ID to get a discount, and it just makes things more complicated rather than less.

It's the assuming that they know what I want that bugs me. Somehow in my past counter staff seemed invested in me getting the same thing every time, and looked disappointed when I changed my order--especially if they'd already started making it up.

Whether I want to be known as a regular depends on how creepifying the staff is. I was surprised by the BK staff around the corner from work recognizing me and my usual purchases, but then it's by far the most pleasant BK I've ever been in by far.

At the bagel place I used to go to (I stopped when they installed TV monitors that force Fox News into people waiting in line), they would ask for a name so they could call when the order was ready.

The name would be written on the order.

About 25% of the time that meant that I ended up with tomato on my bagel.

About 25% of the time that meant that I ended up with tomato on my bagel.

Now THAT is a good reason to use a fake name!